Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Grief not related to deaths => Topic started by: helene on February 05, 2014, 08:43:13 AM

Title: A Dream
Post by: helene on February 05, 2014, 08:43:13 AM
Hi Everyone,

I thought I'd share something else with you. Last night I dreamt about my ex. (I consider my 'husband' as being my ex at this point as I haven't lived with him since October of 2013 and I was away half of that month as well. Last night I had the following dream:

I was in a large room full of people. There was a real festive atmosphere and gradually I realized that these people were all of my friends, many from AA that I've met in the past year, but not all of them. We were all engaged in intense but fun conversations when suddenly my ex appeared at the door looking decidedly sullen. He was holding something in his hand. "I've got a bomb!", he declared glaring at everyone and especially at me, "You're all going to die!" At first I panicked but then I noticed that all my friends were exiting the room out of another door and they beckoned me to follow them. So I did leaving my ex standing alone in this large room with his bomb. That was my dream.

Title: Re: A Dream
Post by: Doug1222 on February 06, 2014, 06:49:57 AM
That's a very hopeful dream, Helene!! I'd wake up happy from it.

Happier if I got to see his bomb explode from a safe distance.

I'm glad you're getting through this. Life will probably take a decidedly positive turn once you get through it.

Title: Re: A Dream
Post by: helene on February 06, 2014, 07:36:43 AM
Thank you Doug. I woke up feeling rather strange. Happy that I have so many friends in my life now. I am truly blessed that way! But sad at the symbolism in that dream regarding my ex husband. He is not doing well and there's nothing I can do about that. Even though I have not seen him in person in over two months now, one of my colleagues ran into him at a grocery story and a friend of mine drove past our house and saw him sitting at the front bay windows of our house on the computer. (He's always on the computer.) They say he's aged ten years and is gaunt and grey and doesn't look well at all. My ex was already a bitter and lonely man during our marriage and we had many good talks together. Now he's got no one to really talk with. The few friends we had as a couple were not close friends. He is really isolated and although I worry about him there's nothing I can do. And, I worry about myself and what my ex is scheming behind my back re the particulars of this separation and divorce. This entire situation is sad in the midst of some real blossoming friendships for me. This dichotomy in my life leaves me feeling overwhelmed with various emotions. Grief is a part of all of this as I keep revisiting something that, only 1/2 year ago even, I thought was a permanent thing and now it's lost forever: my marriage of 27 years. I'm living in some kind of never-never land these days and again I say, grief is a part of that.

Title: Re: A Dream
Post by: Anthony2015 on August 15, 2015, 06:04:11 PM
Helen, I don't know what has happened in the past 4 months, although I do see this is a very aged topic.
I just joined this forum, however. 

If you feel concerned about your estranged husband, I would have suggested going to visit him one day.
Or, if you are concerned for your safety, ask him to join you at a Starbucks for a cup of coffee, so you can check in on him.
If he's struggling, psychologically, ask him to please get some counseling.

Wow, 27 years.  May I be so bold as to ask why it's ended after so long?  Did you grow apart?  Meet someone perhaps?
And why not get a divorce if you've been separated for 2 years?
Sorry, just curious.

You see, I have a similar situation, married 20 years.  And we've been very rocky these last 3 or 4 years too.
So I like to gather information from others in similar situations.
Good luck to you, Helen.  And I hope that dream doesn't come true; that's disturbing.