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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Main => Topic started by: rocheshelt on May 02, 2009, 09:06:28 AM

Title: 11 days
Post by: rocheshelt on May 02, 2009, 09:06:28 AM
It has been 11 days since I lost my husband suddenly. I did not sleep well last night, all I could think about is him. A little about my husband, he was only 32 and a very generous man, he lived and breathe his family anywhere my husband went he had our 3 kids with him. He was always the life of the party and always had incouraging words for everybody. He always put others first. 2 years ago he had to go on dialysis and is health was declining everyday. Noone on the outside knew he was very sick because he was always on the go. I thought because he was so young that he would beat his illness and we would spend the rest of our lives together not just 8 years. I miss him so much that it is unbearable. I watched my husband die right in front of my eyes. I tried to do CPR and that did not help. The paramedic said that by him being on dialysis and all of the other illnessess he had along with the dialysis that just took a toll ,on his body and he could not handle it. Our children also witnessed him passing on ages 10,7,3. They are doing ok. I think they are doing better than me we talk about him all the time and I get teary eyed and they would come over and tell me it will be ok. My husband had me spoiled he did everything. I only had to go to work and he did it all for the children from dentist appointment, school conferences, Dr. Appt to spending time with them just because how will I ever fill his shoes? I am so greatful that he did get a chance to spend as much time with them that he did because he taught them alot more than I us give him credit for. I only wish that I could have done more on the morning of his passing to give him more time on this earth with his family that he loved so much.

Please keep my family in your prayers,
Rochella
Title: Re: 11 days
Post by: laurenE on May 02, 2009, 10:42:55 AM
Rochella,

I certainly will keep you and your kids in my prayers.  I am so sorry for your loss.   
Kids grieve differently than adults.  They can not put into words what they are feeling but will instead go play or draw or color. 

 I encourage you to look for a grief group for you and your children when you can.  Also please ask people to help you around the house and with errands, child care,  etc. until you get into a routine.  That is alot to ask of you right now so please do reach out to others for help.   No one expects you to do it all.

And of course,  come here anytime to talk about your grief and frustrations.  There are many here who have losts spouses. 

I am glad you found us,  but sorry you had a reason to find us.

lauren
Title: Re: 11 days
Post by: carrieset on May 02, 2009, 08:56:58 PM
Rochella:

I am sorry you had to join us here, but glad you have found us.  There are many caring and loving people that will help you through this horrible journey.

You're husband sounded like a very wonderful man.  You will miss him deeply and painfully.  As I was told when I first came here, you need to drink alot of fluids, try to eat.  If you can't, drink Ensure, gatorade, crackers.  I lived that way for 2 months without eating solid food.  So the advice was very helpful.

Lauren has excellent advice for you and your kids.  If you can't sleep at night, go to your dr. and let him know what has happened.  I did not want to, but ended up on anti-depressants and anxiety meds.  Some people don't have to do that, but others do and it is not something to feel ashamed of.  Also ask your dr. re sleep aids, if needed. 

Do find a grief group soon, though.  I'm sorry your kids had to witness their father's passing.  They would likely benefit from some support/counseling.

This is really raw and a very open wound for you right now.  Ask people to help you with whatever you need to have help with.  Kids, meals, cleaning, etc.

And come here anytime you need to cry, rant, rave, moan................  we all have done it.  And it is a tremendous help.

You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers Rochella.

Hugs and love to you,

Carrie
Title: Re: 11 days
Post by: georgiapeaches on May 03, 2009, 05:21:02 PM
dear Rochella,
I'm so sorry to here about your husband. He sounds like he was a wonderful husband and father. You are so early in your grief, try to get lots of rest, this will take all of your energy. I lost my husband last year . We are all here to help you and are glad you came here to this site. My prayers are with you.

Georgia.
Title: Re: 11 days
Post by: kevinjj on May 04, 2009, 04:48:22 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss, Rochella. The intial shock of their death leaves us just numb and pretty much dysfunctional but know that all you are feeling and will be feeling is totally normal and a part of grief. There is nothing wrong with you and the struggle to contain the extreme emotions will be exhausting so take good care of yourself, make yourself eat as healthy as you can. I found a lot of support and comfort with a grief group, being with others in person going through what I was going through. It is a real struggle, the hardest thing you will ever do for the rest of your life. Coming here was very helpful too and I still stop by after 15 months since my wife died. My thoughts are with you knowing what you are going through and it will take a few months to level off a bit. We are with you all the way.