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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: angie on December 27, 2011, 06:13:00 PM

Title: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on December 27, 2011, 06:13:00 PM
My  husband of 20 years died very suddenly and unexpectedly on 12 Nov 2011.One minute he was fine,next minute he collapsed and died!!He was 47.He died of cardiac arrest.I never got a chance to tell him I love him or say goodbye.Its not fair.Its been 6 weeks n 3 days of hell.I miss him so much.None of this seems real.I still want him to walk thro the front door.We have 4 kids and they seem to be coping better than me.Davie is my soulmate,my reason and my purpose I dont like him not being here.I thought he would always be here with me and now he is gone.That Saturday was the worst day of my life.Davie I MISS YOU SO MUCH XXXXX
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: gaberax on December 27, 2011, 08:53:01 PM
I am so sorry for your loss.  Welcome.   You are among friends who, unfortunately, are here for the same reason.  Please feel free to vent, yell, question, ask for advice, cry...whatever you need.  We have all been or are going through similar situations.
We are here to help the best we can...just let us know.  God bless.
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: johnkmurray on December 28, 2011, 08:23:29 AM
Angie,

Welcome to WebHealing. As Bob said, here you will find kindred souls. We have all experienced the wrenching loss of a soulmate, be it through sudden circumstances or prolonged illness. Ware here to offer support on the bad days and cheers on the good.

John
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: browneyedgirl on December 28, 2011, 04:37:44 PM
Dear Angie ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Davie. 

Welcome......you have come to the right place.  There are many here who understand your pain.  There is always someone to listen. 

Lots of love.
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on December 29, 2011, 02:09:37 PM
A huge THANKYOU for reading my post and HUGE HUGS for replying XXX Even with all your  own pain and grieve you still reached out to me.You are AWESOME.It is important for me to realise other people can relate to what I am going thro because I sometimes feel I am completely alone in this nightmare.I am missing Davie SO MUCH right now I think I'm having a REAL bad day.How do you guys cope?It completely overwhelms me.I didnt think it was possible to feel this sad and down.Friends/family have actually told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it and get on with my life!!!!! HOW DARE THEY.I sometimes cant even be bothered getting out of my bed.......never mind "getting on with my life."
What kind of life do I have without Davie anyway?Dont they realise he is my life? I am so glad I found this site.
LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS TO YOU ALL  xxxxxx
               
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: MyLou on December 29, 2011, 05:36:22 PM
(((((((((((((( Angie )))))))))))))


I am so sorry for your loss. Yes people that don't wear our shoes have no idea.  Don't pay them any mind.  Even though it hurts what they say they don't even know.

I had people say some things that I would never say.  I have been told they don't know what to say and guess they don't think before they say it.

Just take one second, minute, hour at a time.  Whatever it takes to get you through. 

I know when I first lost Lou I felt like I was all alone in this world that keeps going on.  I would say to myself how could this world go on don't they know Lou passed.

You came to the right place we care, your friend and here to help.


((((((((((((((((( ANGIE ))))))))))))))))))


Lisa  
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: jasonkl on December 29, 2011, 08:16:54 PM
Angie
I am so sorry for your loss of you Davie. Yoiu are in a safe place here. We all understand what you are going through. Please try to give your friends and family, they do not understand.As Lisa said One minute, one hour, one second at a time what ever it takes. There is no easy answer for any of your questions. You do want ever feels right for you. As Lisa likes to remind me all the time this is very raw for you. Take it slow. And remember you are not alone, we understand.

Jason
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: gaberax on December 30, 2011, 05:53:57 AM
Friends/family have actually told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it and get on with my life!!!!! HOW DARE THEY.I sometimes cant even be bothered getting out of my bed.......never mind "getting on with my life."

I think most of us experience the family members who want us to "get over it."  Don't be too harsh with them. They just want the old you back.  What they don't realize is the old you died with your loved one.  It will take some time to figure out who you are again.  And it will be different than the old you.

I wrote a "Grief Letter" as suggested in my GriefShare group.  In it I informed family, friends and loved ones what I am going through, how difficult it is and what to expect from me for the immediate future.  I printed it out and handed it out to them all.   Even then, I have had to sit personally with some people (my parents, for example) and gently tell them that I need more time and their patience...so please back off a little.

Finally, if you haven't heard of GriefShare it is a 13 week program (Christ-centered) where people going through the loss of a loved one can meet, commiserate and draw strength from each other.  I highly recommend it.  If you are interested go to GriefShare.org and find a list of groups meeting in you Zip code area.

God bless you.  May you have a peaceful, healing and reflective New Year.

Love
Gaberax
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: sonya on December 30, 2011, 07:26:26 AM
((((((((((((Angie))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss of Davie.

Certainly you are not alone and we will be here for you as much as we can. I am so pleased that I found this fantastic forum and hope that in it you found the support and shared understanding that has helped me so much on this horrible journey.

Certainly your family ( and mine) have no right to be telling you to move on. I think that mine have got frightened by intense grief and are wishing it away. It helps me to try to understand their motivation even though i want to scream at them. Maybe it may help you too?

We are here. Take the best care of yourself that you can. Drink a lot of water. Eat regularly even if it is a little. Share as litlle or as much as you like to here. Would be lovely to hear more about Davie when you are ready.

Sonya

((((Angie))))
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: johnkmurray on December 30, 2011, 09:50:51 AM
Friends/family have actually told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it and get on with my life!!!!! HOW DARE THEY.

How dare they indeed! Barely a month has passed and they expect you to flip a switch and turn off your grief. What does it say about their own relationships that they think it is so simple? For that matter, what does this say about society in general? Losing a soulmate is not like replacing a broken lamp. You can't simply think "Old one broke, what a pity, time to get a new one".

People saying this have no idea what nonsense they are spouting. Even worse, they have no idea what to say yet insist on saying it anyway.

John
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 01, 2012, 05:55:41 PM
Once more sincerest heartfelt THANKS to you all. XXX
        Bob
        Lisa
        John
        Jason
        Sonya
You are all in my thoughts,I am sending you all my love.Dunno if it will do you any good but it wont do you any harm either Xx
I took your advice   BOB   and wrote out a few grief letters and today handed the first one to our friend Lauren well she was more Davies friend than mine.Anyway in her letter i had explained that i would like to talk about Davie even if it means me getting upset because i hate people avoiding mentioning Davie just cos I am within earshot.She smiled when she read that part and said"I didn't want to mention Davie incase it upset you,but I really want to talk about him too" And talk we did,for over 3 hours and yes there were tears,hers and mine but by the end of it they were tears of laughter.I actually felt human again.As for the memories I had forgotten I am now remembering them and they feel good.
 Thanks for listening
  Thinking of you all XXXXXXXXXXX
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: jasonkl on January 01, 2012, 07:58:49 PM
(((((((((((((((((((((( angie))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you, It has been a hard 2 weeks.

Jason
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 13, 2012, 07:05:31 PM
HELP Im feeling so bad now.I have been playing the morning Davie died over and over in my head all day.It just wont go away.On that morning he had went upstairs to have a shower and a shave and a few minutes later i was stood in the kitchen and I heard a loud THUD over head.I assumed the boys had went up stairs and were messing about(as usual).I carried on tidying up sorting the washing fed the dogs etc.But that thud was Davie hitting the floor it was him dying.Im downstairs doing housework and he is dead.ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT.He needed me right then and i didnt help him.I let him down in the worst possible way.I hate myself so much right now.Davie is dead cos of me.It is 9 weeks since he died and its weird cos these last 9 weeks seem to have lasted longer than the 20 yrs we had together.I try to remember the sound of his voice or his laugh and i cant remember what they sounded like,I am scared i have forgotten him.I miss him so much and I feel
                                    SH*T!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: jasonkl on January 13, 2012, 10:00:13 PM
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((angie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is not your fault. Had you know what was going on you would have did your best to help. WE ALL HAVE THIS GUILT. We all love our spouces more than life and would have done anything to save them.

You are not forgetting him and you never will. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are trying to hard. This terrable path we are on is exhausting, it take everything we have just to try and get through the minutes of the day and with childern to take care of too, your are hiding some of your greif trying to be strong for them. This takes and even greater toll on you. And to steal Lisa words at 9 weeks your pain is still raw.

ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT.He needed me right then and i didnt help him.I let him down in the worst possible way.I hate myself so much right now.Davie is dead cos of me.

Those are the exact same words I wrote about 2 months ago. Night I lost my wife she had taken her pain meds and went to bed before I got home from taking my sons girlfreind home. I looked in on her when I got home hoping we could work out the fight we had earlier, I was still mad at her and saw she had fallin assleep in some strange position and though nothing of it because she had done this many times, because of my anger I never took notice that this time when I tryed to move her she did not wake up. I left her in that strange position because I could not move her and I was still mad. I know she was still breathing, I always would check because she was on so very strong meds and she would sometimes forget when she took them last and take to much. What I did not notice until I recalled it later was her beathing was very shallow, when I checked on her she was dieing and I did nothing. An hour later when I went to bed, she was gone. This is my guilt that I have to carry. I could I have saved her, that question will never be answered. We did what we though was right at the time. We can't not change what has happened, the guilt you and I and many others carry will not bring them back. The one thing I have learned on this journy is we have to try let go of the guilt it does not help us.  Believe me I know this is much easier said than done. I still have my days where the guilt wins.

My thoughs are with you.

Jason
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: MyLou on January 14, 2012, 05:21:16 AM
(((((((((((((((((( ANGIE ))))))))))))))))))

Please don't blame yourself it's not your fault.  I too blamed myself and it's not my fault.  I wasn't around Lou when he passed he was driving but that morning he had signs.  I said to him I think you are having signs of a heart attack, he said no I will be OK honey. Well he wasn't I got a call a few hours later. I blamed myself for not saying let's go to the hospital but he assured me it was indigestion. He said I will be OK and believed him.  I blamed myself forever but had to stop because God needed him. As hard as that is to except and write at the same time, and stilll don't understand and the WHYS. To this day I keep playing over in my head what happened his co-workers told me and I wasn't there to help or hold him. 

You are overhelmed with pain, you will remember his laugh and voice. Don't be so hard on yourself.

We are all holding you close and onto your hand.  This is a hard journey that no one understands.

Love

Lisa  
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: gaberax on January 14, 2012, 10:44:11 AM
I agree with what the others are saying.  I went through the guilt phase as well, I think we all do...if I had only done this or that, talked her into going to the doctor's sooner, if I had picked up on things earlier, demanded more from the doctor...on and on and on.

The truth is we cannot change things, really.  Life and death take their course.  I was amazed how much was out of my control.  If I had the power....but I didn't and don't and never will.  Try to give yourself a break, you are only human, responsible for your self. God controls the rest.

I suggest you start a journal, either a physical book or an private online journal (http://www.blogger.com (http://www.blogger.com))  I have created two separate blogs, one that details my daily activity since Denise's death, my thoughts and feelings,  raw, unvarnished and truthful, and the other a blog that details Denise, particularly the things I remember....the things about her I miss.  There is also a link to photos of Denise.  I go to the blog when I remember something about her I am missing...her perfume, a particular dish she prepared, the funny things she said, something we did together..It will help me to remember as the years go by.

Good luck and God bless, angie.   ((((angie)))

If you need help with the online blog, let me know.

Bob
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: sonya on January 14, 2012, 11:52:02 AM
(((((((((((((((Angie)))))))))))))))

I wont say dont blame yourself because lots of people say that to me and it doesnt make any difference. I still blame myself.From reading messages on here though I am starting to realise that no matter what we do or dont do, almost everyone feels guilt at not being able to stop their loved ones passing.

I still have guilt for the things I did/not do but am trying to be kind to myself. Nothing I did was malicious. I had no idea that this would happen.

This sounds a bit like you too. You wouldnt have carried on if you had known wht was happening. You would have gone up to him.

Take care of yourself. Huge, massive hugs from me. xxxx

Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 21, 2012, 05:31:14 PM
                     ((((((   EVERYONE   ))))))))
       
            I have taken ALL your wise words on board and am trying to not be so hard on myself.We have to accept that sometimes things just happen whether we like it or not.Have decided to sew Davies fave TShirts together and make them into a blanket then whenever i feel  sad n lonely i can wrap myself up in it.I thing it will make me feel like he is close to me again.I have made a start on it and if nothing else it will give me something to focus on.
              Thank u for listening
                            xxxxx
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: arthur on January 21, 2012, 11:40:34 PM
Hi angie..I am so sorry to hear about the recent loss of your husband last november. I am glad you are listening to the others on the board about not blaming yourself for your husbands death.  I know many on here have done the same thing including myself.  One piece of advice I can offer is to cry as much as you can...don't hold it in..and if you can't cry then write about your grief in a journal.  This journal doesn't have to have any rules to it at all other than to write about you grief..and make sure you do it fairly frequently. Forget about spelling,grammar,length, etc. The important thing is to get your grief out. Write whatever comes to mind.  I personally listen to sad music to get the grief out, and let the tears flow. I also talk to God  whatever /whoever  you conceive him to be. I am surprised at how much this has strengthend me and aided me in my grief..actually allowing me to get the pain out. I also talk to my wife alot. Also please forget the future for the time being.  I am sure you have heard this piece of advice before..but living day to day and moment to moment allows you to focus on your healing and to forget what is really of secondary importance.  I am so sorry that you have relatives who expect you to "get over it."  JohnK is right..people who say such nonsense really embarass themselves because what they say really says alot about the sorry state of their own lives. Ignore these people and gather those close to you who show you understanding and kindness. These are the people you need now. Take care of yourself angie and know you are not alone. arthur
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: sonya on January 22, 2012, 01:02:20 PM
Hi Angie,

I think the t-shirt blanket sounds like a fantastic idea x
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: browneyedgirl on January 26, 2012, 04:41:10 PM
Checking in on you, Angie...how are you doing?
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 27, 2012, 02:04:52 AM
Hi
                ((((((SONYA))))))
      Thanks for liking my tshirt blanket idea.I dont wanna let go of his belongings I guess.My ideas always sound good in my head its when i put them into practice that they become a nightmare.(lol) xx
                ((((((ARTHUR))))))
       I am finding it hard to cry .I dunno why cos i feel like I am on the verge of crying all the time.I have been keeping 3 journals since Davie died.In one I write him a letter just telling him abuot my day,n about the boys n just general chit chat.The 2nd one is my memory book and in that is everything i remember about him and the 3rd journal is just all my different and mixed up feelings.I talk to Davie all the time n hope he is listening (  that would be a first  LOL) xx
                  ((((((((BROWNEYEDGIRL))))))))
         Your post finds me in an OK place today which is better than where i was before!!  Hope this reply finds you in an OK place to xx
         
          ((((((((((((((((((((((((EVERYONE))))))))))))))))))))
     
                                         XXXXXXX
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: Doug1222 on January 27, 2012, 07:13:06 AM
Angie, first of all, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Have decided to sew Davies fave TShirts together and make them into a blanket then whenever i feel  sad n lonely i can wrap myself up in it.I thing it will make me feel like he is close to me again.I have made a start on it and if nothing else it will give me something to focus on.

That's a wonderful idea. My wife had a quilt made for our son of his T-shirts. It was for his high school graduation. It came out really neat. It's one of his most prized possessions. That sounds like something that would help a lot when you're missing Davie.

Once again, I am very sorry about your loss. I just read from the beginning, and that's about all I can think of to say. I'm sorry.

(((((((((((angie))))))))))))))
Doug
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 27, 2012, 04:59:36 PM
        (((((((((((((DOUG))))))))))))))

         Hi.Nice to hear from you.Thankyou for your kind words.You have inspired me to pick up my needle and thread again and get on with getting "my blanket" finished.I am sure it'll be a work of art when it is finished???(well at least it will be to me).At first it was difficult going thro his clothes cos every tshirt brought back  memories but I hope it will be worth it in the end.

         Angie
            xxx         
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: Doug1222 on January 27, 2012, 05:16:14 PM
        (((((((((((((DOUG))))))))))))))

         Hi.Nice to hear from you.Thankyou for your kind words.You have inspired me to pick up my needle and thread again and get on with getting "my blanket" finished.I am sure it'll be a work of art when it is finished???(well at least it will be to me).At first it was difficult going thro his clothes cos every tshirt brought back  memories but I hope it will be worth it in the end.

Angie,
The one my wife had done used the T-shirts as a quilt top. It really came out awesome. His aunt made it.

I think you will find it very comforting. It seems cathartic to make it, too. It's a wonderful idea, I think.
Doug
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: Terry on January 28, 2012, 02:20:45 AM

Hi Angie,

I've just finished reading all of your posts and I just want you to know that you have my heart. Truly. I really like your idea for the 'T-Shirt Blanket.' I sleep in my son's T's often and also, my husband's shirts. I've always found it comforting. We do what we need to do for as long as we need to do it. We do anything and everything to help with the pain which helps to adopt more coping skills. This is such a long and hard journey but you're not alone. Sadly, many understand and walk 'with' you.

We all feel guilt to a certain degree. It's very normal after someone dies. In our own time, we learn to work through it and then we find a way to live with it. And, that's a huge step because it's only then that we can begin to grieve in a healthy manner and start to heal to where we are called to rejoin life again.

I know it's hard, but try to be ever so gentle with 'you' and know that your great pain is fueled by the great love you felt for your precious Davie. I'm so sorry you're having to live without him. I do understand.

Keep posting. It helps, a lot!

((((((((Angie))))))))

Love,
Terry

Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 28, 2012, 04:56:23 PM
         ((((((((((( TERRY  )))))))))))))

I read your reply today and i am glad i did.After reading it I sobbed and sobbed for about half an hour.Thankyou cos I havent been able to cry for about a week now .I knew the tears were there but I just couldnt let them out.
   It was the "know that your great pain is fuelled by the great love you felt for Davie" that hit home.
                   Wow
   I have never thought of any of this that way before.Whenever i feel down i am going to come back and read and re-read those words.You are an inspiration.
                       THANKYOU XXXX
                        Angie
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: sonya on January 30, 2012, 05:21:29 AM
Hi Angie,

curious to ask how the blanket is getting on? And of course to check in on how you are feeling xxx
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on January 30, 2012, 01:45:27 PM
(((((((SONYA)))))))))

Feeling "up" today Hope you are in as good a place as you can be too.
As for my blanket.........well lets just say as i am in a good place it is coming on WELL(more like a huge cushion at the moment but one day it will be a blanket)

Angie XXXXXX
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: MyLou on January 30, 2012, 04:52:08 PM
(((((((((((((( ANGIE )))))))))))))))))))))


That is so great you are making a blanket out of Davie's shirts.  Awesome !!

Once you have it finished maybe you can take a picture and show us your beautiful blanket.

Always,

Lisa
 
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: sonya on January 31, 2012, 02:21:06 AM
(((((((((Angie))))))))))))

great to hear you having a positive day and working on your blanket. Maybe we can get together one day and u can show me it :)
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on February 01, 2012, 05:17:35 PM
   (((((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))))))))
When this blanket is done (it will probably take me about 2 years) I'll be so proud of it I'll show it to the entire world

Anyway I have been in an OK place since Sunday morning but it is starting to go away now and I am really not wanting it too.On saturdy night I had a dream about Davie and it felt so real at the time.It was so nice to hear his voice n his laugh again.I even saw his cheeky smile(god i love his smile).When i woke on Sunday n realised it was just a dream it didnt matter cos it just made me feel good that i had "seen" him again.In the dream he told me he hadnt left me n that he was still here( and with his cheeky smile he then said,"I cant be bothered being anywhere else anyway)  I have felt like he is somehow with me since n its been kinda nice.I thought I'd post this so i can re read it if and when this OK feeling does decide to leave me.
  Thanks for listening
                       (((((((((((EVERYONE)))))))))))))

                            Angie
                               xxx
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: MyLou on February 01, 2012, 05:27:22 PM
((((((((((((((((( ANGIE )))))))))))))))))))))))

I can't wait to see the blanket and you should show it to the world :icon_flower:

Your Davie is with you and always will be.  I have dreams of Lou and he gives me signs all the time.

Always,

Lisa
 
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: sonya on February 02, 2012, 05:23:04 PM
Angie! :)

I love it when Tone visits me in dreams. They are infrequent but wonderful and I feel so close to him for days afterwards.

Reading your post reminded me of those dreams and made me smile all over again - especially the cheecky smile as Tone has one of those too!

Thanks for sharing and making me smile today xxx
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on February 03, 2012, 03:44:32 AM
((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))))
((((((((((SONYA))))))))))))

Knowing they are still with us helps so much.People told me he was still here just didnt feel it.Glad i can now!!!!!!!!
       Sonya
Im glad remembering Tone's smile makes you smile.
Cheeky smiles are so infectious

         HUGE hugs

          Angie
           xxxxx
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: angie on February 19, 2012, 02:54:28 AM
((((((((((((((((EVERYONE)))))))))))))))))

Been trying hard to be up and positive but i cant be bothered trying anymore.I miss Davie so much it feels like the first few weeks all over again.Cant sleep,cant stop crying and all I want is for him to come home.It is horrible him not being here and i want him to come home cos then it will be okay.I feel totally alone in this world cos he was all i had.Sometimes i feel so angry at him cos he has left me he promised me we'd grow old together so he lied.I thought he was a good dad but he went and left his kids too.Still i miss him and i always feel bad when i get angry at him.
I MISS HIM  I MISS HIM  I MISS HIM

Sorry i am being so miserable but it is how i feel right now

Angie
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: MyLou on February 19, 2012, 05:11:16 AM
(((((((((((((((( ANGIE )))))))))))))))))))))))


I'm so sorry it's only been 3 mths for you and still very RAW.  I had say those exact words what Lou had promised me.  I don't have children and my heart also breaks for your children.  Lou had children and left them my heart breaks for them too.

I know if they had a choice they would be with us physically but they are here spiritually.  I know it's not the same but Davie is still with you.

Never be sorry of how you feel sad, angry, happy.  We are here for you always. I still have my bad days. 

Sending love and hugs to you !!!!

Love,
Lisa
Title: Re: I MISS YOU DAVIE
Post by: jasonkl on February 19, 2012, 06:18:55 AM
((((((((((((((((((((Angie))))))))))))))))))))

Hold on my friend, please don't apologize for your feelings. This is one of the few places you can say how you feel and everyone gets it. We are listen , to confort and help each other as much as we can.

 At 3 months I was all over the place. One day I could deal the next I was a mess, sometimes it would change by the hour. To be honest I still have days like that as you know.

A wise preson told me when I get like this and It won't pass to do something for me. I know you don't feel like it but it does help. Take a long hot bath, a nice walk out side. Maybe do something with the kids.

I have to agree with Lisa i to think they would still be here if they could.  He is still with you look in your heart and you will find him there.

Sending love and hugs

Jason