Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: oneangel on November 09, 2011, 11:31:09 AM

Title: 2 years today :(
Post by: oneangel on November 09, 2011, 11:31:09 AM
Today is 2 years since my husband passed away, which also means that his birthday is only 6 days away. Last year I had taken the day off work because I didn't think I could focus. I decided to work this year. Not sure if it was the best thing to do, but at least it is keeping me busy. I am a lot angrier this year than last year. I am struggling with the whole finding the good in the situation or there is always a reason for these things ("everything happens for a reason"). All I see is that his passing left three kids without a father, I lost my best friend and the only person I have EVER really trusted. I am always stressed out, my kids go through waves of grief. I have been left to do everything alone. My youngest will not have any memories of his dad. There is no good reason for im being taken away from us. I put a memoriam in the paper for today, this is what it says:

To my sweet angel...
I sit here alone
Watching people passing by
Everyone living their lives
As you fly in the sky.
I'm torn up inside
I miss you so much
Can't stand life without you
Just want one more touch.
The kids are okay
They miss you lots too
Hope you are watching
Because we all love you!

It's been two years since you were
taken away from us.
Know that you are forever in our
hearts, always remembered.
We love you!

All I keep thinking is that life really sucks without him here. I miss him terribly.
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: Terry on November 09, 2011, 12:24:48 PM


Thinking of you as you're remembering your precious Juventino. I hope a special memory finds it's way into your heart and fills it with peace today.

Holding you close.

Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: browneyedgirl on November 09, 2011, 01:36:30 PM

Lots of love and hugs to you and your children.  I am so sorry.  I can't imagine what you must be going though.  I am just so sorry.
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: jasonkl on November 09, 2011, 04:16:11 PM
 I'm sorry. Hope you find some tranquility. Your memoriam was beautiful thank you for sharing.

Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: johnkmurray on November 09, 2011, 09:10:31 PM

We are all left with so many questions and so few answers. I, too, struggle to make sense of this and being told "everything happens for a reason" just doesn't do it for me either. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us.

Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: oneangel on November 09, 2011, 11:53:52 PM
Thanks everyone for being here. People who remembered what today was were sweet but it did not bring any comfort.
After work today, we went to the mausoleum, changed the flowers and prayed to my husband. My oldest had a breakdown while there. He couldn't speak, just cried. We then went home and made my husband's favourite food: pizza. The kids loved it. After dinner, we watched a home video. My youngest kept calling out 'papa' since he recognized him from pictures. We unfortunately do not video of the two of them together. At bedtime, my daughter broke down. Kids should not have to grieve this way. They are too young to be this sad. Lots of emotions today. Time for bed.
Thank you again for listening.

(((hugs to all)))
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: jasonkl on November 10, 2011, 05:33:48 AM
No thanks are required. You have been their for me in some of my darkest moments.

I agree kids should not have to grieve, growing up is hard enough on it own. I can't imagine want they go through losing a parent.
My son does not grieve in front of me. He is trying to be strong for me. He grieves with his girlfrend, she tells me when he does brake down.

I hope you don't mind, I wanted to ask you a question. Did any of your childern get angery right away? Its been alittle less than 3 months and he is very angery right now. He doesn't show it all the time, but I can tell.

hoping today will be a better day
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: oneangel on November 10, 2011, 09:44:57 PM
jasonkl: my kids have not been angry. Don't think they either feel they can be angry or feel angry yet. They have acted out but that is because that is how they are showing their sadness.
I do know of another woman with two kids, aged 6 and 4. When her husband died this past May, she said her 6year old became angry right away. I guess it just depends what they are thinking and feeling.

As for them grieving, they are young (7,6 &2), so they just become emotional at times, especially during holidays and celebrations. They ask to go to the cemetery which breaks my heart because I feel it is so wrong for kids to be essentially growing up at a cemetery. But I will do almost anything to make sure they get comfort and relief for their grief.
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: arthur on November 10, 2011, 10:47:17 PM
Hi oneangel. I am sorry that I didn't post sooner, I just wanted to post my condolences on the 2 year anniversary of your husbands death yesterday. You responded to my post tonight and I am gratrful and thankful for your response. In your response you said how it must be worse for me about finding a purpose in life since my wifes death since I had no kids. I just had to say while I think you can't really compare people's burdens, I think having to raise 3 kids on your own without your husband's help is a huge burden. I think you really are a strong woman and raising 3 kids by yourself is the proof. I can't imagine doing what you do everyday, all the while grieving for your husband.  I pray for you and your kids. Take care, arthur   
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: jasonkl on November 10, 2011, 11:12:36 PM

Thank you for answering my question. Your childern are about half the age of mine. My son will be 18 in a few months. He was always closer to his mom. I worked all the time and when she got hurt, she was always home. I may have ran him around but she was one he talked to. I'm not sure what to do for him, if there is anything I can do.

thanks for listening
Title: Re: 2 years today :(
Post by: oneangel on November 11, 2011, 12:10:34 PM
jason, that age is so difficult. I think all you can do is just let him know you love him, tell him everyday, and also let him know that you are there for him whenever he needs you. When he is ready, he'll connect with you. At least he is trusting his girlfriend to let things out, it's better than holding it all in.