Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Parent Loss => Topic started by: mustard16 on July 05, 2013, 09:40:39 PM

Title: new here
Post by: mustard16 on July 05, 2013, 09:40:39 PM
Hello! I am new to the group. I lost my dear father, January 3rd of this year. He had an infection related to gout but nothing we deemed life threatening.  After about six weeks fighting the infection leaving him unable to use his hands he seemed to be improving. The last time I saw him it seemed we were preparing for his death even though we had no idea what was around the bend.  I told him how good of care he got from Mom and my brother and a nursing home could not have compared. He seemed so happy and I praised him for being able to feed himself and before I left he asked me to eat his favorite food with him and Mom= ice cream. I was anxious to get home but something told me to stay and eat ice cream with them. The smile on his face was worth it. After having a really good day the next day he suddenly fell off the chair not making a sound.
Mom had no indication he wasn't feeling well. The hospital worked on him forty five minutes but they could not bring him back. Apparently he had a massive heart attack. I was at my apartment when my friend heard on the scanner something was wrong at my parents house.  I knew it was bad because Mom never gets scared or calls the squad.  After we were told he was gone we all gathered in the room. I kissed him and told him I loved him. Dad told me I was the only one that knew he was afraid to die and that was the only thing he was afraid of. I keep wondering if he knew he was dying when the squad came. My neice was there and she thought she heard him crying.  My deepest hope is he didn't know he was dying. He was unresponsive the whole time. I wish I knew Dad was okay.  I wonder what I could have done if I were there. Two days after his death we were going to have a celebration for their sixty fifth wedding anniversary. His viewing was on their actual wedding anniversary.  It was all so surreal. This is my story. Thank you for allowing me to share it. Mustard
Title: Re: new here
Post by: browneyedgirl on July 07, 2013, 09:39:57 AM
I am so very sorry for the loss of your father.  You have come to the right place.  

There are many loving, supportive people here who really do care.  I lost my brother just over 4years ago.  I am glad that you got to share a wonderful memory before his passing.

Wishing peace to you and your family, including your mom. Come back and let us know how you're doing.

PS - I moved your topic to the Parent Loss Board. 
Title: Re: new here
Post by: Terry on July 09, 2013, 09:19:56 AM

Welcome to Webhealing - I am so sorry for your great loss. My Dad died about a year and a half ago though it still feels like yesterday and I know it will for a long time to come. Our parents are such a huge part of our lives and it's very difficult living without them.

Please tell us more about your precious Father when you are able. And, feel free to post here, day or night. Someone will always be here for you.

Hugs to your Mom, also.

Sending hugs & love, :love9:
Title: Re: new here
Post by: browneyedgirl on July 10, 2013, 07:29:52 PM
Just wondering how you're doing, Mustard....please post if you like.
Title: Re: new here
Post by: mustard16 on July 12, 2013, 06:01:44 AM
Thank you guys for caring. I posted something on one of the pages yesterday. I hope you can find it. This morning  I am good so far. I did six pages of journaling last night and a lot of it was about Dad.  I am attending an art retreat this upcoming week and I believe I will have more time to focus on things that have my emotions all messed up. 

One of the deepest hurts is it was not mentioned in the newsletter where I live about my Dad dying so I mentioned it to the apartment manager as did several of my friends here. Dad's death was mentioned a month later. Then we had a mass for Dad at a nursing home where many relatives including Dad's mother used to live. Dad's name was mentioned and after mass the priest talked to Dad's brother, Dad's sister, and Dad's nephew but noone mentioned to him that Dad's loved ones were sitting two chairs away. Could one of them not have said there is his wife.  We were once again invisible.  When the priest came to the hospital to pray over Dad he did not know my Dad because the priest from where my parents went to church was on vacation. This priest happened to be the priest at the church I go to but he never really offered much comfort to any of us. He did tell Mom he would keep in touch but that never happened.  He has only been a priest three years so maybe he needs practice. A local undertaker friend has gotten quite a few complaints from people about this priest seeming lack of compassion for the bereaved.  One day I called the other priest who grew up in our hometown. He had experienced the loss of his goddaughter who was only sixteen months old and he seemed to understand some of what I was feeling when I expressed anger towards a lot of things. This priest was also not able to attend Dad's funeral. But, we had the best priest even though we had to wait so long to have the funeral.  I see a new doctor Friday and I am going to share what has happened with Dad and what some of my feelings are about everything. The previous doctor was fired for some reason but that doctor told me Dad is in heaven and heaven is where God is and God is everywhere including our heart so Dad still lives in my heart. I so wish I could get a sign that Dad is having a good time and that he is indeed in heaven.
Title: Re: new here
Post by: Terry on July 12, 2013, 05:52:21 PM

Your Dad will always be in your heart. They are always with us. :icon_flower:

Look forward to hearing more about him.

Title: Re: new here
Post by: Terry on July 27, 2013, 01:33:00 PM


Wondering how you have been doing. Please post when you find the time. We're always here for you.

Love, :love9: