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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Main => Topic started by: poppy on April 24, 2010, 03:23:57 PM

Title: Missing you
Post by: poppy on April 24, 2010, 03:23:57 PM
Hello Everyone,

I lost my husband, Greg on April 8th 2010. He died of a massive heart attack while out walking with our daughter and friends. He had, had a heart attack in December but was doing everything the doctors asked but evidently God had a different plan. I thought we would have more time and he would be able to enjoy his retirement. It is the little things that seem to get to me. Today I was trying to water and probably gave as much water as the hose. I thought I could handle things but now I am not so sure. I am returning to work on Monday and I don't know how things are going to go. Please, any suggestions.
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on April 24, 2010, 04:19:05 PM
Hello Poppy,
I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your husband...I lost my darling wife and partner of 33 years just 43 days ago...I have not been coping well and just do not want to be around people...especially groups...occasionally I talk to 1 or 2 select people...not many of my friends can handle my extreme grief...only two can...I am trying to stay busy...working many hours in my wife's garden...talking to her...crying...asking for her help...I am just not making it...people have asked me to do many things but I keep refusing...I have had to tell several not to stop over unannounced...many of my friends are concerned that I am not handling my situation well...my mind feels numb...I still do not want to accept her loss as final...I had to tell some of my friends to email me and let me know in advance if they want to come over...so many people will say that it is " normal " to feel this way or that way...as far as I am concerned there is no normality...we are all individuals...just let yourself feel the way you want...that will be what is normal for " you ". I have always been a people person and very outgoing but that all has changed...everyone is different and will react and handle their grief differently...judging from how I feel now it may be few more months before I "may " want to be with people or groups of people...there is no timetable but for you to go back to work after 18  days seems so soon but that is  based on the way I have been feeling... again that is me...I guess there is no real way to get away from the horrible and emotional situation that we are all in here...I just try to take it an hour at a time...I miss my wife so much and it is so very lonely in the house...nights are bad and the worst part of the whole day is turning the last light off when I get into bed...I hope that all goes well for you at work...it helps me a little to come to this site and just write anything down...there are so many understanding people here who are all going through extremely bad emotional situations...I wish you well and hope that you come to a time when you have some peace and comfort...again I am so sorry for your loss...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on April 24, 2010, 05:06:26 PM
Dear Leo,

It seems to be getting harder at this point rather than easier. I have 2 of my kids still at home and that helps but hurts as well. I can't seem to keep anything straight. I wish I could make everything okay for them.

Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on April 24, 2010, 05:58:00 PM
Hello again Poppy,
 I hope that I did not offend you or seem too forward by saying that 18 days seemed so soon to go back to work...I apologize if I did...as I indicated that was how I feel in my mind...in a way it may keep your mind occupied with other thoughts...the way I am handling my situation I am always knee deep in grief...I do not know...that may not be good for me...it definitely will not be easy...I focus on 1 hour at a time...keep trying for yourself and your children...it has gotten harder for me everyday...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on April 24, 2010, 08:27:34 PM
Leo,

No offense taken. I completely agree that it seems to be getting harder. I am not sure I am ready to go back to work either but I am a teacher and I have to get back to my kids. The kids know what happened and that is going to make it that much harder. I am going to just take one step at a time.

I have my older son coming tomorrow and bringing grandchildren. Hopefully that will help some.

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on April 25, 2010, 05:12:34 AM
Hello Poppy,
Just wanted to say hello and see if you are doing OK today...I think it is way too early for anything to start improving after your tragic loss but you have your children...it will not be easy for any of the people here to recover, if ever...hopefully there will be some kind of peace down the road...I know that my wife would not be happy with the way I am now...shortly I am going out to work in her garden and wait for her...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: littleha on April 25, 2010, 07:17:08 AM
Hi Poppy, I went back to work about 5 weeks after Cathy died and I think it was one of my worst days. Like you, the people around me knew what happened, for you your students and for me my customers. Looking back I find it amusing how different people confront someone else s  pain. A lot of them came up to me to offer sympathies while others chose to ignore it as if it will go away. I decided that 5wks was right for me and if you feel now is the time for you to go back to work I am sure you should be able to do it. I also know other people who went back to work only to leave for a few more weeks. You will know on those first few days if you made the right decision. You  think highly of your "kids" as you put it and I am sure they will be compassionate and caring toward you. They are lucky to have a teacher who cares so much as most teachers do care.
Take care
Allan
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on April 25, 2010, 09:24:27 PM
Thank you all for your input. I am nervous about going back to work but know that it is never going to be easy to return. I am blessed with a wonderful staff and great students. I will let you know tomorrow night how it went. Hopefully I will not cry toooo much.

Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on April 26, 2010, 02:56:02 AM
Good morning Poppy,
Just to wish you good luck on your first day back to work...hope that all goes well for you...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on April 26, 2010, 08:17:48 PM
Hi All,

I made it through my first day back. It was more difficult with the kids than with the adults. The kids are sweet and told me I could keep my husband in my heart. That made me cry. Most of the time I was so busy that I didn't have time to think. I did cry all the way home though. I am hoping that it gets easier.

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: browneyedgirl on April 27, 2010, 11:18:06 AM
(((Poppy)))
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on April 28, 2010, 06:49:44 AM
Hello Poppy,
Just to say hi and I hope that school is going well for you...I would guess that the children keep you and your mind occupied and busy...when these tragedies strike us we have no choice but to move forward...I still am having a most difficult time  after losing my dear wife 47 days ago but I am keeping busier...night time is the worst for me...darkness...silence...alone...turning the last light out before getting into bed...it is good you have your two children to be there with you...hope that you are doing OK...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on April 28, 2010, 07:59:45 PM
Hi,

I am very blessed to have children still at home. Grandchildren that keep me busy. Work that is a challenge. I have friends that call and make me do things so I don't get to wrapped up in my sadness. I don't feel like anything will ever really be normal again. I agree that coming home, doing all of the home things and going to bed are the worst.

Thank you for listening, Louise
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on May 01, 2010, 11:36:11 PM
Made it through the first week. I know I have to keep going but each day seems like a marathon. I am really having a hard time doing the every day things. I am so used to having Greg to do them with and I don't like doing them on my own. Even going to friend's houses without him makes me so sad. I wonder if life will ever be normal again.

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 02, 2010, 12:23:39 PM
Hello Poppy,
I do not think that our lives will ever be normal again...we here on this site have been thrust into a totally different direction with no hope of returning to what we all loved and cherished...I still can't accept it...there is no replacement of such a loved one that was such a very integral part of our lives...we are left to anguish and wonder what might have been...I think that your returning to work when you did should help you...it sounds as if you keep very busy and it distracts your mind a little...I guess it is not good to look too far down our roads...at this point for me mine looks too stark and lonely...keep trying...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on May 05, 2010, 07:37:29 PM
Hey Leo,

Work is helping. It keeps me engaged and through each day. You are right about it being hard to look to the future. All of the things my future held are no more. I will have to look for a different path and see where it leads. What things do you like to do? I am finding that I need to do things but everything I used to do was with Greg. Can you relate to this?

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 06, 2010, 06:29:34 AM
Hello Poppy,
Good hearing from you...I am glad that you are keeping busy...it distracts our minds just enough to help a little...I like to work in my dear wife's garden...it makes me feel close to her...it has been keeping me very busy...a lot of upkeep...like you and Greg, my wife and I did everything together...so now there is nothing to look forward to doing...I definitely can relate to what you are saying...we liked all of the same things...for me just being with her all the time was the greatest reward that I ever wanted...now as you say we will have to travel different paths and see where they lead us...it is good that you have your work to keep you occupied...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on May 06, 2010, 07:30:36 PM
Four Thursdays ago my sweet Greg went for a walk on the pier and he never came home. I made a fool of myself today when the assistant superintendent of elementary education tried to offer me condolences. I just told her no and didn't even hear her kind words. I am sure she is thinking I am an idiot. I was just having trouble keeping it together and if I had acknowledged her I would have really lost it in the middle of our meeting. I guess I better not be looking for a promotion any time soon.

How can he be gone? How is it possible that I will never hold his hand or hear his voice ever again?

Crying again and don't think it will ever stop.

Got to go, Poppy 
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 06, 2010, 07:49:21 PM
Hello Poppy,
Try not to fault yourself...I know how you feel...I tend to turn people off and do not want to hear mostly because so many have said the wrong thing...they are friends and I do not believe the things are said intentionally...they really do not know what to say...they do not know how I feel...I too get so sad when I think I will never hold my dear wife's hand, go for walks or doing anything...so difficult to accept Poppy...there is really no where to go...it is a horrible existence...try not to be too hard on yourself...wishing you a better tomorrow...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on May 06, 2010, 08:08:54 PM
Thanks Leo!! Just talked to my brother who was best friends with my Greg. He is also having a terrible time dealing with this. He is throwing himself into solving all of my financial problems. Tonight though, nothing seems to make either of us feel any better.
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on May 07, 2010, 10:49:41 PM
Every day I go on it seems there are ups and downs. Today was a good day. No real issues with crying and able to function. I have been talking to lots of people today and that seems to help also. I wrote out some of the things I was feeling as I was sitting in a lecture today and that seemed to give me some insight.

Thanks for listening, Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 08, 2010, 04:08:17 AM
Hello Poppy,
I am happy that you experienced a better day...I too like to write things down otherwise all the days seem to mesh into one another...and in a month or two I can go back and review things if need be...I am sure the ups and downs will continue for a long time for all of us...how we are able to handle things will determine where we go...you have your children who I am sure need you and are overwhelmed by the changes in your lives...hope that you experience many more good days...we have to keep trying...wishing well to all here and some peace of mind...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 22, 2010, 08:43:11 PM
Hello Poppy,
It has been a while and I was just wondering if you were well...I would think that the young children in school must be keeping you very busy...wishing you well and hope that your days have improved...I guess school will be ending soon...
Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 26, 2010, 04:15:00 AM
Hello Poppy,

I was thinking of you and do hope that you are OK...I would guess that the children and school are keeping you busy...
I am existing but that is all I can say...I am so numb and filled with pain that I wonder why I continue to exist...each day is the same...nothing of too much value except working in my dear wife's garden...also working with an art framer to get some enlargements framed from photos of her...I do not know if it is good or bad as there are several and everywhere I turn she is there...they do a technique that makes the regular photo turn out as if it is on canvas...they look very nice...it occupies my mind and I do miss her  and love her so very much...I  am just so sad...I can not believe that she is gone...
Wanted to say hello to you...take care...

Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: Luvinmike on May 26, 2010, 01:23:48 PM
Poppy, leo and others-
I am sorry and thinking of each of you as the days roll into summer. It has been just past two years since my handsome, funny, kind and loving husband died unexpectedly and shattered my family.
I have since been through a fourteen month stint as a temp in a company that I now have a permanent part time position. I do not get benefits, not health anyways. I am done with all the worrying, I just do the best I can.
I am glad to report that I have some peaceful times now. I will never "recover or heal" from this, I will always want my husband back. I was so scared of this at first, but now I am learning to live with this fact.
My grief is worst when I get angry about not being able to talk to my husband one last time. I just wish for the past.

After the first year ( I only remember crying, and insomnia etc. but apparently I did go to work and pay the bills) the second year brought more mental clarity- which in my opinion made it hard in a different way. Now I was not so numb, and I do still feel that sadness. I am sad for this thought I have,  that the best part of my life is already over- and how can this be?
Slooowwwllly, I am finding things that interest me (in my case a new job) and being interested is the opposite of numb. So it helps a little bit. Being active also, .
Thinking of you, sending strength your way,
Terri
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: leo on May 26, 2010, 07:07:15 PM
Hello Terri,
Thank you so much for sharing with us...it is very kind of you...I am so sorry for the loss of your husband...it seems that we have all been facing such difficult times...
You sound as if you have progressed a long way in two years and it seems as if the permanent temp position is to your liking...I wish you the best in the position and in life...I too know now that I will never recover or heal from the beautiful relationship that I had with such a wonderful, kind, beautiful and loving woman...we did so very well together...I never imagined that life could be so cruel...but it is a fact...I had almost 33 years that were beyond whatever I could have expected and for that I am forever grateful...
Thank you again for the insight although I must confess that sometimes I want everything to end...

Leo
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on June 08, 2010, 07:08:00 PM
Hello All,

Thank you for continuing to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Today is 2 months since Greg has been gone. School is almost over and I am for the first time in my life not looking forward to summer vacation. All I see is endless, lonely days.

I have been very blessed to have many friends who continue to keep in touch and my children and grandchildren who bring joy to our house. Every day is filled with memories but I must keep moving or I get caught up in the remembering and not the living.

Greg was the love of my life and I can only keep going knowing he is looking down, keeping us safe and loving us still.

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on June 08, 2010, 07:16:46 PM
Hi
   the 6th was 2 months since my love left, I know how you feel, I also am blessed with good friends, and family and grandchildren, this is the reason we have to try to hang on, sometimes it is so hard for me, I feel like I won't be able to do it, then I do it, so I know that he is beside me giving me strength to go on.
 God bless
Karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on June 12, 2010, 10:17:34 PM
The past few days have been incredibly hard for me. I am not sure why because nothing is that very different. It is the little things and the alone times that seem to creep up on me. I am currently ending the school year and moving schools after 18 years so maybe that has something to do with it. I just want to be able to share these things with him and he's not here. Will it ever be easier. Thanks for listening
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: jaxsaint on June 14, 2010, 03:36:58 PM
I understand how you feel about the school year ending.  Not having Joe to talk to and hear from. . .I'm lost and alone. . .it doesn't even feel like I'm alive (except for the pain).
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on June 14, 2010, 08:05:16 PM
We are not really alive, we are just existing from one day to the next, they all blend together, sorry for everyone's pain
Take care, Karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on June 15, 2010, 05:27:36 PM
3 more days and my life changes one more time. I am taking my daughter to work at a camp and will be truly living alone for the first time in 27 years. I keep thinking that when I come back somehow Greg will be here.
I know that it isn't possible but love the dream.

Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on June 15, 2010, 08:08:12 PM
Hi Poppy,
     I am sorry that you are so anxious about your daughter leaving for camp, I know it is very scary to be alone, I haven't been alone ever until now, I went from my mom to my husband and kids, then back to just us, my whole life, this is the first time that I am alone,  It will be a big change for you, but you will slowly get used to it, maybe you can call her, or she can call you a few times a day in the beginning,  It is not easy,
Take care
Karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: lovedhim on June 18, 2010, 08:50:24 PM
Poppy --

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.  I, too, am alone after 25 years of marriage, and I find each day to be a challenge.  Someone told me to live hour by hour, and then another told me 15 minutes at a time.  I draw on these words often, and I have found on this site very sympathetic souls who understand my feelings .


Thinking of you and wishing you a bit of peace tonight.
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on June 20, 2010, 08:57:26 PM
Hi Poppy
    How r u doing?, hope all is o k,  I had my son and his wife and my grandkids all day today, so we got through Fathers Day, I am really tired now, my grandkids knock me out. 
Take care
Karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on July 06, 2010, 05:53:51 PM
Hello All,

We just celebrated the 4th of July Greg style. All of the family that could came over for swimming, barbecue and fireworks. It was hard but good. We even found a firework that Greg had bought last year and used it as our grand finale. Today, everyone has gone home and I am going to spend my first of many very long alone nights. I too am trying to find ways to keep myself busy because if I have too much down time I just think of what might have been. Thursday will be 3 months and I feel like I have been so alone even with everyone around. I know that this sounds babyish but I don't like staying by myself in the night. I scare myself. Greg used to laugh and hold me a little tighter.

Thank you all for you supportive thoughts and prayers. It is going to be a long summer.

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on July 10, 2010, 01:20:47 PM
Hey,

I have made it through 3 days of sleeping by myself in this big house. The dogs and cats have been keeping me company. I never realized how much chatter living with someone else brought to a house. Now all I have is silence. My sister-in-law said to leave the TV going but I don't want just noise. I am trying to go to the gym, walk the dogs and keep busy. I just feel so unsettled. I am reading a book that is helpful but like everyone here has said we must go on our own personal journey through this dark place. I wish I was hopeful for a light  but right now am not.

Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on July 10, 2010, 09:35:53 PM
Hi Poppy
    You will get used to is, I do the same thing, my dogs are my saviours in the house, at least when I open the door there is some life in the house. I also go to the gym and yoga, only to let out some nervousness. but it helps. I go on the computer at night, and read, but I do leave the t v on for backround noise, or else it is too quiet for me.  We are all in the same boat, I guess eventually we will get used to this different life. Like you said we don't have much of a choice.
Good night
Karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on July 14, 2010, 01:48:34 PM
It is Wednesday, July 14 and the last few days have been just awful. I have been crying, yelling and in general feeling sorry for myself. I have also started eating like there is no tomorrow and that has to stop. I already struggle to lose weight and letting it go will make this even worse. I know that there are stages to grieving but I don't seem to be able to move past the terrible pain of just missing Greg. I want him to be here and I don't want to do this alone. NO choice though. I am going to stop crying now and go to the gym. I don't want to but am forcing myself. I miss him so much.
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on July 22, 2010, 05:09:53 PM
July 22 and still struggling to make sense of life. I have many, many bouts of crying. I don't want to do this alone. I keep living with the hope that he is coming back though I know this is not reality. I am so sad.
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on July 22, 2010, 07:33:02 PM
Oh Poppy,
    I know what you are talking about, the other night at 3;30 in the morning i heard johnny calling my name, work right up out of a dead sleep, I just don;t know what to say.
God Bless
Hugs
Karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: jaxsaint on July 22, 2010, 08:22:28 PM
Tomorrow is 4 mos for me and I still feel the same way.  I even went away to get a reprieve, but I cam home half expecting to see him when I walked in.  I hope you have a better day.
Jackie
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on July 24, 2010, 11:06:52 PM
Every morning when I wake up I expect him to be holding me and am so sad when he is not there. I tried to call his cell phone so I could hear his voice but his mailbox is full and I don't know his password. I have to believe that God sees a bigger picture than I do and that somehow there is a reason for all of this.

Thanks Everyone, Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on July 25, 2010, 04:33:18 PM
Hi
   I called his cell phone numerous times, and then we recorded his voice message, what good will it do, I don't know, the other night at 3;30 I heard him calling me, woke me right up out of a dead sleep. It was his voice, I know that it was him, also tonight when we went to dinner, some friends and I, all of a sudden our song came on in the restaurant, just can't believe it.
take care,
hugs
karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on July 27, 2010, 11:03:47 PM
It's been a few days and I am doing a bit better. I finally went back to my holistic chiropractor and got adjusted and some healing juices to help me. I slept better last night. I have too much time on my hands and just keep wanting Greg to be here. I have to work on keeping myself busy. Tomorrow friends from school are bringing their children over to swim so that will be a distraction for one more day. I hope that each of you is finding some peace in each day. Poppy
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: closs86 on July 28, 2010, 06:26:27 PM
Hi Poppy,
    Happy to hear you feel a little better now, that is how this horrible thing is you go up and down, you never know when or what will trigger it.  try to recouperate when you are on the up.
     The kids will be a distraction, I know it is hard to find things to do, I don't know where to go or what to do, sometimes, I feel like i have no direction in life without him
Take care
karen
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on August 08, 2010, 04:14:52 PM
It is August 8, 2010 unbelievably it has been 4 months since my Greg died. 4 months of missing his touch, his voice, his humor, his love. This summer has been incredibly hard because I don't work and my kids have been away since the middle of June. I have kind of gotten into a rhythm of being alone but in that I have also been trying to deal with Greg truly being gone and not coming back. I don't really see the point in doing most things without him. I just kind of go through the motions. I have cried a lot this summer, more than I thought possible. I am sorry to be rambling. I just wish I could tell him how much I love him and how much I miss him.
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: laurenE on August 09, 2010, 10:02:08 AM
Poppy,

Thinking of you in this time of need.  Please continue to post here and let us know how you are doing

lauren
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: tahari01 on August 19, 2010, 03:13:21 PM
I cannot imagine how it feels to lose a lifemate, a soulmate.  I do, however, know how it feels to lose a parent you're close to.  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I miss my mom so very much, and it's only been 19 days for me.  I only hope with time, that the pain lessens a bit.  I can't imagine how it will though for me.

Love to you,
Lillian
Title: Re: Missing you
Post by: poppy on October 19, 2010, 09:46:55 PM
Poppy here,

Yesterday was my wonderful husband's birthday. I miss him terribly and it doesn't seem possible that he is never coming home. My kids have been a wonderful support and spending time with my grandkids is a fantastic distraction. It has been 6 months and honestly I think it is finally sinking in that Greg will never hold me, help me and share my every day with me. I look out at the backyard that he reveled in and took such good care of and miss him even more. I have started a new job and that is taking a lot of time but the space is still very empty.

I love you Greg!!!

Thanks for listening.