Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: rita-grammy on April 29, 2009, 02:37:44 PM

Title: Avoiding talking
Post by: rita-grammy on April 29, 2009, 02:37:44 PM
why is it that no one wants to talk about our child once they are gone? I just read Vickic's post and it could have been written by me...its only been nine months but, everyone and I mean family can't hardly speak her name. The other day just for no real reason I was sitting at the dining room table and started crying ...my husband told me I had to have faith ...and as bad as it sounds ...I told him what faith? tell me what faith do you have Becca's still gone? he tried to tell me but, his voice caught and he could'nt speak he just turned away....he's the only one I can talk to everyone else ...they think ok nine months get over it already....it seems to me everyone seems to think because she is gone she never was...why does the world seem to go on ...when mine stopped July 22nd 2008?

Title: Re: Avoiding talking
Post by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on April 29, 2009, 03:36:52 PM
I guess it's painful to talk about the loss. I need to hear people talk about him, maybe it makes others in my family uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Avoiding talking
Post by: tsoley on April 29, 2009, 06:29:27 PM
I think that people might be afraid that they will hurt you and make you cry. I know when I cry when a friend or family member talks about Jordan, and they tell me they are sorry, that they didn't mean to make me cry, I always tell them, "no it's not you that made me cry. I am so happy to just hear his name, listen to someone talk about him. Please talk about him." Many people are uncomfortable with tears.
Title: Re: Avoiding talking
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on April 30, 2009, 07:00:14 PM
Yes Tammy I agree, most people are uncomfortable with tears and Rita I will say her name out loud right now
We love you Rita
Title: Re: Avoiding talking
Post by: Rebecca on May 01, 2009, 03:52:21 AM
Yes, it is four years and almost three months and if I don't include Jason in the conversation, he is not there.  I make a point to mention him all the time.  Jason said this about dogs... Jason went there... but u r right... there is only one couple who will mention his name.  I think people are afraid... afraid that saying his name will remind me of the terrible time... well, guess what folks, I remember every day and your mentioning it doesn't change the fact.   Some day I will have the nerve to ask some of our friends.
Rebecca Jason's Mom
Title: Re: Avoiding talking
Post by: Karen Paul on May 01, 2009, 06:36:08 AM
Rita - I'm so sorry - it does seem like people do this and I just do not understand it.... they probably think it is less painful to avoid the mention of her name, little do they realize it causes more pain.. and how do we let people know that yes, speaking of our loves may bring tears on occasion, but also healing in knowing he or she is remembered in other hearts - and it also may bring some smiles too, a shared memory of some happy time spent together..

I have tried to always talk about Chris with my brother and Amy - they need to talk about him and hear his name, they need to hear themselves called mom and dad - especially since he was their only child - and I need to hear their stories of him too, things I did not know about - I love those stories...

I hope you can find a small group of people that you can share your sweet Becca with - you can always share her here, but I know sometimes face to face is needed.

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt