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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Sally1950 on January 27, 2014, 10:26:48 AM

Title: loss of adult child
Post by: Sally1950 on January 27, 2014, 10:26:48 AM
I have lost a newborn and a 35 yo daughter. losing the adult child was much worse because she was in my life a long time. the baby had potential and was wanted and I grieved, but often forget his birthday. but I remember odd days because my daughter did something funny, or important, or memorable on that day. it's been 7 years and the grief is still sharp and painful. have others experienced this too?
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: AC Mom on January 27, 2014, 06:02:25 PM
Hi Sally,

Welcome to WebHealing.  I lost my only child almost 12 years ago, he was 30, and there are days the pain is still unbelievable.  I think when a child dies, a part of us actually dies with them, and life may go on, but it will never be the same.

I have told people for years, It doesn't get easier with time, but it does get different.

Love
Peggy
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: MissSteph4ever on January 27, 2014, 06:48:44 PM
Hi Sally,                                                                                                                                 I have never lost an infant but i did lose my 25 year old daughter Stephanie a little over nine months ago and so many things trigger memories of her for me. I have had a few friends who have lost infants tell me they understand my pain and what i am going through when trying to give me some support and although i would never say it to them directly i do in my head think that its not the same. I have no doubts about the pain they feel and their loss is as great as mine but i am sure it is different, because i do think that watching your child grow through all of the different stages of childhood into an adult and sharing it all with them along the way makes it harder. You shared all of those life experiences and memories and adult children also have friends who you most likely run into from time to time and see them growing older, entering new stages of life and it hurts. One of Stephs good friends celebrated her 26th birthday last week and all i could think was Steph will never get to celebrate her 26th birthday. I am friends with most of her good friends on face book and Stephs page is still active so i see the the things they post to her page, messages saying how much they miss her, or things they share that remind them of her, pictures of them with her and sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me cry because it seems so unfair that she is gone, she touched so many lives and we all miss her so much.
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT) on January 27, 2014, 07:32:56 PM
HELLO SALLY,

 my niece CANDI-23 was killed by a wreckless driver  MAY 13,2005.. SO IT'S BEEN  over 8 1/2 yrs. & today has been one of those bad days for me.. i miss her sooo much ....her son  JOSH was 7 1/2 when she was killed & now he's 16 yrs. old.. i want her back ,. i want to hold her & tell her " AUNT MARTHA LOVE'S YOU,"  i know CANDI  knew i loved her & i know she loved me.. i was only 13 when my sister(LISA)  gave birth to CANDI.  & she was my baby too.. we were close from the day she was born until she died. i'm glad you found this website. i'll keep you in my thought's & prayers.

MARTHA
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: Terry on January 28, 2014, 02:41:37 PM
I have lost a newborn and a 35 yo daughter. losing the adult child was much worse because she was in my life a long time. the baby had potential and was wanted and I grieved, but often forget his birthday. but I remember odd days because my daughter did something funny, or important, or memorable on that day. it's been 7 years and the grief is still sharp and painful. have others experienced this too?

I'm sorry you're having to live without your precious daughter. I came to Webhealing when my surviving son of almost 29 years died. That was 11 years ago.
The pain of losing my children has never softened though it has become different over the years. I now walk with the pain instead of running against it or denying that it will ever lessen. Of course certain dates cause the pain to be unbearable and that has never changed. But, I have found peace in being loved by them and being able to love them deeply in return.

Welcome to Webhealing. I hope you find the same love and understanding that so many of our members have over the years while travelling this journey toward healing. Tell us about your daughter. I love reading about everyone's child here. I feel like they are my own, sometimes.

Know you are loved and cared for here. :love9:

(((((((((Sally)))))))))

Love,
Terry
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: SarahW on January 29, 2014, 10:34:10 PM
I have lost a newborn and a 35 yo daughter. losing the adult child was much worse because she was in my life a long time. the baby had potential and was wanted and I grieved, but often forget his birthday. but I remember odd days because my daughter did something funny, or important, or memorable on that day. it's been 7 years and the grief is still sharp and painful. have others experienced this too?

I never lost a newborn - I lost my son when he was 29.  He was my only child.  My other losses - my husband, many years ago, my parents - were hard, but nothing like the loss of my son.

It will be 5 yrs in July (I cannot believe it, not really, not in my heart), and most of the time, it is like it was yesterday.

No, there is no getting over it.  There is just getting through it.  Every day.
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: barb0617 on February 02, 2014, 06:23:48 PM
Yes - getting through it. A breath at a time, or an hour, a day. I talk to my boys every day. My son Tom was an accountant who was obsessed with sports. We live in NJ and as I'm writing this I'm watching the Super Bowl halftime show.  Tom loved calling in to those radio contests and was always winning one thing or another.i just know he would have found a way to go to the game today, and it makes me a little sad. His anniversary is two weeks from today. Seven years. I never stop missing them. Ever.
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: Terry on February 03, 2014, 09:55:22 PM
Yes - getting through it. A breath at a time, or an hour, a day. I talk to my boys every day. My son Tom was an accountant who was obsessed with sports. We live in NJ and as I'm writing this I'm watching the Super Bowl halftime show.  Tom loved calling in to those radio contests and was always winning one thing or another.i just know he would have found a way to go to the game today, and it makes me a little. His anniversary is two weeks from today. Seven years. I never stop missing them. Ever.

Sending you a hug, ((((((((Barb))))))))
Title: Re: loss of adult child
Post by: barb0617 on February 08, 2014, 08:18:47 PM
Thanks, Terry.  This anniversary, I'll be on a trip to Paris with some of my students.  The first anniversary, we were unexpectedly split up - the girls in a wedding, my husband suddenly called to his dad's side in a hospital. So everyone is OK with my being away.  We all mange to survive. I am so blessed to have my daughters, and to live around the corner from my two grandchildren.