Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on September 13, 2009, 04:17:28 PM

Title: I wonder....
Post by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on September 13, 2009, 04:17:28 PM
To my brothers & sisters-in-grief,
Not only do I count each month that Adam is not with us along with the annual anniversary date I also have a very difficult time with the date of his funeral.
Does anyone do this as well?
XO Paula
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: MelissaCharliesMom on September 13, 2009, 07:45:31 PM
Yes. Charlie died on June 26, 2004 and was buried on June 30. Sad thing is our wedding anniversary is on July 30 and on July 30 2004 it was our 10th wedding anniversary. I HATE the 26 and 30th of every single month.
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Terry on September 14, 2009, 07:16:50 AM
Same here, Paula. The 12th of every month just hurts so bad. Two weeks before Thanksgiving Jeff came home. It was also Dad's birthday. I have to drive by the funeral home to get to my office and I still cover my face. I can't even look over. And, I started feeling November...weeks ago.

Like I shared with Brenda, I would like to spend the next 4 months in a cave. I have one on reserve if anyone wants to join me. :-[

Much love to you,
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on September 14, 2009, 08:15:28 PM
OK Terry, sign me up for the cave too!
XO Paula
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Bensmom on September 15, 2009, 04:53:47 PM
I'm in line for the cave too! Ben died on Christmas Day and was laid to rest on New Year's Eve. This year I think I'm going away by my self, leaving the day after Christmas and coming back on the 30th. My youngest son Trey, has major issues with the holidays and even though he's 25, he wants his mom nearby.
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Terry on September 15, 2009, 07:40:37 PM
You're on the list Paula. So are you, Penny. It would be nice to have a place to go this time of the year, and at one time there was something in the works but for some reason (probably the obvious, geography) it never panned out.

Truth be told, there's a part of Christmas that I've always loved and still do, I just can't deny that. But, every year it's different. Every single year. Is it for anyone else?

Last year my sister caused me grief. She wants her sister back the way she used to be, but that's not going to happen. And, I don't believe she's ever really come to terms, accepted Jeff's death. Oh now and then she'll open up to me about how she feels or sometimes she'll call crying and can't talk at all. But, the rest of the time, she tries to pretend nothing's changed and I think it's her defense mechanism. Denial. And, it REALLY gets to me. It's SO hard to talk to her sometimes because she avoids talking about him and I just feel like screaming. Doesn't she know how hard it is for me to live with this pain, day in and day out? I just don't know WHEN she's going to break down and share how much pain she's in...if ever.

I don't know too much about anything anymore. I'm just so tired and my heart is worn out. And I didn't intend to sound discouraging here, for anyone reading this...I've just been trying to pull myself back up and out of a hurtful place, and I know there's so much more to come. But, I've been to many places, scary places and have been knocked down and even when everyone thought 'this-time' she's not going to get back up...I always do. Even with the pain, as bad as it gets at times, there is something that is in me, all around me, it's a peaceful feeling and it's filled with love and it always assures me that I will be alright.

Never give up HOPE.

My love to you all and your beautiful children,
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: jsdaa on September 15, 2009, 08:55:32 PM

I really would like to be in that cave with all of you.  This Christmas, I am so dreading.  Actually, my husband and I are leaving town for 2 weeks.  I know I cannot be here during that time.  Everyone is being very understanding which is kind of surprising.

I understand how frustrating it is......even my own parents seem to avoid talking about my Sarah.  There are so many people that I can't handle talking too.  I think I mentioned to you in a message, that my world has become very small.  I know that I will never be the person that I was and I guess most people just can't accept that.

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through.  You give so much love and support to everyone here.  For what it's worth, I want to be here for you, as well.  It's hard for me at this early stage but honestly, if we don't have each other, who do we have that truly "gets it"?

Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Terry on September 16, 2009, 09:54:04 AM
Thanks ((((( Jamie ))))), and, I think it's good that the two of you are going away. Especially the first year...I  would have loved to do the same.

I understand when you say your world is getting small, yes, friends leave or should I say, those who we used to 'call' friends and others well, they just seem so very far away.

Thinking of you today, and always thinking of "Sarah"!
Sending big hugs,
My love,
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on September 17, 2009, 01:54:43 PM
Terry, I'm feeling the weather change and yes I'll take the cave with you. It goes on for so long, the days leading up the days weeks after, it's all the time but I'm extra tired drained and would just like to be invisible Sept and Oct , well then Nov and Dec... ok it's all the time but Oct 7th when Taylor died I just ache all over and I'm so tired. I have to swallow a lot of lumps in my throat when I'm putting on my happy face, tired of doing it too... not saying I don't have happy times with my daughter and grandaughters but , you know, we're just different now. :(   Love, Brenda
I probably didn't say anything about what you posted but you're always so open and it's easy to reply, I just type whatever comes out... Sending you my love, Brenda
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Terry on September 17, 2009, 06:18:23 PM
The weather change, yes, it has no mercy this year. There is such a stillness in the air and in the air about every situation, like something is coming but I can't say what it is....it's just a feeling.

I understand being tired of putting on the happy-face. This time of the year I am very busy and have to meet with many clients and everyone is so excited about the holiday's. I knew it was coming, I just never seem to be prepared.

I'm sorry, Brenda. I know this time of the year is so hard for you too, especially with Taylor's Angel date coming up so soon. :-[ What a baby doll he is. Just breaks my heart. There are times when I have to change my settings so I do not see our children's pictures. It's just so heartbreaking.

Sending you the biggest hug ((((((( Brenda )))))))
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on September 18, 2009, 07:41:23 PM
((((( Terry))))))
Title: Re: I wonder....
Post by: Dena on September 19, 2009, 04:48:18 AM
Hi Paula,

I still count both dates. Josh died on 8/7. His funeral was on Tuesday, 8/10. I am thinking of you & your wonderful Adam today.

Dena, Josh's Mom