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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: alwayshopefull2009 on July 03, 2013, 03:36:28 AM

Title: So this is it, my new life
Post by: alwayshopefull2009 on July 03, 2013, 03:36:28 AM
My wife passed away suddenly 4 weeks ago from prescription overdose.  I miss and think of her almost all day every day, I dont fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning and only sleep till 8 am.  I find myself walking around the house all day long in and out, moving things around trying to pick up the house.  I am scared to hear that things may get worst for me in the months to come.  After I cry for a while or try to do some work or tend to her garden I come back in and feel like maybe I will make it through this, but then I read of others experience months later and how they are hit with all those feeling and then some. 
We were together for nearly 23 years, she passed away 1 week before our anniversary.  Did i mention when she od and I was not sure, I could have called 911 sooner than I did and she would be here today most likely, this thought crosses my mind often throughout the day, especially when I go to the kitchen where she finally collapsed.  Sometimes as I drive to the store to buy food, I think of what if I just went off the road. 
death no longer seems to be such a stranger to me now, in fact since i am in my 50's already, I even think sometimes come get me, I am not afraid of you anymore, in fact I don't think I care.  Its ok.  but i have 2 younger kids and they still need at least 1 parent and so for now i feel i need to be there for them. 
I have been reading so many posts and websites over the past 2 weeks, and read so many people who have died, i was never so aware of so much death.  Im afraid of other things too, like a life alone, I miss snuggling with her at night, lying by her side, talking with her about the day, the kids, what we are going to do about this or that, all i have now is to look at any empty space on the other side of my bed. 
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: Terry on July 03, 2013, 07:54:57 AM

My wife passed away suddenly 4 weeks ago from prescription overdose.  I miss and think of her almost all day every day, I dont fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning and only sleep till 8 am.  I find myself walking around the house all day long in and out, moving things around trying to pick up the house.  I am scared to hear that things may get worst for me in the months to come.  After I cry for a while or try to do some work or tend to her garden I come back in and feel like maybe I will make it through this, but then I read of others experience months later and how they are hit with all those feeling and then some. 
We were together for nearly 23 years, she passed away 1 week before our anniversary.  Did i mention when she od and I was not sure, I could have called 911 sooner than I did and she would be here today most likely, this thought crosses my mind often throughout the day, especially when I go to the kitchen where she finally collapsed.  Sometimes as I drive to the store to buy food, I think of what if I just went off the road. 
death no longer seems to be such a stranger to me now, in fact since i am in my 50's already, I even think sometimes come get me, I am not afraid of you anymore, in fact I don't think I care.  Its ok.  but i have 2 younger kids and they still need at least 1 parent and so for now i feel i need to be there for them. 
I have been reading so many posts and websites over the past 2 weeks, and read so many people who have died, i was never so aware of so much death.  Im afraid of other things too, like a life alone, I miss snuggling with her at night, lying by her side, talking with her about the day, the kids, what we are going to do about this or that, all i have now is to look at any empty space on the other side of my bed. 

I'm so sorry for your great loss. Try to take care of yourself the best you can as our immune systems take a beating when grieving. Drink lots of water, try to rest even if you can't sleep and eat healthy foods.

The what-if's can drive us crazy. We all do it. That's normal. It takes time to accept that we have to live with the choices we've made, good or bad. Just know we're here for you.

One second at a time....This is a long journey.

Sending hugs & love to you,
Terry
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: Zylen on July 03, 2013, 08:07:27 AM
(((((((((Alwayshopefull2009)))))))

Sorry for your loss. You have definitely come to the right place with so many wonderful and supportive people here.

And we truly do understand those feelings and doubt and all the second guessing of what could or should have been.

One second at a time is really the best advice, otherwise it's very easy to get overwhelmed.

Big hugs to you,
(((((((((((Alwayshopefull2009))))))))
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: browneyedgirl on July 03, 2013, 11:59:05 AM
I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. 

Welcome to Webhealing.  You have come to the right place.  I lost my brother to a prescription overdose just over 4 years ago.  There are many loving supportive people here, you will see as they come forward to greet you.  Post as often as you like, about whatever you like.  We are all here for you and we all care.
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: jbryant on July 05, 2013, 02:54:41 PM
Hi and welcome to webhealing I can only tell you what everyone has pointed out to you is true your children will help you as much as you will help them to understand this is a long journey and I've found this to be the best place of all the web sights baby steps first and the rest will fall into place your tears are a healing tool so use it and its not your fault . John B
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: Jean D on July 05, 2013, 08:56:21 PM
(((((((((Alwayshopefull2009)))))))

I am so sorry for your loss. You will find that the people here on this web site are very kind and understanding. Early on they helped me get through the day. They helped me to understand what I was going through was normal and I wasn't crazy.  In addition to all the good advice you have received I would just suggest that you not compare your grieving process to that of others. While it is true that we sometimes take a few steps backwards in our journey, it is totally normal, but not everyone experiences the same things. Try to take good care of yourself and take things one at a time.

Jean
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: stampingwidow on July 07, 2013, 04:39:28 AM
You have come to a great site.  The people here really care and understand.  They are in or have been in the grief process.  Keep in mind, we all grieve differently.  Eventually there will be someone that disagrees on how. You grieve or how long you grieve.  It happens.  Everyone seems to have an opinion.  Consider what they say but if it does not help, ignore it and do what is right for you.

Grief is a long, discouraging process.  It takes time to adjust & find a new normal for your life.  Do not give up.  Things will get better!  I am much better now.  Things that old have devastated me a year ago, I am more able to deal with now.  I doubt grief totally disappears but we do learn to deal with it.  Feel free to share your fears & anger here.  It helps.  By reading others posts you will gain understanding.  This is a good place to be.
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: MyLou on July 07, 2013, 05:14:33 PM
(((((( ALWAYS ))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious wife.  You have found us and we will always be here for you.  It is a hard journey.  You just need to take one second, minute, hour , day at a time.  You said you read other stories but as other said we all grief differently.

I thought the same about going off the side of the road and other thoughts.  It's all normal we want to be with our spouses.  In reality it's not our time to go but we will see them again.  They are always with us. 

I am going on 3 yrs on my journey/new life.  I still have my days and it's OK.  You will see light at the end of the tunnel I promise.  I never imagined what everyone was telling but I was finally able to see light. 

Some go to grief groups , journal, counseling.  Maybe you can look into that.  I would journal a lot in the beginning and still do it at times still to this day.

You need to take of you and your children it's easier said then done.  We will always be your family/friend.

Sending you , peace , love , and hope


Always,

Lisa
 
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: arthur on July 19, 2013, 09:17:07 PM
HI Always..
I am so sorry for your loss. Yes you are right it is a new life you have now ,like it or not.  You are going through all the things many of us have gone through..but one thing is for certain and remains the same for all of us..things will never be the same again for you, for this horrific grief you are going through changes you.  You will never stop loving your dear wife, and your love for her may even increase, as mine did., thus your grief will become a new unwelcome companion in your life that will be with you for a long time, maybe even until your death. It is something you have to learn to live with.  I agree with Lisa..at some point you should reach out somehow to get help for your loss..whether it be a grief group as I did, or a counselor/therapist as I did as well. you might try Griefshare(just google Griefshare)..its a Christian based grief program that I found really helpful with the ins outs and pitfalls that the grief process has. And as everyone says on this site..ONE DAY AT A TIME. The future will take care of itself..the best thing that you can do for yourself now is to forget about the future. It isn't worth the mental anguish and resources it takes to dwell on it for anyone in your position. And don't worry too much about the occasional thought or idea of ending your own life to escape the pain..that is normal. You should only worry about it if it becomes a serious consideration for you, for of course it is not an answer and I am sure it is the last thing your dear wife would've wanted for you.  Keep coming back to this site, there is a lot of wisdom to be found here and no one will understand what you are going through more than others who have also gone through it as well. Hang in there Always
arthur
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: arthur on July 25, 2013, 09:26:16 PM
Hi Always..I just wanted you to know that one day when you remember your precious wife it will bring a smile to your lips instead of tears.
Hang in there Always((((Always))))
arthur
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: Terry on August 01, 2013, 02:02:39 PM

Always - Know I understand how difficult this time is for you with your precious wife's death being so recent. We are all here for you when you feel up to posting again.

(((((((Always))))))) :love9:

Love & Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: So this is it, my new life
Post by: Terry on September 01, 2013, 07:34:20 AM

Thinking of you and your Teresa. Please let us know how you're doing.

We're here for you. :love9:

Love,
Terry