webhealing.com
Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Sibling Loss => Topic started by: helene on January 10, 2011, 10:15:23 AM
-
My husband and I purposely avoided the downtown parties,
The twelve gongs at midnight, streamers, whistles, kisses, and hugs,
The nostalgic singing of Auld Lang Syne, the shouts of 'Happy New Year!,
Avoided it on TV at home too, didn't phone my mother at midnight either,
Like I always used to, because we're estranged now.
Went over to the neighbors for awhile, she talked about her Alzheimer mother,
He talked about the flu he was getting over, while they kept knocking back,
Glass after glass of Crown Royal and Baileys, we left by ten,
In bed by 10:30, me reading another book about sudden loss, while my husband slept.
Next day walked around aimlessly, in the grey, cold blankness of day 1 of 2011.
I remembered how my sister Lesley, always read her New Year horoscopes,
Her Libra ones written out carefully, and her first thoughts about the year 2010,
The year she died, in her journal: "It is all so amazing and beautiful...accept it and be it,
Life is a dance and the life-force and flow will carry me,
Like the current does in a river and the wind does in the sky."
Helene.
-
Helene,
I completely understand having to avoid the NYE countdown and going home early from the party or get-together you were at. The first NYE after Jolene died I went to a NYE party. I had to leave early as well. I thought I would be ok but I just couldn't take it. Something had prevented Jolene and I from being together the last couple of NYEs before this one so we were looking forward to NYE 08. I fully understand so much of your feelings. As I have said, your poems bring back so many memories of Jolene.
(((HUGS)))
Gail
-
Hi Gail,
I am glad that my poems help bring back more memories of your sister Jolene. I cannot help feeling glad that Christmas and New Year is now over. I bet a lot of us here on Webhealing were not into the 'party mood' for either events. I can certainly understand why you were not. Now life goes on I guess, as best as we can manage. I look out the window at a very grey day and it matches my mood. I've been reading a lot of books on people's memoirs about grief and last night, after watching the movie classic, Fairwell to Arms about WWI, I suddenly sobbed and sobbed. I couldn't stop. I felt like I was crying not just in grief over my sister Lesley's loss for for the grief of the entire world. It was unbearable and I had many troubled dreams during the night. Today I feel like I've just returned from the 'front' myself. Thanks 'listening' to me.
(((Hugs))) to you too Gail!
Helene.