Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Donna B. on July 11, 2009, 03:46:27 PM

Title: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Donna B. on July 11, 2009, 03:46:27 PM
Never thought I would be posting on the child loss board, but here I am. I have been posting on the main board as my husband died in 2007, now on June the 24th I lost my 38 year old daughter suddenly. She went into cardiac arrest and was declared brain dead on the 23rd and died on the 24th. My heart is broken and I have so much anger and pain inside. The if onlys are driving me crazy. I really have no one to talk to. No one understands how I  feel. I joined this website last year as my husband died of cancer and I made a lot of friends. I know everyone here is hurting. I just want to know does it ever end. I feel like I am just going quietly crazy. I hope everyone here finds some kind of peace. I just hope I get there. Will I ever?? Thanks it helps to get the feelings out.. Donna
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on July 11, 2009, 04:18:34 PM
You will, in a different way. There are the good days, laughter again, joy, and there are the dark days that still come. It's been almost 5 years since I've seen or heard my son Taylor. Do I think of him everyday, yes. Do I miss him as much as at first, yes, maybe more. You will find your way, and we are here for you.
I'm so deeply sorry about your daughter and your husband.
God bless you
Love, Brenda
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Rebecca on July 11, 2009, 05:48:35 PM
I believe that you are experiencing two completely types of grief.  I think losing a child is the worst of the worst.  I have not lost my husband, but I know that we are getting up there and losing our son was the worst thing that could have ever happened.  We are approaching our 5 year mark in Feb and it seems impossible. Jason at 31 had a heart attack... We found out later that he had very small, blocked arteries and he was gone in a split second.  There was nothing we could have done, even if we were in the room.  Thinking of you with your double pain.
Rebecca Jason's Mom
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: laurenE on July 11, 2009, 05:51:10 PM
DonnaB,  I am so so sorry.   Its so hard to understand why you had to lose your husband and your daughter,  all in a matter of 2 yrs.  What a tragedy.  

I'm glad you are talking to us here.  I hope we can all offer you comfort. I hope there is a grief support group in your community as well.  Two major losses in such a short time is huge and you need all the support you can gather around you for these next few yrs.

Know that I am thinking of you and sending you comfort, prayers, and hugs

Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT) on July 11, 2009, 05:58:30 PM
  i'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. my niece(candi-23) was killed may 13,2005. so i've been here for 4 yrs. i don't cry everyday anymore but i think about her all the time.... the pain is still there & i don't know if that will ever go away...
 i miss everything about CANDI..... 
just remember we're all here for you.

sending you hug's,
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Dena on July 11, 2009, 07:18:03 PM

I am so very sorry about your precious daughter & your husband.  In time, you will come to a softer place, but it takes time and a lot of grief work.  It will be 10 years on 8/7 since I last heard Josh's laughter & saw his smile.  The "if onlys" are very much still there at times. 

I hope you will post more about your daughter when you want to.  There is so much support & love on this site.

Dena, Josh's Mom
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Brenda(Jessica's Mom) on July 11, 2009, 09:00:29 PM
Donna I am so sorry about your daughter, and husband. Like someone else already said, this new grief is different than the older grief, and although I dont think "it will end" as you asked, but it will get easier to handle as time goes on. I think I can speak for all of us on this board that a hole is in our hearts, and we all have to learn how to live with that hole somehow. Glad you found our board, yes it REALLY helps to talk to other  parents like us. Keep posting and tell us more about your wonderful daughter when you are ready.  Love, Brenda
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: charlesafather on July 12, 2009, 04:33:06 AM
 this road is long,without the help of this board and some profesional help I dont know how i would have survive. I know your pain is unbearable so please talk with your Dr. and try to stay busy.

                           my thoughts and prayers
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on July 12, 2009, 05:26:40 AM
Donna-My condolences to you on the loss of your spouse and daughter. Please tell us about them. I wish for you today is peaceful loving memories of the two of them that ease the raw edges of sorrow. Paula
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Donna B. on July 12, 2009, 05:53:30 AM
Thanks to all of you for your responses, I am so sorry we have to be here. I am glad though for this site. It has helped me so much. My husbands name was Jerry. We were married 38 yrs. My daughters name was Jerri, she was named after him. She was 38 yrs old. Jerry was ill for a year(cancer) so even though it hurt so bad I was a little prepared. Not to let him go, but I knew it was going to happen. Jerri was gone in a flash, which I guess I am still in shock and just cannot believe she is gone. But someone once told me they are still here in my heart and always will be. I'm hanging on to life now maybe by just a thread, but I am hanging in there. Thanks again to all of you, what a great bunch of people. I wish I could give each and everyone of you a hug.  I am also so very sorry for each and everyone of your losses. Donna
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Dottie (Tammie's Mom) on July 12, 2009, 05:58:35 AM
So sorry for your losses.

There is nothing worse than to lose a child. The pain gets different but it is always with us.

Dottie Tammie's Mom
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: jsdaa on July 12, 2009, 07:10:57 AM

I am so very sorry for your losses.  I lost my 28yr old daughter, 12/25/08, so I am still in the early stages of grieving.  She would have turned 29, June 25th.  She was found in cardiac arrest by her boyfriend on Dec. 9th and spent sixteen days in the hospital as they tried everything to save her.  The pain of losing her is horrific and I have been in some dark places since.  Just know, that you have people here that completely understand what you are going through.  This board has been my place to come and even when you don't have the strength to post, just read.  

Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: georgiapeaches on July 12, 2009, 08:46:53 AM
I just found your post, I would never pretend to understand the pain a parent feels loosing a child, so I would not say I know how you feel, but like I told you last night, I am so so sorry. So sorry for all your pain, you are such a wonderful woman, a wonderful friend to me, and anything you need , you know I am always here for you.

Love, georgia.
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Jeanneb on July 12, 2009, 10:56:54 AM

I am so very sorry for your losses... your husband and now your precious daughter... just seems life is so darn unfair.

One day life will start to call you back... it will never be what is was but the pain will soften.  It doesn't go away, it just becomes different.

As you are able please share your daughter with us.

Baby steps and deep breaths,
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: tsoley on July 12, 2009, 05:44:24 PM
I am very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Hold on tight, take deep breaths, and take care of you.
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: MelissaCharliesMom on July 12, 2009, 07:40:25 PM
I am so very, very sorry for your losses. I have little to offer at this point. It was 5 years on June 26...it gets different, but never easier never better. This place and the people here have quite literally saved me from myself on more than one occassion. Sending strength and peace.
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: jillsmom on July 13, 2009, 06:33:02 PM
Donna, it is truly unbelievable that you have suffered the loss of your daughter. And not to have your husband by your side to understand and go through it with you, so hard. I also lost my daughter in an unexpected death, and I believe it makes it much harder to accept that it is real. It just feels like a nightmare that we haven't woken from yet. My daughter Jill was 21 when she died in her sleep (cause so far unknown) this past February. I don't know if I will ever believe it. I really rely on this board with other parents who know how it feels to have your life ripped apart. My heart goes out to you,
Kay Jill's mom
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Barbara on July 13, 2009, 07:09:25 PM
Donna I am so sorry for your losses. My heart breaks for all of us. Some days are better than others. I find that I function and right now that is my best. My son was 22 when he was killed a year ago. I understand about the anger. I am angry at so many for so much. And there are days I still find it quite hard to comprehend. And I understand about the "quietly going crazy" feeling that you describe. I don't have any deep words of wisdom, but as you already know this is a place of comfort and understanding.
          Healing Hugs,,,,,,Barbara (Patrick's mom)
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: browneyedgirl on July 14, 2009, 09:23:01 AM
Donna ~ I am so sorry for your losses.  I can't imagine what you must be going though.  I lost my brother in March.  I don't know what I would do if I lost anyone else close to me.

Again, so very very sorry.
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Terry on July 14, 2009, 08:29:11 PM
Oh my, what can I say except I understand the indescribable pain of child loss. You've lost your precious Jerri and still struggling with the great loss of your husband, Jerry. I am just so, so sorry. My heart cries every time I hear that someone else has to live with this pain, a pain that I don't believe ever ends, no, never, just becomes different and all of us in our own way and in our own time, learn to live 'with' the pain instead of allowing it to define who we are. And, we are broken hearted. We have lived through/with the 'unthinkable' and the "unimaginable' pain of child loss.

You will, in your own time, find your way, Donna. Just please take one day at a time or what I did for the longest time...one minute at a time. Be patient with yourself and rest as much as you can. Not only your heart, but your body has suffered a traumatic shock and though right now it's hard to imagine a light anywhere in your future, the darkness 'does' lift and a light 'will' shine, even though it's life is brief as is it's intensity.

We are always here for you and we understand. You don't travel this journey alone. You are never alone, Donna.

Sending you a BIG HUG and lots of love....((((((((((((Donna))))))))))))

Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Donna B. on July 15, 2009, 05:18:00 AM
To all of you here that have lost your child and have taken the time to post and give me such support and Love(I can feel it) I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel the pain from all of you. I just wish I had some words for you that could comfort each and everyone of you. I am just starting down this lonely, heartbreaking road of losing my sweet, wonderful, beautiful daughter. I thought I would never get over Jerry's death, but as someone said this is a completely different kind of pain. I found a candle the hospital gave me after Jerri died and I would like to share the saying that was written on it. It is simply a plain white candle with this note tucked inside.

If your sorrow can be lessened
in some warm and special way,
By knowing that so many share
in your loss with you today.

And, if it brings you comfort
when others show they care,
Please know that thoughts are with you,
and remember they are there.

I send this to all of you and thank you so much for all your support! Donna
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: LaVonne on July 25, 2009, 06:03:30 AM
I am so sorry for your loss of your husband Jerry and daughter Jerri.  Know I care and sending cyber hugs. So much grief in such a short time. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. hugs LaVonne
Title: Re: My beautiful daughter is gone
Post by: Marianne on July 27, 2009, 10:19:07 PM
Dear Donna,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Please know that you are not alone.  Allow yourself to grieve how ever you feel.  You have had a long, hard road.  I wish there was a magical phrase that I could type to make you feel better.  I am sending you love and support.