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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: starynyte on December 26, 2006, 08:48:22 PM
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Sometimes our anticipation of an event can often be worse than the actual event itself. The calendar can be an ugly clock ticking in our face, a constant reminder of the days, weeks and months we've spent struggling to survive the death of our child.
Reflect back to last week, the anxiety you may have had over the upcoming holiday. Did you feel as low as you thought you would? Were you able to get through it with the love of family which brought you some peace and joy, only to realize that you are able to enjoy some aspect of the holiday after all? or was all the hoopla just too much for you, and it went as badly as you thought it would?
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This was my third Christmas without my Jason. What I found was that I didn't plan or anticipate anything. It krept up on me and I found myself very unprepared I just couldn't do it this year. The first Christmas, my Jason was killed on Dec 15, 2004, we were all in shock, the second, I don't remember and this year I just couldn't wait for it to be over. We have a new wonderful grandson, he is now 3 mos old. He looks so much like his uncle Jason, how proud Jason would have been to see his little sister a mom. Maybe next year will be softer and gentler on us all.
One day, one moment, one breathe at a time!!
hugs and love
Donna (Jason's mom)
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CHERRI,
THAT'S AN INTERESTING QUESTION. & TO SEE ALL THE ANSWERS.
MARTHA
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more thought on this... For me, I think *not experiencing horrible anticipation* is because I've spent soooo much time (weeeeks!), energy and tears on an upcoming event (Chris's 3rd angel date) that when the day actualy arived I was too drained and numb over such intense grieving to feel anything on that specific day...
My son was killed on July 21st. This last June, around the 1st week or so, I began to DREAD June 21st, somehow my mind thought he was killed in June and not July! boy did that screw me up big time! HOWEVER, after I stopped beating myself up over getting the date wrong, this realization hit me like a ton of bricks... I deeply grieve for my son regardless of the day, anniversary, date, or special event/holiday. Maybe this is acceptance....
Acceptance doesn't mean I've forgotten my son, that I never cry, or get angry over his being killed, that I've moved on, gotten over his death, OR my grief. It's more that the reality has solidified within me, and there's nothing I can do about it, but wait until I join him in Heaven and in the mean time, try to make him and those that love me proud.
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Yes, I actually thought the anticipation was worse but I am so dreading his Angel Date. This is his first one and I just know it will bring me to my knees.
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Yes, I actually thought the anticipation was worse but I am so dreading his Angel Date. This is his first one and I just know it will bring me to my knees.
(((((((((((((((((Faye))))))))))))))))))) :'(
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I haven't celebrated a darn thing since Scott was killed April 28th 2002 but this year I have a new grandson also, he is now 11 months old, 1 on January 2nd and for him I will begin the normal traditions and acknowlege holidays and stuff. For him I was happy, he's at the start of his life and doesn't deserve a cloud of depression, life will deliver it's own harsh lessons, my hope is that I can be a buffer for him to be safe. Scott would be so proud as to how I've grown up some, Ha Ha ha.
To Cherri, I think this forgetting is so normal, I've forgotten things I thought would be etched forever and they are, it's just they get skewed in grief. I've beat myself up over those times, what kind of mother am I to forget this or that, but I know the roots and I know the truth, I would give my life in a second just to have Scott walk this earth even if I wasn't allow to see him, I would give my soul for his every second of every day!
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I haven't celebrated a darn thing since Scott was killed April 28th 2002 but this year I have a new grandson also, he is now 11 months old, 1 on January 2nd and for him I will begin the normal traditions and acknowlege holidays and stuff. For him I was happy, he's at the start of his life and doesn't deserve a cloud of depression, life will deliver it's own harsh lessons, my hope is that I can be a buffer for him to be safe. Scott would be so proud as to how I've grown up some, Ha Ha ha.
Chy it's wonderful that you have this beautiful little life to share! and that you are able to see that life is worth living well, for him, and with him. CHildren bring me so much hope, peace and joy. I dont know where I'd be without the unconditional love of my 4 year old niece. She was only a year old when Chris was killed, and for the longest time I held onto life for her, and her alone. When ever I got too lost in my grief, all I had to do was go see her, and I was brought back to life. We'd play Barbies, and all my worries and saddness would disapear for a little while, it is so rejuvinating to be in her presence.
To Cherri, I think this forgetting is so normal, I've forgotten things I thought would be etched forever and they are, it's just they get skewed in grief. I've beat myself up over those times, what kind of mother am I to forget this or that, but I know the roots and I know the truth, I would give my life in a second just to have Scott walk this earth even if I wasn't allow to see him, I would give my soul for his every second of every day!
sooooo soooooo true, grief does such weird things to our brains! Thank you (((((((((((((((Chy))))))))))))
Love & Peace,
Cherri