Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Rebecca on August 27, 2010, 04:56:46 AM

Title: emotionally paralyzed
Post by: Rebecca on August 27, 2010, 04:56:46 AM
that's how I feel or don't feel.  I am on meds but I think they stopped working or even worse,working backwards.  i have an appt with psych. 9/10.  I just feel like everyone is after me, I made a mistake and it blows up, I just want to get through the next couple of years so why do I care about anything at work?  Why can't I just shrug it off my back.  I use to, and would say after what I went through with losing Jason, nothing will bother me. but it does, I can't wait to go to the dr. before something serious happens.  I am a mess and sometimes am scared because I either feel too much or feel nothing at all.
My husband does not understand.  I don't know who else to talk to without it being repeated, I don't want to discuss with my daughter who is preg.  I just want to hole up in room.
Rebecca Jason's Mom
Title: Re: emotionally paralyzed
Post by: falcon on August 27, 2010, 07:37:16 AM
Rebecca, I am so sorry you are feeling this way,been my feelings for 3 LONG yrs.Wish i could share something to help you.Every day is a new day, I do think your grandbaby will really help your felings, thats what keeps me going.Hope you have lil softer days ahead.Thinking of you , sending you love & peace.Hugs Sandy Shanes Mom
Title: Re: emotionally paralyzed
Post by: Debh on August 27, 2010, 03:46:26 PM
Hi Rebecca,

I am sorry your going through hard times. I hope you find answers and get relief from seeing a Physc. Losing a child can do so many things to us that we don't understand.

Take care of you is the most important thing you could do right now. I was fortunate to get some help with a Physc years ago, part of the healing I received was change of meds. Please let us know if you go and how your feeling.

I wish we could meet in Chicago and talk, I don't know when I will make it there right now. If you want you could also email me, I am a good listener today.

I am hoping for better days ahead for you

Love Deb

Title: Re: emotionally paralyzed
Post by: Ramona on August 27, 2010, 08:06:07 PM

Actually after losing my Tim, I can shrug off the small things but I no longer just go along with just anything.  Things do bother me.  I just have learned to stand up when it really matter to me and to let the rest go.   We have to pay more attention to our emotions in the healing process of grief.  As I have learned there was no escaping the feelings, they would come up one way or another so the back and forth you described is part of the process.  We just can't feel it all at once so it comes and goes, on and off.  No one else can understand or us except those who have lost a child and have been brave enough to face the truth of it all.  The good, the bad and the ugliness of it all.  (The good is the Love we have for our dear children, a forever love!!) And I finally stopped looking for anyone else to understand out there in the world that has not walked this path.  So glad when I reached that milestone.

I am so sorry that you are struggling and if you feel you are at a bad place, could you get an appointment sooner than waiting until September?  It could be your meds as you said and you should try to find out.  I hope you can be gentle with yourself and see you are doing the best you can.   And find ways to self care more.  And don't be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes in life.  Work can be such an additional pain.  And I hope you can find someone to talk with, but this is what this board was created for and it helped me so very much, just putting down those words when I was at my lowest.   You are not alone, so many here do care.

Love to you, Ramona Tim's Mom
Title: Re: emotionally paralyzed
Post by: LaVonne on August 30, 2010, 06:51:01 PM
Rebecca: I hope the DR can help. Sometimes meds do this. It can be very scary and hope you can get back to a better place in your life. Your grandchild will make your life a lot different. I look forward to being with mine. They are 10 now and we have a lot of fun. We all need to laugh once in a while. I wish I was closer to visit amd listen. I too listen well. Don't always have the answers but I do listen.  sending hugs  LaVonne