Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Rebecca on February 11, 2010, 05:37:25 AM

Title: Yesterday - Thank u
Post by: Rebecca on February 11, 2010, 05:37:25 AM
Thank u for all your support, and my thoughts are with those who share this same week with us.  I was quiet at work and a co-worker for talks about her sons, non-stop asked me if anything was wrong.   I was so quiet.  Yes, I thought, I can't stand all of your bull shit, your power, etc., and to top it off... today is the day that they say Jason died, so each minute I think, while I am talking to you, could it have been the time that his heart stopped, 5 years ago.  But I said.  No... thanks... and walked into my office and closed the door.  The sad part is I could not cry.  I was really more dead than feeling so I could not cry.  I will be leaving tomorrow and spend the weekend with my husband on Sat. which is the date we found him so maybe we can cry together.  I cry for Jason, I cry for our relationship, what should I do.  He is so good and kind to me.  I am so miserable and I will be the same way alone or if I find someone else.  It is not him, he is who he has been for the last 40 years. I have changed and I don't like it but it is the way it is.  Maybe, I should just put myself into an assisted living... I am only 62 but I would have it all done and I could just stay in my room and be alone...stupid thinking as I need my insurance.  Time to go, real life and thinking happens because I have to go to work.  Again Thanks for writing.

Rebecca Jason's Mom
Title: Re: Yesterday - Thank u
Post by: Dena on February 11, 2010, 11:52:35 AM

No thanks are needed.  This board is always here.  This time has been so hard on you. I would wait to make any drastic life-changing decisions until things have calmed a bit for you.  Keep posting here & talking - we are here to listen and be supportive.

Dena, Josh's Mom