Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: paul.1 on November 10, 2016, 09:00:53 AM

Title: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: paul.1 on November 10, 2016, 09:00:53 AM
Hi all my name is Paul  this seams so hard for me to find the words. As I am not the kind of man to show my feelings only in the right company.

 I have just gone  49 and I lost my  partner Mandy age 49 in June we have been together from school so Mandy is all I know as when I lost my Mother a few years ago & Mandy was there for me thick & thin and a shoulder to lean on but now I have no one and  nobody  seams to care on Mandy's side  as NOT 1 of them have ever been to are door or rang text nothing so I had to doo every thing by ringing texting them and when talking to them there so false saying were all here for you but not a tear from any of them and if they do cry there's no tears so I just look with no remorse as its all false with them.

Then I was in and out of Hospital just after Mandy fell asleep for 3 weeks NOT  1 visit or a call text nothing from her side of the family then I got a text the day I got home just saying we didn't know you was poorly or been in hospital but my family had told them even the Doctor had asked them how I was so they did know.

They was always not happy with us as I started work at 15 years old and saved the best we could so we always had a nice home from the first one age 18 Mandy 19 to this home. When they had to call they all talked about us and what we had I used to tell them many is the youngest Daughter of 4 they all didn't seem to like us for what we had worked for. But we always helped them if they needed us for any thing MONEY mainly if you no what I mean. As there was no holding me back when it came to Mandy's send off Horses & Carriage  you name it we had it as you only want the best for a loved one. Do you think this is the reason why I seam invisible to them my head is battered.         

This is so hard as we lived next door to her parents for 14 years with no trouble or so I thought. As this was are first home together and then we moved witch was only a quarter of a mile away not a different town. So every day for me now is sat in the house or at the Grave side and if they see me coming they leave then come back minutes later and only talk if I speak first. And then they always talk about them self's and never ask how your doing nothing so I am lost.

And if I had spoke out to them like I have talked like I have done on this site today They would gloat that I am suffering as they are the type of people so I cant drop my guard for a minute  with them so SUFFER IN SILENCE for me.   

Now I don't know what to do as I don't really drink so no pubs we both lived around each other made each other tick But now the Clock seam`s to have stopped.. As some say on the site they have no 1 to talk to unless you pick up the phone and ring them or any one I am  lost.  There will be people out there got the same or something like and feel as you have NO 1 at all.

Sorry for going on and on but this is only a tip of the iceberg that I have put as the rest of it would make you sick truly no joke.. Once again sorry for rattling on.
Title: Re: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: Terry on November 17, 2016, 10:13:56 PM


I'm so sorry to read that your precious Mandy has died. Welcome to Webhealing.

Try to care for yourself right now by sleeping or resting, eating healthy foods/snacks, walking outdoors and posting your feelings. This is an especially difficult time for us with the holidays fast approaching. 

We're here for you and look forward to reading more.

Sending hugs, love & understanding, :love9:
Title: Re: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: Soledad on December 17, 2016, 11:19:39 AM
     People don't know how to deal with us, the grieving. Our feelings are intense and daily. It's not like other problems that resolve in a matter of days or weeks. I think people are truly at a great loss to imagine what could possibly help or what to say. I have no answers as to why people can't deal with our pain. I guess it might be too painful for them. Although, I agree, it's no excuse. Have you thought about a grief recovery group?

     My deepest sympathy on the loss of your dear wife. I lost my husband of 40 years in October. We were also together since our teen years. High School Sweethearts. It's really tough, I know.

Title: Re: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: BLAP on August 30, 2018, 06:11:56 AM
Thank you to all for your thoughts and experiences.  I lost my husband of 30 years in April.  His angel date is April 6, 2018.  I love the angel day concept. 

My husband was ill the entire time of our marriage.  Heís had a lot of times they said he wasní going to make it and a miracle happened and he lived.  When I found him dead on the living room floor I was shocked to say the least.  We had no children but we had two dogs.  I had to put the lab to sleep two months after my husband died.  That was the hardest thing I ever did!  I go to his grave once a week with my two new puppies and my five year old bloodhound.  Having new life in the house has been a Godsend.  I do get emotional at the weirdest time mostly when Iím driving alone.  A song will trigger very deep emotions.  I thought it was just me to feel no one cares cause all they talk about is themselves and never ask how am I doing.  If they happen to ask how Iím doing is fleeting because if I do say how Iím doing they change the subject very quickly.  I know now how to assist future people that lose a loved one.  I know they are unprepared to face such sadness but it really HURTS.  My husband was a Vietnam Vet with extreme PTSD.  People have said to me you should have known this was coming and get over it.  Nobody wants to listen.  So Iím grateful to this site. 
Title: Re: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: Caspercat on December 11, 2018, 06:21:21 AM
Hi Paul,
I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Mandy.  If a person has never been through the death of their spouse, they cannot possibly understand the pain.  In local grief groups I have attended one of the biggest points they tried to get across is that you must give yourself PERMISSION TO GRIEVE.  If someone around you (like in a grocery store) looks at you funny, turns the other way, or changes the subject when you are having a moment, it is their problem to deal with, not yours.  I too have family members that are very 'fake' and those are the ones that I avoid because they don't enhance my life.  Someone in one of my groups mentioned that there are grieving pins that one can wear so that others around you know what is up when you have a meltdown.  I had one close friend that when I told her the news of my husband's death she started to turn the conversation to be about her.  I promptly told her that I needed to say goodbye to her for now because I could not offer the support she was obviously looking for.  There may be a day when I look her up again, but now is not the time.  I hope you can find peace with your in-laws, or are able to surround yourself with people and/or support groups that can give you the caring and support you need at such a difficult time.
Title: Re: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: ming on June 22, 2019, 04:54:09 PM
I am in the same situation now. I am alone with 2 dogs, which I am thankful for. I will pray for you when I pray tonight. God bless.
Title: Re: 5 months gone & Why are familys so false
Post by: Terry on June 24, 2019, 05:41:16 PM


Welcome to Webhealing.