Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: jasonkl on February 15, 2012, 04:26:41 PM

Title: One step forward
Post by: jasonkl on February 15, 2012, 04:26:41 PM
15 years ago I left a ring on my then girlfriends dresser with a note that said I know this not the ring you wanted but I hope it will due. I had got her an engagement ring, she hinted that she wanted this ring with 2 hearts on it.
4 months before I lost my wife she could no longer wear her rings or anything else that was a close fit. Tha rsd was making her body swell. The night I lost my wife I added her rings to my necklace with mine. I can't  wear my ring with my job it is to dangerous. In November I decided I take one ring off at each milestone. The engagement ring on valintines day, her wedding Ring on our wedding Anaversery, and my wedding ring on her angel date. In january I bought 3 roses dipped in gold and painted to look real. On each of these dates I will attach a ring to a rose. This morning I put her engagement ring on the the first rose.
This is my way trying to accept she not coming back that she is really gone. When I can I will post a pic.

Thanks for listening

Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: browneyedgirl on February 15, 2012, 04:45:44 PM

If this is what you feel comfortable with, then I am right behind you, my friend.  Look forward to the pic.
Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: Doug1222 on February 15, 2012, 05:26:33 PM
Thanks for listening

That's a beautiful idea, Jason. I hope it brings you some peace.
Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: jasonkl on February 15, 2012, 10:14:47 PM
Thank you Doug, I hope it does to.

 I am not sure if this was a good idea or not I will let you know in a few days if I still feel the same about my decision. I can always put the ring back on the necklace if I don't feel confortable.

I never need a ring, they were for her. I never need to get married, that was for her. In the last 12 and a half years I have never taken my wedding ring off. That was for her too. For the last 15+ years every decision I have made was almost always about her. Even now most of my decisions have to do with her. I am hoping this one I made for me will be ok and I can live with it.

Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: browneyedgirl on February 16, 2012, 10:11:43 AM
One step at a time - I wanted to post something like, if you decide you don't want to do that, it's okay too, but I didn't want to sound like I was not being encouraging. 

love the pic.
Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: sonya on February 16, 2012, 01:00:27 PM
I like the idea of your planned steps and turning the removal of the rings into a positive thing. Look forward to the pics

Son x
Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: angie on February 16, 2012, 06:23:01 PM
  ((((((((((((( JASON ))))))))))))))

My new motto in life is
If it feels right to do it then do it.
I write a letter to Davie evry day cos at the moment it helps me.I send balloons up to the heavens cos it helps me.I hope your ritual helps you and brings you peace too xxxx

Huge hugs

Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: jasonkl on February 17, 2012, 05:30:48 AM

Thankyou all for the support. I was not sure if this was the right thing to do or not. I do not know if I can go through with the whole thing either.
Time will tell.

Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: oneangel on February 17, 2012, 07:43:23 PM
If you decide to go through with your plan with the rings and roses, when completed, you can place them in a shadow box and hang it on a wall(just an idea).
I have mine and my husbands wedding rings on my necklace and it never comes off. What I plan on doing when I feel comfortable enough leaving the rings with a jeweler, I want them to intertwine the rings together and write TOGETHER on one ring, and FOREVER on the other, so that we will be TOGETHER FOREVER married and binded. I wear his 'engagement' ring that I had given him.
We never made a huge production for Valentine's Day. We would maybe get each other a chocolate bar, a card, but mostly he would make sure that he would cook a little something special for dinner. The date that hurts more is February 13th. This was our first date. He made sure that before we left the arcade that we were at, he talked to the doorman beforehand and told him to wish us a Happy Valentine's Day on our way out. When the doorman did, my husband pretended like he did not know that it was Valentine's (it was past midnight by the time our date ended). He kept apologizing all the way to the car. I told him it was okay (and it was) I did not expect anything. When we got to the car and he opened the door for me, before he got in the vehicle, he pulled out something from the trunk. He gave me a rose and a card in which he had written a poem for me. It was the best date I have ever had.
Title: Re: One step forward
Post by: jasonkl on February 17, 2012, 09:20:19 PM

Thank you for the suggestion I did not have any idea what I was going to do with them if I was able to go through with it.

I love your plans for the rings. they sould look amazing.  Thank you for sharing that memeory with me(us).

How are you doing, last post you sounded overwhelmed. How are the kids? You said they were sick. I hope all is well as it can be.