Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Suicide Loss => Topic started by: JosephR on March 30, 2013, 11:11:41 AM

Title: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
Post by: JosephR on March 30, 2013, 11:11:41 AM
We just celebrated his 89th birthday,his cards are still sitting next to his chair.On the 16 of march 2013 the day before st Patrick's day I visited him and when I left he hugged me and told me he loved me,the next day he shot himself.Im his 53 year old son.I have never cried and fallen apart like this ever beforeI feel guilty for not seeing his pain or maybe the problems in my life caused this to happen.I never realized the despair that this brings upon loved ones left behind.I know my dad would never hurt us like this on purpose.I m glad I found this site.Im not mad at my dad I just wish he would have told me how he felt.He was my best friend as I have no children,I am greatful to have him this long as I know some lose loved ones at a young age,but it seems like my life is forever changed and I have got to deal with it.

Title: Re: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
Post by: Terry on March 30, 2013, 12:28:28 PM
My Dad died last year, of Alzheimer's and he was my best friend, also. I miss him more than words and have been just lost without him. Being separated by death is in itself unbearable at times and you are carrying this heavy and painful burden of how your precious Dad died. I'm so sorry, Joseph. I can't imagine.

A dear friend of mine took his life and also my Uncle many years ago. What bothered us most of all was that we saw nothing wrong with either of them. We would gather and talk about it and go through every event for hours on end. It was so frustrating. They both seemed so happy. My Aunt went through a lot. Blaming herself for not suspecting anything was wrong. The survivors of suicide suffer greatly. It's a pain unto itself, sadly and is very misunderstood by many.

Please try to be gentle with yourself, although I know that's easier said than done. Remember how much your Dad loved you and this tragic event was a part of his life that he suffered with silently.

Tell me more about your Dad; the things he liked to do and what the two of you enjoyed together. Always here for you. :love9:

Title: Re: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
Post by: JosephR on April 01, 2013, 05:13:56 PM
Thank you terry for your kind words.i am sorry  about your father as well .I know exactly what you went through as my wife's father died from alzheImers after 8 years of this terrible illness.He was a dear friend of mine as well .My dad was a kind soft spoken person that liked to help people when he could.He served in the navy during ww2.Was a police officer for 12 years ,was assistant regional director of the national labor relations board for many years.He was always reading a new book.We just enjoyed being together and taking rides in my Plymouth roadrunner and going to car and tractor shows on fathers day.Once again terry thank you.
Title: Re: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
Post by: Terry on April 13, 2013, 07:45:27 PM

Thanks, Joseph for sharing a little about your Dad. I can only imagine that it's difficult to do so at this time, the pain still being so raw as his death is so recent. Know that I understand.

I registered you for our chat room. If you ever want to meet in there at night to chat for a few, just pm me! :icon_flower:


Title: Re: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
Post by: Tom on May 13, 2013, 07:12:00 AM
Hi Joseph -  Sad to hear about your dad.  Suicide is such a tough loss and it leaves us wondering what we could have, should have done.

Remember, it is likely that your dad died of an illness called depression.  He was unable to share it with others very much like other males in our culture who feel obligated to carry their pain themselves and not "burden" others with it.  Sometimes that burden gets so high and the self esteem so low that the person who suicides truly believes his death will make life easier for their loved ones.  Of course this is a delusion but this has been the thoughts I have seen most often as a therapist with people who don't succeed in killing themselves.  They are convinced they are going to help their loved ones by dying. 

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to get some contact with others who have experienced a similar loss.  There are quite a few groups out there for family and loved ones who have experienced the death of a loved one via suicide.  These people know better what you are going through that anyone else. It does the heart good to be understood.  If you need help in finding a group maybe we can help you find one.


Title: Re: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
Post by: Terry on May 13, 2013, 01:23:45 PM

Hi Joseph,

I've listed a few sites that are for the support of suicide survivors. You may want to have a look-see. Of course you are welcome to post here, anytime day or night. We are here to listen. This is a safe place to vent all of your feelings and there are never any judgements. My heart goes out to you and I am always here for you.

Suicide.org - Suicide Survivors Forum - This is a support forum for suicide survivors only.
http://forum.suicide.org/ (http://forum.suicide.org/)

Suicide.org - Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support
http://www.suicide.org/suicide-survivors-forum.html Suicide.org (http://www.suicide.org/suicide-survivors-forum.html Suicide.org)

Suicide Grief Support Forum - Information and support for those touched by suicide
http://www.suicidegrief.com/ (http://www.suicidegrief.com/)

The offer still stands to meet in the chat room if you want to share. We can share pictures in there, videos, etc., and it is safe and private. No messages are kept past the chat session.

Always here for you. :love9:
With love,