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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Sibling Loss => Topic started by: Gail08 on August 08, 2009, 02:41:50 PM
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Is there anyone who has been able to accept the loss of their sibling? If not fully at least have started to? If so, could you please tell me how you did it because right now I just have no idea how to start to accept the loss. The pain is just so overwhelming and I am really confused and scared. I really need some help.
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You will one day find life calling you back and you will move forward... with that said there is no date... no certain amount of time... one day you wake up and realize that it has begun.
My brother has been gone for 13 years... I miss him daily. The pain is not that raw, cut to the core, pull your heart out grief... it is soft, it brings smiles and laughter, so many good memories yet there are times it brings a bucket of tears. Those tears are just much fewer and far between.
You have to learn to embrace the grief, to let it come and to ride the waves of it... its a journey, not a short trip but a marathon. The day will come when it will be easier to walk with.
Hold on tight and remember we are here walking beside you,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister
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Very well said JeanneB.
My sister has been gone not quite 4 months, and some days I feel like I "have it all together", and other days I can picture her lying in her hospital bed and suffering so much, and me just holding her hand and crying. I can picture it like it was yesterday.
I wonder if I can ever really "accept" her death. Does that mean then, that I am "over it"? And what do I say when a new acquaintance asks me how many siblings I have? Do I say the total of 6, or do I say I just have 5 now? She is still my sister, and still a part of my family. I don't want to forget her!
Peace and friendship to you both.....
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I don't think that I will ever accept it. Ever. I miss Tony very much. It eases, but acceptance, not yet.....coming up on 4 months.
JeanneB put it well.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself as much time as you need. Greiving is a very indivdual process.
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What I should have added was I hate the word "acceptance". I just don't feel it is the right word but I understand the use of it for lack of a better word.
While my brother has been gone 13 years and my youngest son 6 years, I've learned to accommodate this into my life. I still answer when asked with the same number of siblings that I started this world with just as I do the same when asked about my kids. I just tell people for instance that I have 3 children... if that conversation then leads further I will finally say how my 2 oldest are doing and that I now have grandkids and then I will just say my youngest son is in heaven. Some people will ask further and that is ok with me... I'd rather they ask then not and I tell them it is ok because I just love to talk about him. This then helps them not to be uncomfortable.
For me, it did not feel right to say I only had 2 children when I have 3... one just doesn't happen to be where you can see him... I do the same for my siblings.
Even after all this time has passed, I can still be put right back to the moment in time where I got that horrible call that my brother was gone and then that horrible call that I needed to come quick cause my son had been in an accident. My brother and son were both killed from injuries due to auto accidents. My son was on life support for a couple of days so I understand how those memories can haunt us.
I realize this might not be what people like to hear but this is my experience.... the first year was shock and going through all the firsts.... the second year was where reality come into play and realizing that this was real... this is it, neither were coming back. For some this time frame has been shorter but this is what it was for me.
I highly recommend grief counseling... I now facilitate a grief support group at my church and we use a program called "griefshare". They have their own website and you can find a group in your area by putting in your zip code. Those that have attended the group have helped me as much as I hope I have helped them.
Just know I care and I walk this journey beside you,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister