webhealing.com

Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Parent Loss => Topic started by: Tom on October 11, 2010, 05:00:11 AM

Title: Introductions
Post by: Tom on October 11, 2010, 05:00:11 AM
Please use this thread to introduce yourself and say hello to the group.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: PAW on October 27, 2010, 04:00:04 PM
Please use this thread to introduce yourself and say hello to the group.
Please use this thread to introduce yourself and say hello to the group.
hello my name is PAW and I lost one of the most important people in the world to me. I lost my mom, mother, my best friend.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on October 27, 2010, 10:02:25 PM
((((( PAW )))))

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom.

Welcome to Webhealing! When you're comfortable doing so, I'd love to hear about your Mom, your best friend. A Mother's love is so special and I know you must be devastated right now. You have my heart.

Sending lots of hugs, too!

((((((((((((PAW))))))))))

With love and Understanding,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: PAW on October 28, 2010, 05:11:53 AM
Thanks for your support.  I really don't know where to begin.  My mother passed on 03/10/2010, but, it seems like it just happened yesterday.  I can still feel the anixety of the phone call on 03/10/2010.  My sibblings and I had left the hospital around 8:30 on 03/09/2010 visiting hours were officially over.  I spoke to my mothers nurse and informed her that I would be calling around 11:00pm to check on the status of my mothers condition.  I called at 11:00 and everything was fine; however at 12:17am on 03/10/2010 I received a phone call stating that my mother had gone into cardiac arrest and she needed to be reccessitated.  I told the doctors do what you have to do to keep her alive until my sibblings and I could get to the hospital.  Consequently, talking about this is bringing tears to my heart.  So please forgive me, this is as far as I can go at this time.  Thanks for listening.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on October 28, 2010, 06:25:11 AM
PAW,

Thanks for sharing a little about your precious Mom. I understand how painful it can be and also that it can seem like it just happened yesterday, as you shared.

That dreaded phone call that we've all received is embedded in our minds forever. It's one thing I would like to have erased, if I could. It replays over and over, and for a long time. Please know you are not alone. We all understand the anxiety that seems to linger from the call that changes our lives.

Are you close with your siblings? As, this year there will be a lot of "First's" as in the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without your Mom. I sure hope you have the support you will need for these times.

Come here and share about your Mom anytime, as you are able. And, please keep us updated on how "you" are feeling.

Know we care, very much.

((((((((((PAW))))))))))

My love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: ScottW on October 28, 2010, 08:51:32 AM
Hello PAW.  Just wanted to welcome you to this wonderful site and express my sympathy to you.  Grief is an awful emotion and being able to communicate with those who really understand (i.e., via this website) has brought me a lot of comfort over the past 2 years.  I hope (and am confident) that it will do the same for you.

Don't ever be afraid to write ANYTHING here . . . we all 'get it'.

Hope to hear more from you soon.

Scott
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Mommysbabygirl on December 16, 2010, 04:05:50 PM
Hello All, My Mom passed away Nov 23rd from complications of high blood pressure. My Mom and I lived together and this has been very difficult. I feel like my family doesn't understand how I feel and I tend to be a little sensitive so that doesn't help. I was back at home for a week and then started having panic attacks so I am staying with my sister. They are getting better as I am allowing myself to cry instead of leaving it all in. I have always keep my feelings inside even while taking care of my Mom and now I'm trying to let it out.

My Mom was a Christian and has amazing faith so that comforts me knowing that she is in heaven with Jesus, but with her not here I feel lonely and lost.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: browneyedgirl on December 16, 2010, 04:45:22 PM
Hello Mommysbabygirl ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. 

Welcome to Webhealing, I am sorry that you have to walk this journey with us. 

Cry if you need to, let it out, it will help. 

There are many people here to listen, anytime.  Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

((((mommysbabygirl))))
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: AGA on December 22, 2010, 06:09:02 AM
Hi on the 21st of sept this year I lost my dad. 11 years ago I also lost my mum on my birthday. I am now an adult orphan and am finding it hard to cope!!!
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: browneyedgirl on December 22, 2010, 09:09:27 AM
AGA~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your parents. 

Welcome to Webhealing, I am sorry you have to be here.  There are many people who care and understand the pain that you are in. 

Please take care of yourself and come back and let us know how you are doing.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: AGA on December 23, 2010, 02:42:11 AM
Hi browneyedgirl,

Thanks for your reply. I am new to the whole forum thing. I have been reading alot of the posts and it is amazing to see that so many people are in the same boat.
 
My dad died on 21 sept and I miss him so much. My mum died 11 years ago on my birthday. ( She had stomach cancer). I thought that is was traumatic then but we still had my dad and so I had a focus which was to look after him and ensure that he was ok. BUT now that he has gone I have become an adult orphan and its horrible. I am now mouning for my mum as well as my dad. Last week was my birthday and my mum's 11 year anniversary. I was devestated as my dad wasn't here. It took me about 10 years to acknowledge my birthday after my mum and this year my dad is also dead. When I was born I had 2 parents and now I have none. I am blessed to have lots of loving family and friends around but not having my dad is devestating. His death was so quick. He had congestive heart failure. He had it for about 10 years. he was in and out of hospital in that time on many occasions but he always pulled through. This time was different as he was at end stage and the doctors told us that we had anywhere between 2 - 3 weeks to live but he died 3 days later. We are still in shock of the speed of it all. I was with him when he passed and I am glad of that. Xmas will be here in 2 days and I just feel so sad that he won't be here. Today I baked his favourite biscuits and I just wish that he could be here to have them with us. Eveything seems so surreal...... Anyrate I am rambling now Thanks AGA

Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on December 23, 2010, 02:49:26 AM
AGA,

So sorry to hear of the recent death of your Dad. I understand you miss your Momma, also. Do you have any siblings or other family support? The holiday's are a difficult time of the year so stay close to those who can understand the pain you are feeling right now.

Welcome to Webhealing where others 'do' understand the pain from a great loss. Please tell us more about your Dad as you are able. We are always here to listen and lend a hand and send a big hug!

(((((((((((((((AGA)))))))))))))))

With Love & Understanding,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on December 23, 2010, 02:57:49 AM
Hi AGA,

Our posts just crossed, it seems and I just read where you 'do' have family and friends who are supportive and I'm happy to hear this. It is so important. Yes, you are blessed!!

Happy belated Birthday and I hope you felt the peace and the love you found in loving both your Mom and Dad. I believe he knew you made his favorite biscuits!!

Take care and look forward to hearing more from you!

((((((((((AGA))))))))))

My Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: swgirl094 on March 21, 2011, 10:33:27 AM
Hi, I am new here.  I found this website on our funeral home's web page linking to resources for those dealing with grief.  I lost my mom 2 months ago and am struggling daily but trying to stay positive for my family.  She went to the hospital the day after Thanksgiving with stomach pains and thought it was a kidney stone.  That night we were told she had cancer in her colon, liver, and lungs.  Biopsy told us it was neuroendocrine cancer, a rare disease and was not hereditary either.  She passed away not even two months after that. 

It feels like the past few months have been a train wreck that came out of no where.  At first after her death I was so in shock that it didn't really register.  Now that things have slowed down and the dust has settled, it is extremely difficult and feels harder every day.  I am 22 years old and keep thinking about what she will miss.  Seeing my dad heart broken is the worst part about it.  I still feel like I might wake up from this nightmare some day.  It all was so quick and unexpected.

Thank you for letting me be a part of this forum.
Title: New Member...Dying inside
Post by: Kajunsweetp on May 04, 2011, 07:01:51 AM
HI my name is Lynne. 8 months ago my father came to live with us after a fall in his trailer and was delared that he could no longer live alone.It was the first time in 10 years that I had seen him which was not by my choice. We talked on the phone at least 3 times a week but everytime I mentioned going to see him 13 hours away, he always made excuses for me not to come.Shortly after he came to live with us , he was diagnosed with Alzhiemers/dementia. Friday April 15th we celebrated his 88th birthday, which we all knew would be his last. 10 days later -april 25th my father passed away at our home. His passing was peaceful but the images of his final breath will not leave my mind.He was no longer my father, but over the past 8 months , He had became my child, One of my Precious children.Will this pain ever leave? It is consuming my soul.

Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: phebzparis on May 10, 2011, 05:16:11 AM
hii my names phoebe am 17 years of age and i lost my mum in 2007 and i lost my dad to suicide 2009 since this i have felt like im a lost soul i feel i have nothing or nobody all i wish for is for them to still be here but i no that it isnt going to happen i dont have many freinds i have also pushd family away i have tryd to take my own life quite a few times i just would really like to no how to move on from all of this without feelin depresed all the time.
Title: Hi i am claire
Post by: claire31 on May 10, 2011, 08:15:54 AM
Hi my name is claire, i am new to the group, i have just spent over an hour writing about the loss of my father and it wouldnt post, or it said i need to register arrrgh, i'm guttered, lets hope i have better luck with this post.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: browneyedgirl on May 10, 2011, 09:07:33 AM
Welcome Phoebe ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom and Dad. 

Welcome Claire ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your father.

There are many people here who are supportive, and will offer a kind, encouraging word when needed.  Please feel free to start a new thread telling us more, if you wish, or just how you're feeling......

One day at a time.....sending love and light to both of you.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: ashleyryan on May 29, 2011, 11:46:30 PM
Hello,

My name is Ashley and im new to this site. And to everyone who has lost someone they love, i am truly sorry for your loss. I  lost my mother about two years ago from lung disease.  She was my best friend and since her death my life has felt meaningless.  My friends and fiance try to understand but they have never dealt with loss of a parent.  She was my only parent and i dont have a big family so it was always her and I.  My brother and sister are older and werent very close with her like i was so I am grieving differently then them.  They are moving on quite well but i cant seem to.  I am not alone in life but without her i feel utterly alone. i relive the last moments always feeling guilty thinking i could have done more for her.  The sadness is overwhelming. Sometimes i feel like i will never regain a sense of happiness again. i just want to feel better....
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: browneyedgirl on May 31, 2011, 12:21:25 PM
Hello Ashley ~

Welcome to Webhealing......I am sorry you have to be here with us.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother.  I lost my brother about 2 year ago.....2 years is not a long time.  Be patient with yourself, and I do hope that you find some peace.

Feel free to start a new thread if you like telling us more about your mom and/or feelings.  There is always someone to listen.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on June 07, 2011, 07:00:31 PM
Hi Claire,

I'm sorry for the loss of your precious Father and I'm glad you found us here. Welcome!

Try the post again, when you feel up to it. It helps to write everything down and to know someone is listening and understands.

Take care of 'you' right now and know we care here, very much!

((((((((((((((((((Claire))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: rraven0530 on June 26, 2011, 08:01:25 AM
Dear Ashley,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I just lost my dad a couple of months ago and although I can't say I know how you feel, I can say I know the pain of loss.  I live in New Mexico while the rest of my family live in Boston, MA so I to feel very alone in my grief sometimes.  Talking on the phone just seems to upset my sister who lives with my mom, I'm envious sometimes that they have each other and was thankful to find this site. 

I lost my dad suddently we didn't even know he was ill although thats just the kind of man he was.  I didn't get to say goodbye and feel the loss daily.

Offering you peace and friendship if you ever need to talk.

Jennifer
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: IMUM on December 28, 2011, 12:44:22 AM
hi my name is melody and i lost my mom to breast cancer on sept 07/2008.  i am also an only child.although i functioned and maintained a wonderful happy life for 3 years, my grief unexpectedly hit me in sept 2011.. i had no clue what was wrong with me, i had very bad anxiety and depression. when a friend of mine suggested it may be grief i started confronting my feelings of my major loss. i am the kind of person who doesnt like to show my vulnerability and was under the impression for 3 years that my mom would want me to be strong for my family.  i have 3 daughters and a wonderful husband. my grief has been the hardest thing i have ever ever had to deal with that it still scares me. somedays  i wonder if i will ever be me again. without worry or fear. its only been months since i have started mourning, and it has gotten a hell of a lot better since september when i literally thought i was gonna lose my mind( because it wouldnt slow down) there are days i still feel scared and lonely but they are few. im more in an accepting stage right now, but i go all over the place from agitated to anxious to happy to sad. it has been quite the awakening experience. i have seen emotions i have never used much before. im confident i will be well as long as i let myself cry and honor my feelings, because that too is a learning curve for me. thanks everyone for sharing your stories, i do see that there is a lot of what i feel in alll of you.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Doug1222 on January 17, 2012, 07:12:28 PM
although i functioned and maintained a wonderful happy life for 3 years, my grief unexpectedly hit me in sept 2011.. i had no clue what was wrong with me

Hi, Melody. I'm Doug, and I also had a delayed grieving. Mine is for my brother in '95 and my dad in '00.

I felt a lot of what you felt, and I couldn't figure out why, either. I thought it was a mid-life crisis. I'm just now understanding the huge impact it had that I never realized. I'm really just getting started, but it feels like this is the right road.

I hope you find peace. 
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: FROG on April 27, 2012, 08:52:37 PM
I am new to blogs and forums.  I read about this on the funeral home website. 
I am not sure what to say for an introduction. 
It has been an emotional year for my family.  My husband's father died in February. 
Our daughter had a baby in March.  That is wonderful but our daughter and her family live 3000 miles away.
My mom died on Maundy Thursday.   :tearyeyed:
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: violetlight on May 24, 2012, 08:29:09 PM
Hello, I am violetlight, but call me Violet if you want. It's not my real name but you know the deal...

I lost my mom, at the time I post this, just two months ago. She died suddenly in a car accident. I am only 23 and had been living with her and my dad until I could start my career and get on my feet, but she died before I could finish my schooling. I'm still early in the grieving process, and I am glad to have found a place where I can meet others who are experiencing what I am experiencing, makes me feel less alone.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on May 24, 2012, 09:36:28 PM
Hi Violet,

I am sorry to learn of the death of your precious Mom. So tragic and I know you're heartbroken. Please know we're here for you. My Mom died when I, too was very young as you are now. That was in '77 and I still miss her very much. My Dad just recently died in December, about 5 months ago.

Tell us more about your Mom when you're comfortable doing so. There's always someone here to listen and everyone is very supportive and caring on all of the boards.

Welcome to our online family. I hope you will find the same love and support that I have over the years.

((((((((Violet)))))))

Love & Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Ranger32080 on December 06, 2012, 02:29:07 AM
Hello everyone, my name is Adam. 

I lost my mother on November 23, 2011 due to Diabetes/Kidney Disease.  She had been on dialysis, but when she came home from her treatment on the 18th, we knew it wouldn't be much longer because of how much the treatment drained the life out of her.  She had already lost the ability to talk maybe the week before and it was like her eyes were open, but nobody was home.  Then finally at 1:45 am on Nov.23, my dad and sister woke me up and told me it was time.  As we stood there with the hospice nurse, we watched her take her final breath and then she was gone.  I think at that time, I was more relieved knowing that she wasn't in pain and suffering anymore.  As the months went by, I was fine, but then my father announced that he had met someone and was going to Indianapolis to help her sell her house and most of her stuff and then move her down here.  At first, it didn't really sink in until she actually got here.  Then I was like....it hasn't even been a year yet, how can he do this?  I have tried to adapt so far.....but earlier this week.... It hit me hard.  I guess I have finally started the actual grieving process......I cried and cried for 3 days straight because I had missed mom so much.  I went to her grave and talked to her a little the other day.  It seemed to help a little, but I still find myself crying here and there.  I wish she can come back at least once so I can hear her voice and have her tell me that everything is going to be okay. 

Sorry if I rambled on too much, but I just couldn't stop typing
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on December 06, 2012, 08:44:19 AM

Welcome, Adam! I'm so sorry you lost your precious Momma.



  I have tried to adapt so far.....but earlier this week.... It hit me hard.  I guess I have finally started the actual grieving process......I cried and cried for 3 days straight because I had missed mom so much.  I went to her grave and talked to her a little the other day.  It seemed to help a little, but I still find myself crying here and there.  I wish she can come back at least once so I can hear her voice and have her tell me that everything is going to be okay. 

Sorry if I rambled on too much, but I just couldn't stop typing


We love so deeply and for so long, so there is no time limit on how we grieve. Losing a parent is devastating and I'm glad to hear that you're able to work through your grief with your tears and the ritual of visiting her and talking with her. That's very important.

There's no such thing as rambling on here, as the longer your posts are, the more of your feelings your getting out! I would love to hear more about your Momma when you're comfortable sharing!

Sending hugs, love and understanding,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: browneyedgirl on December 06, 2012, 11:29:30 AM
Hello everyone, my name is Adam.  

I lost my mother on November 23, 2011 due to Diabetes/Kidney Disease.  She had been on dialysis, but when she came home from her treatment on the 18th, we knew it wouldn't be much longer because of how much the treatment drained the life out of her.  She had already lost the ability to talk maybe the week before and it was like her eyes were open, but nobody was home.  Then finally at 1:45 am on Nov.23, my dad and sister woke me up and told me it was time.  As we stood there with the hospice nurse, we watched her take her final breath and then she was gone.  I think at that time, I was more relieved knowing that she wasn't in pain and suffering anymore.  As the months went by, I was fine, but then my father announced that he had met someone and was going to Indianapolis to help her sell her house and most of her stuff and then move her down here.  At first, it didn't really sink in until she actually got here.  Then I was like....it hasn't even been a year yet, how can he do this?  I have tried to adapt so far.....but earlier this week.... It hit me hard.  I guess I have finally started the actual grieving process......I cried and cried for 3 days straight because I had missed mom so much.  I went to her grave and talked to her a little the other day.  It seemed to help a little, but I still find myself crying here and there.  I wish she can come back at least once so I can hear her voice and have her tell me that everything is going to be okay.  

Sorry if I rambled on too much, but I just couldn't stop typing

Weclome Adam
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Ranger32080 on December 06, 2012, 11:44:56 AM
Ty BrownEyedGirl
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Sara Ann on June 16, 2013, 05:38:11 PM
Hi Lynne,

I'm touched by how well you took care of your father. I'm sure you brought a lot of peace and comfort to him. He didn't die alone; he had you with him, caring for him. This is a precious gift you gave him.

I'm saying a prayer now that God will light your path and that you will know that your Dad cherished you and appreciated everything you did for him. I know your memories are sweet, and that you are holding onto them like the jewels that they are.

God bless you and keep you,

Sara Ann
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: IwillPraiseHim2013 on November 22, 2013, 08:41:30 PM
Hello All, I am IwillPraiseHim2013

I lost my mother to Advanced Liver Cancer 10/13/13.  My world is upside down.  The hospital gave me this website address. 

Good evening
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: browneyedgirl on November 22, 2013, 10:03:48 PM
Welcome to Webhealing.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother.  You have come the right place.....we are here for you. 
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Cindyc on February 10, 2014, 08:06:10 AM
I don't know were to begin. I will start out telling you that I lost my youngest daughter of Twins 3 yrs old and oldest daughter 7 at the time of her death. She was only 27 passed away of a massive heart attck. It was so hard on us when we re'cvd the phone call. Her one yr Ann. was 2-9-2014 . But before the one yr I lost my mom Dec 28th 2013 from infection that took her life in 3 days. I was with her all 3 days to the end. Then my Dad was sick at the same time we got thru mom's services and My Dad went into the hosptial he was there after he got rid of his sickness they put him in Rehab to build his strength he had a broken heart of mom's passing, he passed away Jan 29th 2014. So right now I'm Num and need some asst. on what Book would be good to read , mind you I dont like to read alot so I dont want a thik book. But I need to find the right Train track to get on and start dealing with all of this. I do talk to someone every week that helps some need something else also thanks for your support
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on February 12, 2014, 10:27:40 AM

((((Cindy))))

I'm sorry to learn of the death of both of your parents. It's so difficult living without those we love. Know we are here for you. Post anytime. :love9:

Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: hillariousmac on February 16, 2014, 11:15:00 PM
Hi my name is Hillary and I lost my mother 6 months ago.

It is her birthday in two days and I am still awash with grief. She died about six weeks after my marriage. She seemed completely healthy and her normal jovial and loving self on my wedding day. She was however, as always, struggling with her relationship with my father. She died four days before their 45th wedding anniversary. She told me over the phone about two weeks before she went into hospital that she was going to leave him. I can't tell anyone this, expect my sister.

Mum was my soulmate, my best friend. I feel like an orphan, my father is a child she had cared for for 45 years. He is an alcoholic. He hasn't eaten properly since she died.. Or cared for himself at all. I have to coax him to bathe, to eat. He won't pick up a thing other than a bottle. If I leave him for three days I come back to empty bottles lining the lounge. My sister is much older than me but she is not coping either. Her marriage is in tatters. Mum's sisters have ostracised her. There have been police reports and blocking of phone numbers and Facebook accounts etc. I feel like I haven't just lost one person I feel like my whole family has disintegrated without her. She bound us to one another...

She was an artist. A teacher. She connected with anyone she met. She was caring and passionate and kind. She and I shared a closeness I have not come close to anywhere except with my husband. I
It is not the same though. I think it might be in 20 years but right now I feel so alone.

I have to stop now because I am overcome. Xo
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: hhartnell68 on January 24, 2015, 02:09:03 PM
Hello my name is Heather. I lost my father on Christmas Day Dec 25, 2014. i was very close to him as we had bonded over the years as my mom passed away in 1992. I miss him so much!!! He had a rough go the last 6 months with bladder cance r and multiple hospilizations. I am glad he is no longer suffering but it is so weird not to have him around anymore. He has always been there for every event in my life...for 38 years!
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Janka on January 24, 2015, 04:47:07 PM
Dear Heather!

Im so sorry for your loss!I lost my father long ago because of the gullets cancer.I was with him when he died in the hospital.

Im on here because of the worst loss of my life as my beloved man Jan,the love of my life,my everything suddenly died.It happened 3 years ago but it hurts the most.Youre in the right place as we all know what youve been going through and Im here for you,too.

Hugs from Janka
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Janka on January 24, 2015, 04:51:05 PM
Dear Heather!

Im so sorry for your loss!I lost my father long ago because of the gullets cancer.I was with him when he died in the hospital.

Im on here because of the worst loss of my life as my beloved man Jan,the love of my life,my everything suddenly died.It happened 3 years ago but it hurts the most.Youre in the right place as we all know what youve been going through and Im here for you,too.

Hugs from Janka

PS:Im on the board of the Spouse and Partner Loss.You can read my post,videos and poems Ive written there for my beloved man Jan.

Hugs from Janka
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Bethb on February 02, 2015, 07:22:55 AM
Hello. My name is Beth and I am 48 years old and from Ohio. Last year I lost my father. He was living at my house and going through dementia and COPD. He was declining rapidly and we had called in hospice for help. Then.. Sundowners set in. I spent about 4 nights sleeping on the floor in his room-to keep him safe-my mom put him in a different bedroom cause SHE needed HER sleep. We ended up having to put him in inpatient hospice and then 2 weeks later he died. I got the call at work and rushed over and sat with his body for a few hours. ( mom just couldn't do it ). I don't know that this is a loss I can get over. I now have my mother living in my house who constantly says "hospice killed him" but also says " I need to find a man " it hasn't even been a year !!! My father and I were very close and my mother made his life miserable. I promised him I would care for her but I wish she had gone first. I don't know how to get over his loss and my loathing of her ! Please help - if there IS help
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on February 02, 2015, 11:12:45 AM

Hi Beth,

I'm very sorry to learn that your father has died and your pain of having to live without him. My Dad died two years ago on December 18th and being Daddy's girl I am just lost so I understand. My Dad also had Alzheimers and I cared for him in my home for 11 years. I know all about sun down and the changes they go through when the light disappears.....it's a very scary time for them.

We don't get *over* a loss, ever. We do, however learn to live without them in our lives but that takes time and the work of grief, and a whole lot of patience with ourselves because grief can't be rushed. We never stop missing them. Remember that the pain is fueled by our love for them. It is truly the price of loving.

I had a similar situation with my sister, as she was not a nurturer and if I was not around I fear that my Dad would have been placed in a home. I'm just grateful that I was here and able to care for Dad. Not everyone is able to do it, Beth. That doesn't make them a bad person it just makes them incapable of nurturing another human being.
And, as far as your Mom needing someone so soon after your Dad died....some people are afraid and lonely when their spouse dies and they marry out of fear. Fear of growing old alone. Just fear for whatever reason. They also marry out of love. But, more times than not it's fear. We can't control another person or who they choose to be with, though I understand your confusion and your pain. My Mom died back in 1977 and my Dad never remarried....in fact never looked at another woman. But, that was my Dad. We are all unique individuals. I am a lot like my Dad and never looked after my last husband died. I've had wonderful husbands and I've known great love. I'm comfortable with myself and happy and much more than that, at peace with living alone. I don't have that great need to *find* someone....my life is already complete. But, that's me. We're all different.
I know a couple that when one died the other remarried quickly and he is such a good man and remains very happy. I'll look for the post (it's a nice story) and post the link so you can read it for yourself.

It seems the relationship with you and your Mom is very strained at this time. Is there any way that you can talk in a therapeutic environment? If not, maybe a little space so you can have the time to sort things out in your mind as you're working through your grief. A year is not a long time, Beth. Be gentle with yourself...you've had a great loss.

I'm sure they'll be other members sharing with you as they have also experienced the surviving parent marrying soon afterwards and it was very difficult for them. Read through the posts on Parent Loss and you'll see that you're not alone in how you're feeling.

Welcome to Webhealing and know that someone is always here to listen, send a hug and to understand. And, when you feel up to it, tell me about your Dad. Who he was and your relationship. There's no greater way to honor them than to talk about them, or in this case, write.

Sending you lots of hugs and my love, :love9:

(((((((((Beth)))))))))

Terry
Title: Missing dad
Post by: Bethb on February 02, 2015, 04:27:59 PM
Terry that was a wonderful post. My father "got me". He understood my sense of humor and my caring attitude. My mother is just the opposite. She is a narcissist. I have also suffered the loss of an older brother, a twin brother, two sisters in laws two brother in laws and my mother in law all I the past 8 years. My fathers death being the hardest.i hope this forum can help me to heal ,
Title: Re: Missing dad
Post by: Terry on February 02, 2015, 05:31:10 PM

Terry that was a wonderful post. My father "got me". He understood my sense of humor and my caring attitude. My mother is just the opposite. She is a narcissist. I have also suffered the loss of an older brother, a twin brother, two sisters in laws two brother in laws and my mother in law all I the past 8 years. My fathers death being the hardest.i hope this forum can help me to heal ,


Hey Beth, I'm sure your Dad knew you like no one else and that bond will never be broken; it can't be by either separation nor death. And that very special part of your Dad that is etched on your soul and that has filled your heart with so much joy will forever be a part of you, the rest of your days. The memories we make after our loved ones die are very important, too. It's in the remembering that keeps them alive not only in our heart but in the heart of others.

I journal and I also write to my loved ones who have died. It helps, a lot. We get those feelings out and down on paper and it makes it concrete, real and lasting. This is your journey and it begins today. What direction it takes will be completely up to you. I came to Webhealing when my oldest and surviving son died and I've found myself again. With each loss, we lose a little of ourselves at first and it takes work to find all of those pieces again.

One day at a time and sometimes it's even one second at a time. The pain can be overwhelming especially around their special dates. When you find the time post your Dad's dates and I will post them on the calendar for you so he is always remembered. And the same applies to any other family member if you want to share about them. There are many different boards here so feel free to use them....it's what they are for.

Hugs, :love9:
Terry


Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Janka on February 02, 2015, 06:42:37 PM
Dear Beth!

Im sorry for your loss,too!Im from the board of the Spouse and Partner Loss,but as youve read here I also lost my father and was with him when he died in the hospital.After reading your post I need to reply,because as well as Terry said,there must be someone like you to understand you well.I never wrote about it here,but now its the right time to talk to.I was like my father and my mother made his life miserable,too.He has been so unhappy with her and died long ago because of the gullets cancer after 6 months of his illness.Their unfortunate marriage was the reason I had always suffered from.After my father died,my mother also found another man as a contrast of my father,that has also been about year and in consequence of that my mother has changed very much to deprive me of all the things for giving it to someone else.I was 26 y.o. and had to start again all alone.She even didnt let me know about funerals of my grandparents and other important things.Then happened the worst thing in my life as my beloved man Jan suddenly died 3 years ago.My heart is crying for him all the time.It will never stop until I meet my beloved Jan again...He is the love of my life,the greatest,only one and irreplaceable for the rest of my life...my everlasting love...my most beautiful being...my best...my everything...forever...I must be strong because of him and it will bring me to the end my beloved Jan will be waiting for...waiting for me...for me in heaven forever.

One day well be with our loved ones again.

Hugs,

Janka
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Bethb on February 03, 2015, 11:12:28 AM
Jan how hard that must be. I hope you can find support somewhere. I would love to be your support if you should need to vent.  My mother goes on about how much she loved my father and it makes me sick. Often times he would fall and she would kick him and tell him to "get up!" He would come to my house telling me he wished he was dead. He finally did die alone cause mom was at home reading a book! Too busy to go sit with him. I apologize for all the anger but it is still ver raw to me 😢-  Beth
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Janka on February 03, 2015, 12:44:30 PM
Dear Beth!

Youre on the right place to give vent to your feelings.I pray for your father and I believe hes in heaven,too.Id love to be your support as well as you.You can write me whenever you need to talk to.If you find a time,please,just read my post,videos and 25 own poems Ive been writing from the bottom of my heart for my beloved Jan forever.Theres all of my love,my joy,my grief,my pain,my desires,my dreams,my all and for me its the best way how to express myself and my love for my beloved Jan.Im thankful for your understanding and kind words,hoping to hear from you soon again.

Hugs from Janka

Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: KaunisKalma on May 02, 2015, 08:09:44 PM
I lost my mom on April 20th. I'm 25 and I basically lived with her all my life.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on May 03, 2015, 05:50:36 PM
(((((KaunisKalma)))))

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. Welcome to Webhealing and post as often as you like. Tell us about your Mom when you feel up to it.
A great loss takes so much from us so please try and take care of yourself right now. We're always here to listen and send a hug. :love9:

Love and Understanding,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: llwmh50 on May 09, 2015, 10:40:07 AM
Hey, I am new to this site or any site.  This is the first time I have reached out for my grief.  My dad passed away one year ago May 5th and at first I felt very little.  I had to be strong for mom, brothers and my own children.  Now the tears are falling. The hurt in my gut is unbearable and I just don't understand "why now"? A little history, my parents had two boys and then years later a girl.(me) They had been married for 59 years when dad passed away.  Last night was the worst.  Dad died in my arms and I wish I could have done more to help him.  So maybe its guilt.....  I just need someone to talk to.  Please help.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on May 09, 2015, 06:19:17 PM

Hey, I am new to this site or any site.  This is the first time I have reached out for my grief.  My dad passed away one year ago May 5th and at first I felt very little.  I had to be strong for mom, brothers and my own children.  Now the tears are falling. The hurt in my gut is unbearable and I just don't understand "why now"? A little history, my parents had two boys and then years later a girl.(me) They had been married for 59 years when dad passed away.  Last night was the worst.  Dad died in my arms and I wish I could have done more to help him.  So maybe its guilt.....  I just need someone to talk to.  Please help.


((((((llwmh50))))))

I'm so sorry for your great loss. My Dad, too died a little over two years ago now. I miss him every day. And always will. Their dates are very difficult and your Dad's Angel Date just passed....bless your heart.

A year isn't that long so try and be patient with yourself - your heart is still bruised. It's so difficult to say good bye and as you shared, you held it together for the others but now it's catching up to you, in a sense. I can certainly understand that.

Tell us about your Dad if you feel up to it. It helps to talk about them or in this case, write. I'm here for you. And, welcome to Webhealing. :love9:

Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Doug1222 on May 12, 2015, 08:25:02 AM
Hi, llwmh50. We're here anytime you want to talk. I lost my brother in '95 when he was 22 and my dad in 2000 when he was 57. Both were sudden accidents.

I was numb for at least ten years after my dad died. It wasn't until I came here that I was able to work through some of my grief. It nearly destroyed my life about 2011...long after they were gone. This board helped me a lot. It's still very new for you. My heart aches for you.

I have one question. Why would you feel guilty? Did you purposely cause your dad's death?

If not, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I just hate to see people waste energy on an emotion they don't even deserve. We shouldn't feel guilty unless we did something wrong.

We're here anytime. This is a great group of people.

Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on May 15, 2015, 12:26:56 PM
((((((llwmh50)))))) :love9:

Thinking of you and wondering how you're doing. Please post when you find the time.

Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: everythingafteryou on June 04, 2015, 03:57:03 PM

Hi everyone - I was so glad to come across this wonderful site! I lost my dad in 1999 when I was in my 20's. It was hard at that age because I wasn't considered a child anymore, but not quite an adult. It was a long healing process, and even so many years later some days are really hard. As a woman, getting married and having a child made me miss my dad more than ever. I will always miss my dad and wish he could be here - but I feel like I'm in a really good place now. I'm hoping at this point that I can help other people -- and young women in particular -- who have lost a parent.
I know that Mother's Day is particularly hard for people who have lost their mom. For me, I feel like I'm missing out each Father's Day. This year in the days leading up to Father's Day I've decided to write posts on my blog a couple of times each week, and hopefully reach anyone else having a hard time.

here to offer support!
Kimberly
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on June 06, 2015, 01:02:00 PM

Hi everyone - I was so glad to come across this wonderful site! I lost my dad in 1999 when I was in my 20's. It was hard at that age because I wasn't considered a child anymore, but not quite an adult. It was a long healing process, and even so many years later some days are really hard. As a woman, getting married and having a child made me miss my dad more than ever. I will always miss my dad and wish he could be here - but I feel like I'm in a really good place now. I'm hoping at this point that I can help other people -- and young women in particular -- who have lost a parent.
I know that Mother's Day is particularly hard for people who have lost their mom. For me, I feel like I'm missing out each Father's Day. This year in the days leading up to Father's Day I've decided to write posts on my blog a couple of times each week, and hopefully reach anyone else having a hard time.

here to offer support!
Kimberly

Hi Kimberly,

Welcome to Webhealing!

Keeping an online journal and blogging is an effective way to reach people. We all need support and it is a nice offer to open your heart to others. You can read the stories from the Parent Loss board and get to know some of our members. I'm sure they'll appreciate hearing from you!

Love,
Terry


Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Doug1222 on June 09, 2015, 12:10:13 PM
Hi everyone - I was so glad to come across this wonderful site! I lost my dad in 1999 when I was in my 20's.

Hi, Kimberly. I lost my dad in 2000 when I was 31. We're just about in the same spot.

I didn't really feel any grief for a VERY long time afterward. I was numb. I also lost my brother in 1995. Both of them were sudden accidents with no time to prepare. I guess it was just too much. I shut down emotionally for a long, long time. It wasn't until I came here that I finally started working through some of it.

Welcome. We're glad to have you here.

Doug
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: AlonaR94 on June 10, 2015, 07:27:19 PM
Hello all

I  am an only child and have just lost my mother, who was a single parent.  I am 21 years old.  When I got the call that she had passed I felt like my chest was collapsing.  I felt like I was dying.  My mother had been disabled for the past eleven years and dealt with many health problems which sent her to the hospital numerous times each year.  Additionally she still dealt with emotional issues from her own mother's death back in 2001 from cancer.  Our relationship was very rocky due to me having to take on so much responsibility for her care.  She did not take care of herself the way she should have and this frustrated me.  I felt like I was being more of a mother to her than she ever was for me.  I have so many emotions right now in addition to grief that I feel like I'm going crazy.  I feel like God is punishing me for something.  I think I am a decent person and I don't understand why one person has to deal with so much suffering in their lifetime.  I wanted to enjoy being 21 this summer and go out and enjoy life, but now I just feel like staying inside crying all day.  I just don't know what to do. 
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on June 11, 2015, 07:30:02 PM

Hi AlonaR94 and welcome to Webhealing.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. I was also in my twenties when my Mom died which was many years ago.

Try and take care of yourself the best you can right now as grief zaps our immune systems. It takes a lot of energy to grieve so not only our hearts but our bodies pay a price. The pain is the price of losing that precious love. If there were no love there would be no pain.

One day at a time and know we're here to listen. Post anytime about your Mom. I'd love to know about her when you feel up to sharing.

Sending hugs & love, :love9:
Terry


Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: moms1andonly29 on July 11, 2015, 09:30:50 PM
Hi I lost my mom July 3,2015. I was her and my dads only child he's still living but has never reached out to me ever in my life until my mom passed. She was a five year throat and tongue cancer survivor but she was on a feeding tube for 3 years because the radiation damaged her esophagus. So little simple things we eat like potatoes or rice would choke her and a few other health issues. She never let anything stop her she was just throwing the football with my son just two weeks ago and today she is gone. She was my best friend the only person I had in my life that I could go to for absolutely anything. We stay in the same apartment complex so her place was only a few feet from mines. It was just her my two kids and I every single day. If I wasn't at her house we were on the phone or texting. I called her every single morning I woke up and on the day she passed I called and called no answer. I thought maybe she was at her neighbors or out and about but as 11:30am came I knew something just wasn't right. I walked over to her house which I had a key first thing I noticed her door wasn't open which was very rare because she always opened her blinds and door when she woke up which was very early, because she fed herself at night and would come off her machine in mornings. I opened the door and she was on the chair were she passed. I fell on my knees beside her and was in a state of shock. I had just left her that night at 10pm my kids and I and she said I'm going to sleep on couch tonight its much better on my back lock the door behind u because I'm going to sleep. When I locked that door that was the last time I saw my mom alive .  I'm only 29 which I turned Wednesday the 8th the day I had to go view my moms body at the funeral home, and I am missing her so much. Although I'm trying to be strong for my kids I'm hurting so so so bad. I have a ache in my heart that I just cant describe to anyone. We had our favorite shows we would watch while on the phone with each other and talk about it during commercials. Since my kids have gotten out of school for the summer she would come get them everyday just to take them to playground or watch them ride there bikes. My son called her every single morning before school so they can talk to grandma before school. I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. I cant write anymore right now. One thing I've learned from this difficult week is that prayer changes things. She was such a motivator I can hear her saying to me pick your head up you got this apart of me wants to say I do and another part says I'm broken, torn, my best friend is gone my life just changed it hurt so bad. Thankful for finding this site
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on July 13, 2015, 03:55:08 AM

(((((moms1andonly29)))))

I'm sorry to learn of the recent death of your precious Mom. My Mom died suddenly at 48 years old and I was also in my twenties. I understand the great loss and in so many ways. My son was with her when she died.

Take care of yourself the best you can by resting and eating healthy foods, drinking plenty of water and try to get even more exercise. It helps. I know your kids keep you very busy already.

Welcome to Webhealing. I'm glad you found us. Post anytime. Someone is always listening and we understand the pain of loss.

With love & understanding, :love9:
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: AmyP on August 14, 2015, 10:34:51 AM
Hi All, I am new here. My name is Amy, I am 34 years old, married with no children yet and I live in Georgia. I am a homemaker and a christian.

My story all starts back to last July 2014. My stepmother was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer, and given three months to live. It was automatically stage 4 cancer. She lived two months after, passing away on September 8th, 2014. We were close, and my father was married to her for 14 years. That was just the start of what would be my year of pain, grief and hell on earth.

Just a month after this, in October 2014, my mother and best friend gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it started out stage 3. It progressively got worse, and after her being in and out of the hospital with chemo and radiation for 2 months, she finds out that it didn't do any good, and it was spreading to her lungs, and then it was "downgraded" to stage 4 and they made her a terminal cancer patient, telling her there was nothing else they could do and gave her 3 months to live. After being in hospice care for just a month after the doctors saying that, she passed away on July 30th, 2015 at home. I live in a different state from my family, they are in Virginia while I am in Georgia. I flew down there her last two weeks of life and took care of her, spend time with her, and watched her while she seemed to just fade away little by little. I was lucky to have one last conversation with her saying all we needed to say to each other. She passed away two days after our goodbye conversation. I flew home two days before she died, because I would not of been able to handle seeing her take her last breath and I needed my husband when it happened who wasn't with me at the time. We drove down for the viewing and funeral, and I feel like I was just in a daze, like I was outside of my body watching everything happen, almost like a robot. I came home with a SUV full of my mom's belonging, she left me almost everything in her will. I have all of her memories and heirlooms to pass along if I ever have children which I am thankful for.
 
Since I have been home, I seem to have days where I just can't cry at all, and other days where all I do is cry all day, and can't stop. My heart feels so heavy and full of pain, like a bowling ball is sitting on my chest. I talked to my mom every day on the phone and not being able to speak to my mother for two weeks now is pure torture. What I would give to hear her voice again, or hear her laugh. I don't know how to move on, and live on without her. I wake up each day and just seem to go through the motions because I have to. She wasn't just my mother but my best friend so I feel like I lost two people in one here.
 
I am now without a mother figure in my life and I am only 34 years old. I feel too young to be having to go through so much loss and pain. I have lost 6 uncles and an aunt also.  I don't have any children either and now I am afraid to because I don't have a mother to help me with my pregnancy and teach me how to be a mother. I am also now the only girl in my family and all I have is my dad and two brothers. We all live in different states, and my only local support is my husband, but he works 6 days a week and long hours. I don't have any friends in person because I do not drive. I don't know who to turn to. I am a christian and I do believe in God but with all of these things happening, my faith has been a bit shaken, and the questions of why God? seem to cross my lips quite a bit. I don't see the bigger picture in all of this. I know they are both in heaven, but I just want them here with me. Why take both of my mom's?
 
I don't know if I am alone in feeling like this, I hope someone understand where I am coming from. I could use someone to lean on, talk to and some support from someone who knows how I feel and what I am going through. Thank you for reading.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: FunctionalForm on September 25, 2015, 11:09:37 AM
Good afternoon, everyone.

My name is Jennifer, and I'm new member of this group; I found the forum while searching for resources for only children dealing with the recent death of a parent.

My mother passed away on September 1st, 2015 of  heart attack. She was 72. Despite several resuscitation attempts at home, she was unable to be revived. Given that she wished to be cremated, my father arrived at my office to drive me to view her body and pay final respect.

I've been able to make some progress in coming to terms with life events my mother won't see. I'm 36, unmarried--and although I told her when I was a teen that I had no desire to have children, I would have liked her to see my obtain a second master's degree, and start my own business. She likely would've been interested in whomever's going to become my husband--assuming I just don't become the "old lady with fast cars and multiple yapping dogs."  But unfortunately, I've been having difficulty in coping with basically everything else surrounding her death. This mostly stems from my feeling emotions on the complete opposite ends of every possible spectrum. I'm somewhat glad that she has moved on to a place where she won't be in so much pain (as she was bed-ridden for the final weeks), but I feel remorse that she didn't reveal exactly how much pain she was in due to not wanting me to worry.

I question my father's claim to that explanation, however, as well as a lot of other aspects of her passing, as my relationship with my father was non-existent at best...and mostly toxic at normal. My mother didn't fare much better with him than I did, and she developed several coping mechanisms to deal with his continual latent emotional abuse. While I was more adamant about their separating when her health was somewhat better, after she reached a certain age I could tell that she was no longer interested in doing so.

Which would be normal in and of itself, except that 1) she was a rape survivor (an issue which went largely unresolved and untreated for psychological and emotional healing), and 2) she was actively physically abused by my father. I used the terms active and latent in reference to my dad's abuse because when I was younger, it was more intentional (physically and emotionally) toward a desired effect...but as the years progressed the emotional became so commonplace and almost institutionalized within the relationship that I believe my mother just acclimated to it.

After years of checking in on my mother's safety, attempting to convince her to leave, offering to have her move in with me, etc., etc....part of me is legitimately happy that she is freed of the burden of my father. I do believe that they still loved each other. But I also know that she was just exhausted from it all.

It's complicated, I suppose.

Her passing has left several major lingering questions about her life, and my life, almost completely unresolved as my father is a liar whom I've caught in multiple indiscretions--from infidelity to stealing money from my mother, to covering up his interactions with her which he knew would cause me to escalate my reactions to the authorities.

So while theoretically, an only child experiencing the death of one parent would be able to find some comfort in bonding with the remaining parent? Being anywhere near my father is an immense struggle for me. I call him on a daily basis to ensure he's well enough (as while I won't forget what he's done, I can somewhat see how he's at least convinced himself that he's sorry for his past), but limit my exposure to him. As we've had several horrible arguments already regarding his inability to communicate with me on a rational basis (he was more of a wallet to me as a child than a parent, was a workaholic and a womanizer who was rarely home...and he now has almost no idea of how or what to do with me), and how we don't have mom anymore to be an intermediary. And there's the whole "I saw you beating the crap out of the woman who stayed in the marriage largely because of my existence" thing. That's not exactly the perfect backdrop for having a cup of coffee and remembering the good times with mom.

Oh, and I got into a car crash three days after mom passed. No injuries, no tickets issued, my car repairs should be done in early October.

Basically I'm experiencing every possible emotion I could have imagined I never would have experienced. And I'm going through this largely by myself. I don't want to, and I don't think it's healthy or an efficient (as much as can be expected) healing process. But whenever I attempt to explain how my mom's passing goes so far beyond a "normal" passing of a parent...I just become either dejected or exasperated at the "...are you serious?" commentary. Yes, I'm sure Quentin Tarantino has enough fodder in my family's history to create a blockbuster film...but right now I'm just trying to not fall completely apart.

On a bright note, my usual insomnia has been replaced by fitful sleep combined with absolutely horrific lucid nightmares. The sort where I have a hard time speaking after I'm awake. Usually I attempt to awaken myself from them, but figured I may as well let them play out , as it may be a part of my healing process?

It's complicated, I suppose.

Thank you for reading.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on September 28, 2015, 10:05:40 AM

Basically I'm experiencing every possible emotion I could have imagined I never would have experienced. And I'm going through this largely by myself. I don't want to, and I don't think it's healthy or an efficient (as much as can be expected) healing process. But whenever I attempt to explain how my mom's passing goes so far beyond a "normal" passing of a parent...I just become either dejected or exasperated at the "...are you serious?" commentary. Yes, I'm sure Quentin Tarantino has enough fodder in my family's history to create a blockbuster film...but right now I'm just trying to not fall completely apart.

On a bright note, my usual insomnia has been replaced by fitful sleep combined with absolutely horrific lucid nightmares. The sort where I have a hard time speaking after I'm awake. Usually I attempt to awaken myself from them, but figured I may as well let them play out , as it may be a part of my healing process?


Hi Jennifer - Welcome to Webhealing. I'm glad you found us. Thank You for sharing your story with us. I'm very sorry to learn of the recent death of your precious mother.
It's so recent and your pain still so new, so raw and dealing with the many issues that you've shared of will take time and patience. It's a process. But you don't have to carry this alone. Feel free to post whenever you're having feelings...it helps, a lot. Someone is always reading and if someone has something to offer they will respond.

Regarding your sleep concerns and also, on waking - it wouldn't hurt to have a physical to rule out anything that could be serious. Much better to find it now and deal with it than wait and have it deal with you, on *it's* terms...which is never pleasant.

Your mother certainly had her struggles in life and due to the unhealthy relationship that she endured, your grief has become magnified, which is understandable.

We're here for you.

Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: mandm on October 10, 2015, 05:46:28 PM
Hello all. My name is Ruth, and I just signed up for this forum. My mom died on Thursday (Oct. 8), and the papers her hospice social worker sent me included the suggestion to try online support groups, so here I am - - -

My story is a bit different (though I know Everyone's tale here is unique, and difficult in its own way). My mother was 94, and in pretty good health, for her age. (She came from super-healthy stock: her dad died at 100, and her mother at 99).  When my dad died in 2012, she moved to a continuing care community near my younger sister; she had an independent apartment, and led an active life. However, she saw her friends there going "downhill" as she put it; others fell and were confined to bed, relying on others to have all their needs met. My mom wanted no part of that kind of life. She had a long and good life, and decided, after much deliberation and research, that she wanted to end her life while she still had the capacity to call the shots. So, toward the end of September she stopped eating and drinking. My sister was there to take care of her (I would have been too much of a wreck to be of any help, so I stayed home and talked with one or both of them several times a day instead). A nurse took care of Mom at night, and hospice was brought in to provide pain relief as needed. The process was not totally smooth, but it "worked" and she died peacefully.

So! I'm up and down with my emotions, crying at night, in the morning, and sporadically during the day. I don't get the support I'd like from my live-in partner (he was opposed to the whole idea, but now just says I should be grateful I had her in my life as long as I did - I am, but that's not helpful for where I am emotionally). I have friends for support, and will be seeing a grief counselor, and maybe trying a group situation as well. I'm curious - though I know everyone's grief is different - what strategies people here have found helpful for dealing with the emotional roller coaster, and for getting as much help as needed.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on October 10, 2015, 07:48:38 PM
Hi Ruth - I'm very sorry to read that your precious Momma has died. Welcome to Webhealing.

As you may have noticed below where others post their stories, there are many members who are recently coping with the death of one of their parents. Feel free to post to others when you feel up to it.

I'm also sorry to hear that you're not receiving support at home though a lot do not and the reason they seek a forum such as this one. There are no judgements here and you can vent your feelings any time....someone is always reading.

I understand all about the emotional roller coaster and for some time it seems to be like that. Not only our hearts but our bodies take a beating when someone we've loved a lifetime is no longer here. Try to take care of yourself the best you can by eating healthy snacks, drinking plenty of water, resting even if you can't sleep and getting exercise. These will all help while grieving.

We're here for you.

Love,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Jamie91 on November 02, 2015, 07:50:08 PM
Hi, my name is Jamie and my dad died October 20th.
My dad had me when he was in his late 40s so I always knew that my parents were going to pass away before my friends parents did, but I always thought I would have a chance to say goodbye. He died in a house fire caused by a space heater. Despite him being 72, he was more active than me and I'm 24. His funeral happened within 3 days of death because I am a graduate student who lives across the country. I keep telling myself that it's ok for me to be back at school so soon because that is what he would want me to do. He was so proud of me and always told me that education comes first.

I feel guilty for being back, my friends and professors were shocked when I was back at work and school last Wednesday. I feel like I should be crying all the time, but I can't.

I am sad, I'm angry, I'm depressed and lonely. I love my dad sooo much. I was truly daddy's little girl.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Doug1222 on November 03, 2015, 03:03:15 PM
Hi, Jamie. I'm sorry we have to meet this way, but I just wanted to let you know you're in the right place. It's safe here.

I also lost my dad suddenly in an auto accident. I went back to work two days after the funeral. Don't worry...you're not strange. 

I'm very sorry you're going through this.
 :love9:
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on November 05, 2015, 11:23:05 AM
((((((Jamie))))))

I'm sorry for the recent loss of your precious Dad. We all grieve differently and however you are grieving is right for you. And I understand feeling sad and lonely; I was also Daddy's little girl. :love9:

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Marivdb on December 20, 2015, 06:28:51 PM
Hi.  I'm Marianne, and my Mom died Friday night after a 25 year battle with MS.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Jessica on January 20, 2016, 11:36:49 PM
Hello everyone. My name is Jessica. I am 32 years old, and I have a sister who is 34 years old. 6 months ago my mother figure died unexpectedly. It was shocking for everyone. 3 weeks after my mother figure died, my father lost his battle against cancer and he passed away. Our family has fallen apart and now my sister and I are about to lose our home that we grew up in. There have been so many responsibilities and conflicts that have been put on us as we try to settle the legal aspects of the estate that I feel neither my sister nor I have even had an opportunity to begin to truly grieve. I feel very much alone in this world. I have fear and anxiety about nearly everything now. I feel like I'm just waiting for the next tragedy to strike. I don't know what my sister or I should do in order to get back on track and begin to live a normal type life.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: dutchesJ77 on January 26, 2016, 08:35:43 AM
hello my name is Julie.  I lost my father 6/13/2015 very suddenly of an aneurysm.  As a family we were in the middle of a cross country move and my family was unable to attend his funeral with me.  My Dad was the main source of strength and support for me my entire life and I am missing him terribly.  I feel like this is getting worse instead of better.  Since he passed I have been having to travel to my childhood home (alone) quite a bit to help my mom with her next steps.  I am beginning to feel just overwhelmed.  I have two small children at home who need their mom and find my frustration, sadness and anger is being directed mainly at my husband.  Although I know it's not fair I feel like I can't help it.  It is truly becoming suffocating.  I don't have the support structures I did in our previous home and I am feeling very isolated in my grief.  My anger just seems to be getting worse and this really bothers me.  I am just so sad.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Daddysgirl16 on February 03, 2016, 09:23:36 AM
Hello, I just lost my sweet daddy two weeks ago yesterday and feel so lost and empty.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Daddysgirl16 on February 03, 2016, 10:15:26 AM
Hi Amy, I am new to this group as well.  I just lost my sweet daddy two weeks ago yesterday.  My mom passed away almost 10 years ago now.  I know how you feel about having days where you don't cry at all and other days where you just can't seem to stop the tears from falling.  I spent a lot of time with my dad the last few years, taking care of him.  I miss him dearly and feel lost and empty without him.  We were so close and he was home with me in hospice when he passed and it was hard, but he was tired of nursing homes and hospitals.  He was home for literally one week when he passed.  He went peacefully, surrounded by all his kids and grandkids.  Although he is no longer suffering, I miss him so much and would give anything to still have him here with me for me to take care of him.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: sagione on August 16, 2016, 12:32:55 AM

hi i am new to this, my mom passed 4 months ago today and i am still in total despair..i feel i will never be happy again..i,feel totally alone even though i have 2 sisters who have never even reached out to me even though i am the one who lived with and took,care of my mother...this is tihe worst thing i have ever been through, miss my mother so much and can't believe i will never see her again..i lost my father over 30 years ago it was a little easier cause i was married and younger..i am so sorry for all of you that have lost a parent and finding it hard to get through..people who have not lost a parent or have lost a parent that they were not very close to do not understand the way i am feeling..it seems no one wants to hear about it anymore or thinks i should be getting over it, and that really hurts..but i am sure that all of you understand..it feels so lonely..i am suppose to go to a support group for loss of a parent hopefully it will help in some way..i feel for u all..
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: rosee on October 24, 2016, 05:31:31 PM
Hi, I am only 20. My mum passed away nearly 3 months ago. I don't even know what to do with myself. It still feels like  dream and she will be back. She was diagnosed with a rare cancer in April of this year, I think the doctors were very vague in saying that radiotherapy and surgery would help, I think they knew something that I didn't, or I just wasn't told by my family. Anyway, she received radiotherapy, and after a couple months she came back home and had to wait a while to surgery. The first few weeks she seemed fine and was moving around a lot, however after that she had more pain. I can't really talk about it too much it makes me too upset but after 4 weeks of her being at home she passed away, the cancer had spread. There's like this ache. constantly in my chest. I can't shift it. Everyday there is something that reminds me of her. I can cope mostly, it's just the odd times I can't and I can't stop crying. I've never felt that before, the pain of actually crying or being too tired to cry. I am a student and recently I have felt no motivation to study. Most of the time I just want to sleep. Some weeks are fine and I can just push those thoughts of my mum away or cover them up maybe, but other weeks I can't. To other people I feel  like I don't express anything. I don't want to. I feel uncomfortable. Its hard to explain. All I know is that I just want my mum. There's always a question that I want to ask her and when I realise I can't, it breaks my heart over and over again.
I'm sorry for rambling, I just want to type what I was feeling at this time. I don't know what I'm expecting. Just anything.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on October 29, 2016, 02:05:04 PM

Hi Rosee,

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your precious Momma. My Momma died when I was also in my early twenties. She was 48.

Try to take care of yourself the best you can right now by eating healthy snacks, resting even if you can't sleep, drinking plenty of water and taking a walk everyday. It helps to get some fresh air in our lungs.

When we have a great loss it is a shock to our bodies as well as our hearts.

Welcome to Webhealing.

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Moana on November 20, 2016, 04:09:21 PM
Hello. I'm new to this website and then platform.  Can I get help with How to start a new topic, please?  Thank you so much for responding to my request.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on November 21, 2016, 07:38:32 AM

Hi Moana,

Welcome to Webhealing. I cannot read your introductory post as the color is too light. Please darken.

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: ken78 on December 08, 2016, 10:05:08 PM
hello im ken 38 and lost my dad
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on December 14, 2016, 04:50:07 PM

Welcome to Webhealing, Ken.

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: MRL7789 on January 19, 2017, 05:46:08 PM
Hello,

My name is Matt. Thank you for allowing me to join. It is coming up on 4 years since I lost my parents. I had to say goodbye to them at the age of 23 and just 7 weeks apart. I have really had a hard time grieving and trying to just adjust to life without them.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on January 20, 2017, 07:47:55 AM

Hi Matt,

Welcome to Webhealing.

I'm so sorry for the loss of both of your precious parents. Please share of them when you are able on the Parent Loss Board.

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Dina Marie on February 06, 2017, 09:58:25 AM
Hi, my name is Dina I am 37 years old and just lost my dad on the 23rd of January unexpectedly  at the age of 65. I am having a very difficult time as he wasn't just my dad but also my best friend and rock.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on February 06, 2017, 04:51:08 PM

(((((Dina)))))

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your precious Dad. Sure do understand as my Dad, too was my best friend and rock and I was lost, just so devastated. We all grieve differently as we're so unique so just take it a day at a time and try to take care of yourself the best you can. Eat well, rest/sleep, walk (outside of the house) and drink plenty of water. These were things I could not have gone without doing while grieving. They literally saved my life.

Do you have pets?

Tell me more about your Dad.

Sending you hugs & my love, :love9:
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Dina Marie on February 07, 2017, 10:41:22 AM
Hi Terry,
I really appreciate your message. I appreciate your sharing your story with me as well. I am doing the best I can to care for myself. Sleep and eatting however have not exactly been my friend. But I am trying.
I do have 2 pets, 2 dogs.My dad absolutely adored these 2 dogs as well he would watch his grandpups while my husband and I were out of town or if Kobi had a mobile grooming appointment they would come to his house for it if I couldn't be home. I have several photos of my little doxie curled up on grandpa's lap. He spoiled them rotten with treats and when we would pick them up after having been with him it often seemed our dogs wanted to stay with grandpa and be spoiled.
My dad loved all things living, especially animals. He himself had a dog and a cat and took to feeding some stray cats outside. Just the kind of guy he was, couldn't stand to see anything suffer or starve. He had a sense of humor that was just amazing, people say I act a lot like him, to me you couldn't give me a bigger compliment then that. He was an amazing guy who would do anything for anyone, especially me. We would spend hours I mean hours sometimes on the phone at night. And there were was very seldom a day we went without talking. He actually started texting too so that he could text me and check in on me make sure I got home okay on a bad weather night in the event that we couldn't actually talk on the phone. Sorry I feel like I am babbling, however, I could go on and on about him...sigh....
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on February 08, 2017, 08:55:43 AM

Hi Dina,

Thanks so much for sharing about your Dad and some of the wonderful memories. I feel the love from your words and know just how lucky you are and your Dad was to know such love. And, you're never babbling. In fact, just the opposite because talking about them is how we keep them alive in our hearts and in the hearts of others. There's no greater way to honor them.
Me and my Dad talked on the phone every day, too (before his illness). Sometimes for hours. I can relate to that. For a long time, a very long time after he died when something happened and I was really excited I would look for Dad to tell him. My Dad had Alzheimers and lived with me for 11 years. I cared for him until the end. And even with his disease he was still my rock and I was still his little girl. That will never change.

Would love to see a pic of your dogs. Please post them.  Through all of my losses in life I have to attribute a great deal of my healing to the unconditional love my dogs filled my heart with every day. No complications. No expectations. And, I never had to wear a mask. Just soaked in their pure love.

With just a little over two weeks since your Dad died and the shock not even beginning to wear off yet, I think you're doing an amazing job with sharing about him. These early weeks and months are very difficult. Just know that I'm here for you and am glad you found Webhealing.

Look forward to those pics. :icon_flower:

Hugs,
Terry






 
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Dina Marie on February 22, 2017, 09:53:26 AM
Hi,
No photos to share yet. :( I lost my grandfather last Monday, February 13th now. I just don't know what to even do anymore. I come to work. I appear to folks that I am okay, even to my husband I am sure I appear okay, however in the inside, however on the inside I am just so sad. I do my best to tell myself to be strong because I have to however just having an extremely difficult time. I was very close to my grandfather. he had been sick so we expected it i guess, however, doesn't necessarily make it any easier. sigh...
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on February 26, 2017, 12:04:41 PM

Oh Dina,

I'm so sorry to learn of the recent death of your Grandpop. And, I agree that regardless of whether they are sick or not, we're never, ever prepared to say good-bye to one that we love so much.

You have my heart.

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Chase#71 on November 18, 2017, 07:55:01 PM
Hello. I lost my mom about 3 weeks ago.  The grief has finally started to settle in.   My mom was in the hospital for 3 months.  Seemed like every time I turned around something was going wrong.  She passed  on Oct 27th 2017.  I am devastated.  My heart breaks for my dad.  It saddens me to think how he must feel.   I would like some ideas how to make it past the holidays and the next few months
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: JustMark on November 20, 2017, 04:00:20 PM
Hi Chase, sorry to hear about your mom and also sorry I didn't respond sooner but the last couple weeks were hectic for me and I didn't get on here that much. It could be rougher on your dad but I don't know all the specifics. I was close with my dad and he died years back and I lost my wife this last March and dealing with her loss was harder then when I dealt with loosing my father. I think it's because I had stopped with mom and dad when I was 19 and was living with Gina, my wife when she died. With my dad he was in the ICU for a few months just before he died and fully understand every time turning around going to the hospital and the touch and go. You are correct in that the holidays will be rough. To be honest all holidays and special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries is roughest the first year. I learned that from the year my dad died. IT will help you are with your dad on these days and don't be afraid to share whats on your heart when you do because you both will find help as well as comfort with each other. It also might help to change the scenery during those holidays a bit or changing how things were done so as not to dwell on the loss too much. Me and my brothers had always taken our families to mom and dad's for Christmas. The first couple of Christmases after dad died us boys each took turns and host the our usual family Christmas gathering and that did seem to help but the first one we were still shedding tears.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on November 21, 2017, 09:20:40 AM
Hello. I lost my mom about 3 weeks ago.  The grief has finally started to settle in.   My mom was in the hospital for 3 months.  Seemed like every time I turned around something was going wrong.  She passed  on Oct 27th 2017.  I am devastated.  My heart breaks for my dad.  It saddens me to think how he must feel.   I would like some ideas how to make it past the holidays and the next few months


Hi Chase,

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your precious Mom. Welcome to our Webhealing Family.

http://webhealing.com/forums/index.php?topic=7174.msg51384#msg51384 (http://webhealing.com/forums/index.php?topic=7174.msg51384#msg51384) This is a link to the Holiday posts - "The first Christmas after a death" by Susan Dunn is an excellent read and have helped many find ways to cope at this difficult time of year.
It's just you and your Dad entering the holiday season?

Do what is comfortable for you, Chase and for your Dad. Others do not walk in your shoes, they do not feel your pain. We understand here. Post as often as you are comfortable....someone is always reading and reaching out a hand.

We're here for you.

Hugs,
Terry
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Lacemaker on November 24, 2017, 06:37:47 PM
Hi Chase, Sorry to hear about your mom. Not sure I have any ideas to help with the holidays as I'm in your same boat so to speak. I lost my mom in April and this is the first holidays without her and is proving to be very difficult. The one thing I've learned is to do what is comfortable to you. and there is no right or wrong to grieving and no time schedule. As we all grieve differently. But this group is here for each other if nothing else to listen when you need to vent.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Lov3linds on December 05, 2017, 02:17:32 AM
My name is Lindsay.
My father committed suicide almost 20 years ago. I was 11.
I'm still struggling.
We don't have any support groups where I live so I am here.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: BrettJudd on December 13, 2017, 02:48:19 PM
My name is Lindsay.
My father committed suicide almost 20 years ago. I was 11.
I'm still struggling.
We don't have any support groups where I live so I am here.


I am glad that you found this forum and hope that it might help you.

The early and tragic loss of a parent can be difficult to manage, especially without supports and good help.
One thing I always coach clients to do is to is eliminate any thoughts of "I should be better, over it, etc", or "this is taking too long". 

Grief and loss are a lifelong companion we learn to manage and embrace.

Best of success and support.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Terry on December 17, 2017, 07:43:17 PM
My name is Lindsay.
My father committed suicide almost 20 years ago. I was 11.
I'm still struggling.
We don't have any support groups where I live so I am here.


((((Lindsay)))),

11 is so young to bury a parent. We are left with so many questions that we may never get the answers to. Tell us about your Dad. How have you been doing with the holidays here?

Big hugs,
Terry

Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Jaimie on October 08, 2018, 11:07:42 AM
Hi,
I'm Jaimie.  I lost both my parents in 2017, 8 months apart.  My mom in April and my dad in early December. Both deaths were unexpected as they were both relatively healthy individuals.  They never did figure out what my mom had.  Basically she got sick in the winter and died. My dad went in for a relatively "easy" heart valve surgery and was supposed to be just fine, and never actually woke up again.  I watched both parents deteriorate in the hospital over a 2 week period and was with them when they took their last breaths.  It's those images that always seem to pop into my mind as I'm trying to enjoy the good memories.  Some days I keep busy with work and coaching and life in general (I have a 14 year old). But lately I feel like I struggle more and more and can't seem to "be happy".  I have moments of happiness ( my boyfriend of 5 months is wonderful and I love him and his two kids.) but I have an overall general sense of "unhappiness".
I have taken on my parents' farm which includes 9 chickens, 1 large, needy dog, and 3 cats (5 total, 2 were mine).  I am in the process of moving from my home in a small community a block from the school I work at, into my childhood home on the farm.  It was a choice I made to do so, as I felt it was the right thing to do and I do love it out there and it made more sense to take over the animals, etc there, then to try to sell it all and get rid of my parents (and mine) beloved home.  But I second-guess myself constantly.  When my dad passed, I was engaged and in a 2+ year relationship.  He started "talking to someone" behind my back and we broke up about a week before my Mom's 1 year anniversary death.  So that was difficult as well and left me alone (with my daughter) in the country in an old farmhouse with a lot of work that needs to be done all over the place.  Every time I turn around, I feel like something is breaking down or needs to be done or I can't go anywhere like I used to because of the dog, etc, etc.  So I feel anger about it as well as I feel like everyone else got to go back to their "lives" and mine was turned upside down.  I'm surrounded by memories of my folks on a daily basis and am tasked with the job of going through their things to make room for mine. I have an older sister that lives an hour away.  She is not very helpful and seemed content to let me deal with ALL the paperwork and business end of everything since my dad passed. She has helped go through things maybe 3 times for a couple hours at a time.  But there is 50+ years of stuff to go through and unfortunately my dad was quite a pack rat. (Which I do sometimes find some humor in at the weird stuff he has saved.) 
I still have not figured out a "new normal".  I'm not sure what that is.  I'm tired of feeling like this.  Most nights I have trouble getting to sleep as I need someone to talk to and everyone else in the world is asleep.  My boyfriend (who didn't have the pleasure of getting a chance to meet my folks) has been there for me, but we don't always get to see each other due to work obligations, kids, and he lives an hour away.  So he doesn't stay by me every other week when he has his kids.  So that is also hard for me. 
As I read this, I feel like a whiny baby and that is not really who I am (most people would describe me as "upbeat, fun, strong, etc).  But I guess I just don't know where to turn.  I'm not getting better at this and feel like I am having even MORE of a difficult time than I was before.
I hope that by being on this forum and getting a chance to talk about my feelings will help me.
Thanks for listening to my "life story".
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: lewisfamily23 on October 16, 2018, 08:03:31 PM
Hi,

I'm Kristina and I just lost my best friend in the whole world, my dad.  He passed away on the 10th of this month and I honestly don't know what to do half the time.  I am being strong for my mother and I just don't know how much longer I can stay strong for her and my children.  I keep blaming myself for not seeing the signs that he wasn't doing good on that day.  I just need help or someone else that understands.  I get tired of hearing, sorry for your loss, and everything.  To me they are just words and I'm wishing they would just let me be and everything.  What even more sucks is my birthday is the end of this week and I don't even want anything besides for having my daddy back.  I am not sure how I can handle all these's firsts that is coming up.  Ugh.. sorry for rambling, but this is all I can come up with and I am hoping this online group will help me
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: mtrujil3 on October 22, 2018, 08:34:50 PM
Hi,

My name is Marissa. I am 22 years old. My mother passed away on February 21, 2018; just over 8 months ago. She was only 48 years old. She had the autoimmune disease scleroderma and it was so bad. She was in so much pain and yet she still had a smile on her face everyday. I don't know how she did it. Ever since she passed away it feels like my life isn't real. Time passes by so fast and all I do is wish she was here. I am graduating from college this year and I can't believe she's not going to be here. I know for a fact I have not fully processed her death, even though I was with her. I still think maybe, just maybe it's not real. I have been searching for support groups but I cannot find any with people who are my age or who have experienced something similar. I have a younger sister too. My parents had just hit their 25th year of marriage. The love my dad gave to her...is indescribable. I am so thankful for him. I miss her everyday more and more and I have gotten to the point where I cannot focus. I am very good at hiding the way I truly feel and I don't talk about my sadness, not even to my family. I am hoping this forum helps me. God bless you mommy. I hope heaven is treating you well...
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Justrambling on November 18, 2018, 05:48:53 PM
Hi All,
I am  Justrambling, and I am a mom to 2 adult "boys" both in their early 20's, a wife and a furbaby mom.  I work as a Special Education Paraprofessional.  I have lost several people that I was close to.  First was my father-in-law in June 2009.  We were at the house when it happened.  Next, was my dad, who I always said was my "kindred spirit", in March 2010.  I was devastated, but as a mom, I had to pick myself up and get on with life.  I grieved, and it took several years before I could get through the anniversary without crying.  Next in Feb. 2013 was my beloved boxer dog who had cancer and finally got so sick she had to be put to sleep.  In some ways, that was harder than losing my dad.  Because she was an everyday part of my life.  My dad lived on the other side of the country, so I didn't see him every day.  A year later, I had to put my sweet kitty to sleep. Then, in Jan. 2016 my brother-in-law (husbands brother) who we were very close to, died from cancer, although he was fighting cancer, we did not expect him to pass away as he did.  He was only 52 and left behind his wife and his daughter.  His daughter was completely devastated and has been in therapy ever since.  Then Sept. 2016 my cousin, who was my best friend, passed away from cancer.  Since her passing, I can't even talk about her without crying, I have been really struggling to get over her death, she was only 55yrs. old. My grandpa passed away that same weekend.  Anyway, after him, a very good friend suddenly died in her sleep in Dec. 2016.  In Oct. 2017 my sister-in-law, also only 52 (husbands sister) who was a year younger than me, suddenly passed away, she was the caretaker for my mother-in-law, so we all had to step up and take turns taking care of her, which was extremely stressful.  Then, in June 2018 I had to put my last kitty to sleep, right before I was having hip replacement surgery.  We've also had some longtime friends pass away recently as well.  I am not saying all this for sympathy, but to explain maybe that I've had so many hits that I haven't had an opportunity to process and grieve, so I feel like I'm not myself anymore.  I don't have joy, I can laugh, but it is just momentary, and lately, I've been struggling with having any sort of feelings.  When my friend passed away suddenly, I didn't even cry, not even at the memorial service, and that is TOTALLY not like me, I'm an easy crier.  Lately, I don't know if numb is the right word for how I feel, but I feel like I have one feeling....and no strong feelings one way or another for anything.  I used to be really social and loved going out and doing things with friends.  Now, I much prefer staying home.  I have anxiety attacks sometimes, I've had to call in sick some days because I was feeling overly anxious.  The thought of having to make a phone call to some office or anything makes me panic and not be able to do it.  The thought of going to a gathering of more than 2 or 3 friends, makes me DREAD even going, so therefore, I tend to turn down the invitation.  I realized last week that maybe I need grief counseling to help me process all these things.  I'm having anxiety about calling the office about getting an appointment.  I talked to my sister-in-law about it, who then told my niece that I was anxious about it.  She is so sweet, she told me that she would go with me to my appointment if I wanted her to.  So I think I may take her up on that offer, otherwise, I think I would keep putting off calling for an appointment.  Sorry for all the rambling.  There's a reason I chose my username to be Justrambling....I am hoping that this will be a good place for me to go to help me get through this, so I can be back to my regular self.     
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: libbyc019714 on December 04, 2018, 06:21:57 PM
Hi, my name is Libby and I just lost my dad on September 26th this year. He only saw me one time as a baby but him and I got back in contact in September of last year. He was my best friend and I love him and miss him so much. I was devastated when I got the call that he died. Its caused me much stress and anxiety and I wish I could have him back. Im angry at God for taking my daddy from me, and also at my mother for not letting him see me more than once, my mother passed in 2006. I have an older brother on my dads side too and my family has been having a very rough time with it. Im going into counseling to get some help too and I know this forum will also help me. God bless you, Dad. Fly High my angel... I know you are in a better place.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Rosie on December 24, 2018, 02:02:38 PM
Hello, I'm glad and very thankful that we have this service online.  I believe we live in a broken world so releasing our hurt in a healthy way is the first step towards healing.  I am new to this so thank you for being patient with me. 
Since 2013 I have a death in my family.  Most recently my Dad passed this year.  My family had a dysfunctional relationship so I don't express my emotions well.  I will find myself crying doing mundane things.  Without going into a lot of detail his passing was filled with emotional and financial hardship.  I don't have friends or people who care enough to check on me.  This Christmas is extremely difficult, my husband and I fighting a lot which reminds both of us of our dysfunctional childhood. 
I know it should be alright though.  I am thankful for the Lord, my health, prosperity.  I always try to start and end with positivity and thankfulness. 
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Lastleafgreen on January 13, 2019, 09:20:55 PM
Hi. So I've never done this before, but I know I need something. My father hasn't exactly passed yet, but he has colon cancer and came down with a C-diff infection that was only diagnosed this passed Tuesday. On Wednesday after everyone went home he had a perforated bowl and went into surgery. I remember that night he wasn't really coherent. But one of the last things he said, in response to my mom telling him that we kids were there, was that it was what he'd been waiting for. He wasn't stable enough to even close his stomach all the way until Friday morning. He's in surgical ICU on a ventilator and we were told chemo is no longer an option. So he's going to die. It's just a question of when and if he'll ever regain consciousness. He's only 65. I thought I'd have years. My mind tells me one thing but I'm just sad.

I have a million different thoughts running through my head. He was so worried about making sure our mother was taken care of. So I'm trying to be strong for her, and for my brother and sister. Some times I can remember all the wonderful things I had the chance to experience with him and be happy I had that chance. Other times I feel cheated. I didn't even know it was possible to feel physically ill with grief, but when the surgeon told us his prognosis I almost threw up and then passed out. I am not a person with a weak constitution either. It shocked me. I'd never felt anything like that.

So the long and short of it is help is help. I know that someday I will be able to remember my father with smiles and laughter. I will still wish he was here, but it will be duller. Right now I am just bouncing back and forth between the stages of grief I guess. I know this is kind of emotional internet throw up, but this seems like the place for it.

I've been talking to other people waiting on loved ones in the hospital and it's helped some. It put some things into perspective. I'm lucky. My brother, sister, mother and I have been to the hospital every day since Wednesday. I have family around me, so does my dad. Hopefully this will tighten our ties and even after the worst the rest of us will continue to function as a family even if we're missing a piece. I know my dad would want that. I just wanted to reach out somewhere. I think sometimes having people not involved but sympathetic can bring release? Relief? Just shooting in the dark. It can't hurt right?
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Karissanicole on January 29, 2019, 09:59:24 PM
Hi everyone. My name is karissa. I've never done this but I lost someone who is everything to me last week. I watched him pass. It replays in my head over and over again. I got this site from a grief reference and I don't know I thought maybe it was worth a shot for someone to talk to. Someone who maybe knows the pain
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: shw1993 on February 15, 2019, 03:13:14 PM
Hi,
I'm S, and my mom died of adenocarcinoma of the lung on January 11, 2019. She was only 64, and was diagnosed in October. I'm only 25. I'll post a more detailed account of what happened and how I'm doing, but I'm glad that this forum exists. I'm agnostic and am not comfortable attending a grief support group at a Christian church, which is essentially all that's offered where I live. Thanks.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Kendra8888 on March 20, 2019, 09:48:27 PM
Hi. My name is Kendra. My Mom passed last February a bit unexpectedly and my Dad followed 6 months later. I was with my Dad when he passed. I am the baby of four children, I was close to them both. Im 47, this has been extremely hard on me. I still struggle daily. Joining this forum in hopes of finding others that understand and can help me heal. 💙
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Kissa2003 on May 08, 2019, 02:46:03 AM
Hi my name is Karissa. I just lost my dad on 4/21/19. His death was very sudden. I have never lost a parent before. I am 33 and my entire life I have been a daddys girl I am so lost right now I dont know what to think or feel. I am having to help my mom through the grieving process also. I joined webhealing trying to find support from other people who have been through this. Right now its harder for me when I dont have something to keep me busy. I have a terrible habit of remembering mistakes and arguments that I have had with my father over the years. When I think about these things I just sit and cry.
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: MrJanuary70 on June 03, 2019, 11:10:13 AM
Hi

My name is Shawn.  I just signed up today and I've never done anything like this before.  I lost my mom on 12/30/18.  Her death was so unexpected.  She had ovarian cancer and was slated to do four weeks of chemo to shrink the tumor and if it shrank enough they would do surgery.  On 12/18 I took her for her first treatment.  Seemed to go fine, that evening she started her home dialysis and then in the middle of the night she was complaining about a severe pain in her head.  We tried everything.  We thought maybe her insulin was off so we checked it and it was crazy high we got worried and called the ambulance.  They did all kinds of test on her and they found that she had a blood clot from the port they put in for the chemo treatment.  So she had to stay in the hospital to be treated for that. So days go by and she's not getting better, stopped eating and drinking and she kept getting sick.  They said she was having reactions from the chemo treatment and it was normal.  We were hoping that she'd come home for Christmas but it didn't happen she just wasn't getting better.  I spent every night with her and my dad and sisters would stay with her during the day.  The day after Christmas they told us that the chemo treatment she had was eating away at her stomach and she has internal bleeding. They recommended hospice and to start preparing for the end.  We were all in shock. My dad and sisters were a mess.  My dad wanted her home cause she always said not to let her die in the hospital.  So I met with the hospice service and prepared everything to get her home.  She came home in the evening on 12/27.  She was talking which she didn't do much in the hospital. So that was a good sign.  My mom loved to have her nails all fancy so I arranged for the ladies where she got her nails done to come to the house and do her nails.  She loved it she stayed up and talked to the girls.  She was also excited because her older sister was flying in from Phoenix but wouldn't arrive until the 29th.  So the goal was for her to stay alive until she arrived.  The next two days she was pretty much out of it.  On the 29th everyone was at the house.  My Aunt arrived and she got to sit with mom for a few hours.  It was getting late so everyone went home except for my sisters, my brother-in-law and my oldest nephew. My dad and nephew were sitting on both sides of her and around 10 pm I looked over at her and I couldn't see her chest moving.  I went over to her and I put my hand over her heart and I felt a very slight beat and then nothing.  I looked at my dad and said she's gone.  I relive that moment in my head over and over.  I think when her heart stopped something in me died along with her.  So now I'm trying to figure out how to get over it or at least try to not to be so sad all the time.  I put on a good face when I'm around others but when I'm alone I'm a mess. 
Title: Re: Introductions
Post by: Dancingspirit on June 08, 2019, 10:20:36 PM
Hi, I just signed up here. I just lost my mom 8 days ago. My mom had been sick since the end of December 2018, with pneumonia. She went to the dr several times, each time with no diagnosis. She was living with my sister at the time, and my mom had gotten worse, so my sister took her to the ER. There my mom was finally given the diagnosis of pneumonia, almost a month later. She was also on the verge of being septic and had a uti, too. After a few weeks, my mom was put into a nursing home. She wouldnt eat or drink and kept getting weaker. She went back into the hospital, then a board and care and back into the hospital. Where she was once again diagnosed with pneumonia and a uti. She passed away in the hospital with my sister at her side. I had the chance to go see my mom, but after the last picture my sister sent me, I didnt feel like I could see her. I now regret that decision. I had the money to fly to where my mom was. I just didnt think that I could do it. I had posted on my family page about my moms passing, and I got the most horrible ugly email from my older sister. I havent been the same since. Just typing this in, Im starting to break down. Her email hurt worse than my moms passing.
My dad passed away in Sept 2016, 3 days after my birthday. No one kept me updated on him. I never knew when he was in the hospital. I happened to call on the 16th, and my mom said that he had just come home from the hospital and that hospice had just left. My mom gave my dad the phone so that I could talk to him. I was able to tell him that I loved him, and that if he was to see the light or someone came to get him, to please go. My dad had cancer and I miss him so much. My dad was cremated and my mom had a memorial service for him. I never knew when it was, as I was not invited. My sister said that was my moms doing. I felt so hurt by that. Now I find out by looking at the mortuary web site, that my moms service says private.
My younger sister said that she was thinking around what would have been my moms birthday in October. I dont know what to do. I dont have anyway of getting a hold of my younger sister. I sent her a text to my moms phone, but I dont know if she has turned it off or not. Im to afraid to call and find out that it has been turned off. I feel so alone right now, like an empty shell. Ive not gotten much comfort from my husband. I have no one to talk too. I just dont know what to do. I have no friends either. I hope that someone can reach out to me, and help me.
My relationship with my sisters has not been good. My younger sister texted me on my moms phone and kept me updated and we made some choices on things after my mom passed.