Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: sonya on January 25, 2012, 10:50:40 AM

Title: Inquest
Post by: sonya on January 25, 2012, 10:50:40 AM
Yesterday was Tony's inquest and Monday was 5 months since he died.
The days and weeks leading up to the inquest have been really hard and i feel such a release now that the final official requirement has been completed.
I didnt learn much that I didnt already know and although I had to re-hear some difficult details the coroner was very sensitive to the effect of his words and this helped. The verdict was ok and generally it was ok.
As it ended I was shaking. I had to have a bath and change, somehow wash away the day.

Trying today to move forward. To focus on how grateful I am to have known and loved such a fantastic man. To seek solice in the fact that he is no longer suffering. To remember the good times and not focus on his last moments.

I have been trying to get well physically. Starting to walk regularly, eating regularly and drink less. To be happy wioth small steps of progress. To acknowledge that its ok to have awful days too, that they are part of grief and healing, and that those dark feelings will pass too.

I feel that I have made some big steps this week. Because of the inquest being done. Because of the support of friends where I live now and further afield. Because of the support of my previous employers. And massively, becausew of the support and comfort offered by all of you on this forum. I just received an email from a friend apologising that she had not realised how big this grief is that i feel. Obviously I said it was ok to her, but it is a signifier of how isolating grief can be from those around us. I dont know how i could have made it this far without all of you and the time that you take to share your own experiences, to make us all feel that we are not alone.

As much as I hope that no one ever feels this pain, I know that they will, and hope that they find there way here or to different suport that helps as much.

Apprecialte you all

((((((((Huge hugs)))))))))))
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: johnkmurray on January 25, 2012, 11:43:51 AM
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: Terry on January 25, 2012, 12:15:25 PM

I can only imagine how difficult this was for you, Sonya. I can relate to just sitting in the shower and washing away the sins of the day, as I call them.

Another huge step you've taken. Thanks for sharing.

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: jasonkl on January 25, 2012, 03:10:49 PM

My thoughts are with you today and yesterday. I though of you yesterday but was unsure if the inquest was yesterday or next tuesday. I could not imagine sitting through something like that. When I called the corners office and he read the report to me I only could listen for a minute before I just zoned out.

I am glad you started to take care of yourself, Hear hope in your words. And as Terry has said to me many times that is all we have to hold on to sometimes. Well something like that.

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: angie on January 25, 2012, 05:34:26 PM
             ((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: MyLou on January 25, 2012, 05:44:39 PM
(((((((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))))))))))))  
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: gaberax on January 26, 2012, 08:44:35 AM
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: sonya on January 26, 2012, 04:02:02 PM
Thanks for all your comment and hugs everyone.

Kevin - an inquest happens whenever there is a sudden or unexpected death. It is an investigation intot he circumstances and cause of death.  Therefore we all had to make statements, police investigated and the coroner made a summation and verdict based on all the evidence and patholgist's report. There were also several people called to give evidence on the day. Thankfully I was not one of them but his best friend had to give evidence which was really hard for him to do and we all ende up in tears.

However, we knew almost everything beforehand so not much of the evidence was a shock. A couple of bits were new to me but I did find them comforting actually.

So thats it, case now closed. Last of the official things done.

Met up with one of our best friends today and she is feeling the same, a sense of relief and calmness. That its been 'put to bed'. Not that thats it and we done grieving, but just that the horror has abated somewhat. I think it was an important day for all of us and a milestone that has been hanging over us has been passed.
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: arthur on January 26, 2012, 09:49:54 PM
Hi Sonya..I can't imagine how hard that was.  That you endured it without letting the grief take over I think is a testament to how far you've come. Now you can resume your new life as you know you have to do. Way to go! -arthur
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: sonya on January 30, 2012, 05:51:11 AM
Thanks guys,

inquest was a really big deal and held myself so tight in the days leading up to it that by the time it was over I was exhausted and really hungry! Guess it was all the adrenalin and anxiety.

SInce I have been in a bit if a daze. Feels like ages ago but not even a week. Last night was the first time in weeks (since I was given the date of the inquest in fact) that i have sat and sobbed and sobbed. This morning it feels good that I did. I have been holding it together to be strong and get through it that I havent allowed myself to feel anything.

So today is a slow day. Managed to get the fire lit and thats about all. Need to get it together as have to meet someone aboout a job in an hour. Reality does find its ways to push in and make you get up and carry on doesn't it?

Hope this post finds you all in the best place that you can be right now,


Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: browneyedgirl on January 30, 2012, 08:36:34 AM
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: jasonkl on January 31, 2012, 06:28:50 AM

I hope the meeting went well.

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: sonya on January 31, 2012, 11:29:19 AM
Well off to start my first shift at new job. Its only barwork, and I did loads of it years ago as a student, but feels like a pretty big deal to me at the moment as havent worked at all in a couple of months and nervous about meeting new people.

Feels strange typing this as this is not at all like the old confident Sonya. Hope this is a step towards regaining that confidence again.

Wish me luck guys.

Thinking of you all

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: Terry on January 31, 2012, 12:16:13 PM

Good Luck, Son! Will be thinking of you tonight! And, look forward to hearing how it went.

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: johnkmurray on January 31, 2012, 05:14:47 PM
Good luck Sonya. Hopefully this is a new start for you. Make mine a double! ;-)

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: arthur on January 31, 2012, 10:18:42 PM
Congrats on the new job Sonya! It sounds like a fun job too. Good luck!
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: sonya on February 02, 2012, 05:43:04 PM
Thanks all xxxxxxxxxx
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: angie on February 03, 2012, 03:34:50 AM

Just read about the new job
Sorry it is late but GOOD LUCK

Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: sonya on February 07, 2012, 12:35:16 AM
Hi Guys!

Sorry not replied sooner. Am not working at the pub, couldnt face having to chat to the regulars as the slowly got drunk.

I am however workingas a waitress in a cafe-restaurant. going really well. The team are really nice and I am getting the hang of things...just need to figure out the weird computerized till!

Not managed to drop any food on customers so must be ok.

The idea of teaching is beyond me at present, I cant believe how hard i have been working until doing this job and finding a comparison. Waitressing is perfect for me at the moment, no responsibilty, working hours end at the end of the shift, bit of money coming in. So all good.

Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed for me, it obviously worked!

Son  ((((((((((((((((Hugs to all)))))))))))))))))))))))
Title: Re: Inquest
Post by: MyLou on February 07, 2012, 03:50:07 AM

I must've missed something that you got a job at the pub.  It seems like you made the right decision in waitressing.  Good for you and sounds like you are enjoying it.