Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Recommended Grief Books => Topic started by: sevenofwands on January 28, 2009, 01:54:38 PM

Title: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on January 28, 2009, 01:54:38 PM
I found this and perhaps it might be of help to those of you who need support in the form of a counsellor, in the midst of your grief and related problems.  The suggestions here might be helpful particularly for those who would find paying for therapy an excessive financial burden:

Here goes:

Affordable Mental Health Care: How to find free or reduced-fee treatment in your area
Jan 14, 2009 11:52AM - 5 comments

Affordable Mental Health Care: How to find free or reduced-fee treatment in your area

The following is a guide to finding affordable psychological and psychiatric services in your area. Many people call or write me asking how they can find treatment if they do not have insurance or can not pay their deductibles. It is extremely frustrating to need help and not be able to afford it, even if you have insurance. It is sad that many insurance companies do not cover psychological and psychiatric services to the extent that all of their subscribers can access care. Unfortunately, many psychologists can no longer afford to participate with insurance companies or Medicaid/Medicare. The reasons for this include low reimbursement rates, frequency of denied payment for services, and the burden of insurance related paperwork. While the situation is problematic, there is no reason to assume that you can not get the care you need.

On the bright side, if you can take the time and energy to search, you have a good chance of finding someone who can help. First, here are some terms to be familiar with:

Sliding Fee Scale—this means that the clinician will adjust the price of services in accordance with your ability to pay
Community Mental Health Center—a public, non-profit agency that provides mental health treatment
Pro Bono Services—Free services offered to those in need. The ethical code of the American Psychological Association encourages psychologists to do pro-bono work, and most do some form of uncompensated service.

Do not be shy about asking clinicians if they can accommodate your financial situation. If they can not, they should be able to refer you to someone who can provide you less expensive treatment that would meet your needs. You may also find that a psychologist will agree to conduct a short-term, focused treatment on a specific problem. Ask if you can come every other week or monthly. Ask if there is a payment plan. Some psychologists are willing to provide therapy over the phone or through the computer if your work schedule makes it difficult to attend sessions.

Here are some ideas for where you can find free and affordable mental health care:

1. Call your general practitioner. Your physician should have a list of places he or she is comfortable sending you.
2. Contact an advocacy group’s local chapter. Organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?section=your_local_NAMI, Alcoholics Anonymous (http://www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_finder.cfm?origpage=29), or the Association of Retarded Citizens (ARC) in your area will be able to help find treatment for specific needs. Advocacy groups typically maintain lists of local community therapists and respite care providers.
3. Contact your local hospital. Hospitals take insurance, including medical assistance. Call the Behavioral Health or Outpatient Psychology/Psychiatry department. Teaching hospitals (those that train student psychologists and psychiatrists) may be particularly good sources of less expensive care.
4. For urgent matters, try a crisis hotline. Even if you are not in immediate danger of harming yourself, they can still help. The people who answer the phone will have lists of places you can go where you can be seen as quickly as possible, even if you can not pay.
5. Ask your child’s school guidance counselor or school psychologist. Part of that person’s job is to refer students and families to local mental health care services.
6. Contact your local division of social services. You can often find this through your county’s website, or through private social service organizations such as Jewish Social Services (jssa.org).
7. Private ‘find a therapist’ websites such as www.therapists.psychologytoday.com/ will let you search for providers who are willing to offer sliding scale or pro bono care.
8. Local colleges and universities often maintain clinics that provide care to the general public. These clinics can be contacted through the departments of Psychology, Counseling, or Social Work. For example, if you went to the George Washington University Center for Professional Psychology website, you would find a link to the Center Clinic (http://www.gwu.edu/~cclinic/PsydCenterClinicContactUs.html). The Center Clinic is an example of a training clinic staffed by doctoral students who are supervised by licensed psychologists.
9. If you are a member of a religious community, clergy members can often refer you to pastoral counseling or other mental health care providers who have a spiritual orientation to treatment.
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on February 08, 2009, 08:31:34 AM
I think this is rather good.


""The truth is that psychotherapy is complex and challenges both the psychotherapist and the client to work outside their comfort zone. Change and progress takes effort, and that sometimes means not always being entirely truthful with a professional. But it also means challenging ourselves to try, even when it doesn’t feel natural or easy.""

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on February 11, 2009, 05:12:19 PM
by Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.

""The present is where adversities and challenges – faced head on – teach us strength and mastery. It’s where we discover that we can be subjected to pain and suffering, and yet endure, even thrive. It’s where persistence and intelligent decision-making become the norm and where problems are solved, learning takes place and memory is enhanced. It’s where we can have sensory experiences of a thousand kinds. It’s where we have the power to promote physical and mental well-being, even when the body and mind have been plagued by illness. It’s where we engender hope and aspire to fulfill dreams for the future.
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on February 12, 2009, 08:21:34 AM

      “Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”

      “We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.”
 Charles R. Swindoll quotes (American Writer and Clergyman, b.1934)
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on February 22, 2009, 02:12:25 PM
Why me, Why this, why now?
by Robin Norwood.

A reader says:

"I have been asking the questions this book trys to answer all my life. I found the answers challanging all my beliefs but I could not put the book down. I recommend this book for anyone that finds life unfair and is in search of answers to what life is all about. "

"She touches on any number of personal crises that almost anyone can identify with and introduces some very thought-provoking theories of her own. A small book, densely packed with wisdom and sane perspective."
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 06, 2009, 07:10:05 AM


"Widows and widowers considering remarriage may face conflicting emotions. Finding love again and remarrying after you've lost a spouse can give you a whole new lease on life. You should celebrate this new step and know that you deserve to be happy, but tread lightly in a few areas that may be sensitive.

When true love is discovered by a widow or widower, there are frequently family members, such as children or in-laws, or even friends who may raise objections. They may feel it's a betrayal of your lost spouse, that it's too soon to be remarrying wisely or that your new love doesn't compare well to the spouse you've lost. ""

And, some food for thought, or even a smile!


Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 10, 2009, 07:23:22 AM

"However, emotional stress does not arise from a sudden shock.  It can also arise from a total emotional strain that adds up to an overwhelming strain that prevents a person from thinking about anything other than the problems that seem to have no solution.  Then, as the stress mounts, the mind is left in its own cocoon of stress that can only call attention to itself, cutting the person off from the world outside.  Thus, emotional stress can lead to detachment, and inability to concentrate, fatigue, and even memory problems.

""Unfortunately, emotional stress also increases moodiness, which can often make things worse.  In fact, those attacks of emotional excess can turn emotional excess up to unbearable levels, leading to further attacks.  Then, as these bouts of emotional stress keep adding up, it all becomes too much and the sufferer is left almost completely lost and alone in their own cycle of emotion that hammers incessantly at the brain.

In order to deal with emotional stress, the person who suffers from it needs to take a break from everything that is creating all the emotions.  For instance, going on a vacation can be an excellent diversion, as it provides the brain with new inputs that are not charged with associations.  By leaving the so-called "scene of the crime" the person who suffers from emotional stress will be able to remove some of the emotional stress by removing its triggers.  Then, hopefully, the loop will be broken, allowing the person to start fresh.""

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 19, 2009, 05:05:35 AM
Overcoming Loss and Bereavement

""Bad sleep and dysfunctional dreaming are at the heart of how the brain manufactures depression feelings – including those that arise and persist following a bereavement or other great loss.

In this download you will learn of the three factors which are maintaining your depression. You will be able to identify the importance of each of these as contributing to the depression which is persisting and perhaps even deepening since your loss. And there is advice and tools and therapy to help you heal and move on.""

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 21, 2009, 03:27:09 PM
This is, IMO, a very worthwhile read.

How Fear of Ourselves Entraps Us



"Dependence on others when it is the outgrowth of fear of ourselves, becomes a dysfunctional dependence that stunts our growth, strips us of our power, and puts us at the mercy of others. It feeds the cycle of dysfunction that is the necessary ingredient for living in a pattern of violence and abuse. Whatever the appeal of women as naive, innocent, helpless children as an expression of female vulnerability, the price is costly, even at times to the point of being life-threatening. Interdependence and the healthy give-and-take of taking turns leaning on one another and even at times being protected by each other, is a wonderful ingredient of intimate relationships. It brings the stature of intimacy and integrity. Dependence based on fear of ourselves brings violation and oppression. It never yields intimacy, and it needs to be feared.""

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 26, 2009, 06:49:35 AM
Waking the Tiger : Healing Trauma : The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences (Paperback)
by Peter A. Levine (Author),

"Every life contains difficulties we are not prepared for. Read, learn, and be prepared for life and healing."
- Bernard S. Siegal, M.D.,

""The book explains why humans are often frozen in trauma, unlike animals who daily cope with the unpredictability of nature and man. For humans, as is true for animals, the potential for trauma exists from birth through death, with at least one major difference - that humans have a harder time releasing trauma and many carry it all of their lives, which causes major interference with health, peace of mind and the ability to live joyfully and creatively. "
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 27, 2009, 03:27:09 PM
Anger seems to be such an integral part of the grieving process, intensely so.  I thought it would be interesting to read this.


""In fact, sudden bursts of anger or prolonged anger are bad for you. A strong emotion that is accompanied by arousal of the nervous system, anger produces effects throughout the body. It eats away at your cardiovascular system, your gut and hijacks nervous system, often obliterating the capacity for clear thinking. And it may even grow in intensity.

But express it—and you're not necessarily better off.
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 28, 2009, 04:58:06 PM
"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

""Ekhart Tolle's message is simple: living in the now is the truest path to happiness and enlightenment. And while this message may not seem stunningly original or fresh, Tolle's clear writing, supportive voice, and enthusiasm make this an excellent manual for anyone who's ever wondered what exactly "living in the now" means. Foremost, Tolle is a world-class teacher, able to explain complicated concepts in concrete language. More importantly, within a chapter of reading this book, readers are already holding the world in a different container--more conscious of how thoughts and emotions get in the way of their ability to live in genuine peace and happiness.""
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on April 02, 2009, 04:20:12 PM


 Flower Essences to Help Us Cope and Heal From Grief
by Teresa Wagner

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on April 12, 2009, 04:56:45 AM
Escaping Toxic Guilt: Five Proven Steps to Free Yourself from Guilt for Good! (Paperback)
by Susan Carrell (Author)
Your life's journey shouldn't be a guilt trip

Do you feel responsible for everyone around you? Do you value the feelings of others more than your own? Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself? Then you may be trapped by toxic guilt.

Trying to win the approval of others--whether they are your parents, spouse, colleagues, friends, children, or church--while being trapped by toxic guilt can strain your relationships, drain your energy, and dominate your life. The five easy-to-follow steps in Escaping Toxic Guilt can liberate you from these self-defeating patterns and put you on the path to living life fully, joyfully, and on your own terms.

. .
By following this simple, effective plan, you will be able to:

. .
Recognize the difference between good guilt and toxic guilt.
Build boundaries around your time and emotions.
Weather the storm of people's disapproval.
Find freedom through forgiveness and relinquishing control.
Protect your sense of self while still caring for others

About the Author

Susan Carrell, is a licensed professional counselor and therapist with more than twenty years of experience. She is also a registered nurse, with a specialization in psychiatric nursing, and a former hospital chaplain.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on May 07, 2009, 10:32:20 AM
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on May 09, 2009, 05:29:59 AM

Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:

Feel like life isn’t worth living
Wish you had died with your loved one
Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
Are unable to perform your normal daily activities

The difference between grief and depression
Distinguishing between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy, since they share many symptoms. However, there are ways to tell the difference. Remember, grief is a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.

Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief:

Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
 Slow speech and body movements
Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.
Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on June 14, 2009, 05:15:35 AM
I thought I would put up this link - I may have done so before.

I am thinking here of posters who have lost a parent (or SO) who was NOT "nice" to them, and as one poster said in her post: "she was always critical of me".

You will read here about others who find or found themselves in the same situation, and how they address or addressed it:


Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on June 26, 2009, 05:13:24 AM

There are many excellent links, and wide, thought provoking information on this Irish site, on the topic of depression, and the medications use.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 09, 2009, 05:29:40 AM
Thought I would put up this useful link.  I notice that many who post on our website find it difficult to locate a therapist, or are too far away from one, or maybe finances are a problem, or they have encountered a therapist who did not suit them.
Maybe they will find some solutions here:

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 09, 2009, 12:15:41 PM
A book:

What Everyone Should Know About the First Year of Grief  Kay Talbot, Ph.D.

An excerpt:

""Expect exhaustion and disruption.

Early grieving is perhaps the hardest work you will ever do. It is common to have difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite and blood pressure, tense muscles that are susceptible to strains, a weakened immune system. Be sure to tell your physician about your loss and any physical symptoms you have. If your doctor can't or won't listen, find one who will!

After a loss, many people return to work, school, or other activities feeling vulnerable, less confident about their capabilities, less able to concentrate, distracted by memories, and flooded with emotions that disrupt thinking. For others, work is the only place they are able to concentrate-focusing on tasks helps take their mind off their loss for a while.

Those around us may have unrealistic expectations as we return to work or school. When one mother whose only child had died returned to work, her supervisor greeted her by saying: "I'm sorry about your loss but I want to talk to you about improving your work performance." Expect to be stunned by the ineptness, thoughtlessness, and discomfort of some people, and to be thrilled and deeply touched by the kindness and sensitivity of others. Sometimes those you expect to support you the most can't or won't meet your needs, while others you weren't that close to before reach out unexpectedly.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 14, 2009, 04:25:07 AM
I thought this article very good and helpful, particularly in the context of the painful feelings brought about by grief.

""It is common to see more rigid reliance on paranormal, religious or superstitious sentiments during stressful periods, as they temporarily explain and contain worrisome feelings. A common parable frequently intoned is that all things happen for a reason. A more mature interpretation is that we make meaning from the things that happen to us. The former philosophy reflects the passivity of infancy, while the latter suggests a greater sense of personal agency.

To understand and regulate anxious feelings, we must work in the present to reconstruct the past. By being curious about ourselves, we open up creative channels, giving voice to emotions that have ossified in the body. We tilt the body-mind configuration toward a more developed mind-body relationship.

""As hope begins to replace doom, fresh solutions to life’s challenges avert repetitious spirals mired in the remote past. Happy and sad".

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 21, 2009, 03:32:57 PM

"Caring too much can hurt. When caregivers focus on others without practicing self-care, destructive behaviors can surface. Apathy, isolation, bottled up emotions and substance abuse head a long list of symptoms associated with the secondary traumatic stress disorder now labeled: Compassion Fatigue".


Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 23, 2009, 01:43:08 PM
Posters often are concerned by this aspect of life on the net.  Grief of another kind can be avoided if one is  aware.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 31, 2009, 08:49:15 AM

This link is in connection with a post I  put up on "main".

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on September 30, 2009, 03:53:14 PM

This site is by a Jewish psychologist, Dr. Richard Grossman.  It is well worth looking at, anyone who has children's interests at heart.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on October 18, 2009, 04:48:41 AM

“Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience,
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on October 27, 2009, 05:22:01 PM
I am putting these up here as well.  Because I think they are very practical.

Hello to all:

This evening going through some old boxes of papers and stuff I came across this page:

Ten Golden Rules for Myself

1. I should give myself the same care and attention  give others
2. I am not an endless"resource" for others.  I must stock up on "reserves" and not get too drained.
3. I have needs which may be different from my family, my friends or my collagues
4. I do not have to say "yes" to all requests - or feel guilty if I say "no".
5. I have the right to be treated with respect as a worthwhile, intelligent and competent person
6. I do not have to have everyone's approval all the time to know that I am trying my hardest
7. Time for unwinding is time very well spent.
8. Making mistakes is not a disaster- I can learn from these and it allows other to as well.
9. I must be fair tomyself and remember, at all times, especially in the face of criticism, anxiety and difficulties THAT I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN.


Sounds to me like a very healthy recipe ....

Best to all
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on November 21, 2009, 04:45:51 AM
A pleasant remedy!

Dark chocolate eases emotional stress
- November 12, 2009
LAUSANNE, Switzerland, Nov 12, 2009 (UPI via COMTEX) -- Swiss scientists say people who are stressed and reach for dark chocolate -- the "chocolate cure" -- do seem to experience less emotional stress.

Sunil Kochhar of the Nestle Research Center in Lausanne, Switzerland, conducted a clinical trial involving 30 human subjects, who were classified in low and high anxiety traits using validated psychological questionnaires.

Urine and blood plasma were collected during three test days at the beginning, mid-time and at the end of a two-week study.

Kochhar said human subjects with higher anxiety trait showed a distinct metabolic profile indicative of a different energy homeostasis, hormonal metabolism and gut microbial activity.

The study, published in the Journal of Proteome Research, found eating about one-and-one-half ounce of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of stress hormones in the bodies of people who say they feel highly stressed.

"The study provides strong evidence that a daily consumption of 40 grams -- 1.4 ounces (of dark chocolate) -- during a period of two weeks is sufficient to modify the metabolism of healthy human volunteers," the researchers said in a statement.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on December 07, 2009, 07:15:10 AM
Worth-while article.  Over-prescribing is a problem.



""Last night the Irish Medicines Board confirmed that all antidepressants sold in Ireland will now have to carry a suicide warning.

"Following a review of the issue at European level, companies that hold authorisations for antidepressant products in Ireland have been requested to update their product information with regard to suicidal thoughts or behaviour," a Medicines Board statement said.

"These warnings apply to all medicines in Ireland for the treatment of depression," explained Eoin Quinn, who is a spokesperson for the medicine's regulatory agency.

Dr Michael Corry, a consultant psychiatrist who has studied Ireland's current suicide epidemic, strongly believes that there is a link between suicides and the over-prescribing of anti-depressants. ""

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on January 15, 2010, 10:15:03 AM
This will go down a "treat" I know!


" eating about an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of stress hormones in the bodies of people feeling highly stressed. Everyone's favorite treat also partially corrected other stress-related biochemical imbalances. ""

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 06, 2011, 01:09:22 PM
It's a sad day when things have come to this.  The bereaved, the desolate, the desperate, NEED someone to talk to "talk therapy". 
Now it turns out talk therapy is going to be binned


http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/health/policy/06doctors.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha3 (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/health/policy/06doctors.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha3)
Title: The Other Side of Sadness
Post by: sevenofwands on February 20, 2012, 07:06:01 AM
A book by George Bonnano

"The Other Side of Sadness"

"From Publishers Weekly . He once helped debunk the theory of repressed memory; now this Columbia clinical psychology professor takes on the conventional wisdom about grieving. There's little evidence to support the existence of stages of mourning or the corollary that if the stages aren't followed completely, there's cause for alarm. What Bonanno does find is a natural resilience that guides us through the sadness of loss, and grief, rather than distracting us, actually causes the mind to focus; it also elicits the compassion and concern that humans are hard-wired to offer in response to another's suffering. Bonanno acknowledges that grief is sometimes extreme and requires treatment, much like post-traumatic stress disorder. But with this work, science and common sense come together in a thoughtful, kindhearted way; stories of loss go far beyond striking a familiar chord—they give us hope."
"Combining personal anecdotes and original research, The Other Side of Sadness is a must-read for those going through the death of a loved one, mental health professionals, and readers interested in neuroscience and positive psychology"

The author:

About George A. Bonanno

George A. Bonanno is Professor of Clinical Psychology and Chair of the Department of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University’s Teachers College. He is a 2008 Fellow for Distinguished Contributions to Psychological Science from the Association for Psychological Science. His work has been featured in Science, the Wall Street Journal, and the Washington Post,and he has appeared on CNN and 20/20. He lives in New York City with his wife and two children.
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: helene on March 02, 2012, 09:14:30 AM
WOW Sevenofwands!!

What a truly impressive list of books, articles, websites etc that you have given us here!! That is truly commendable! I am going to print your list and see what we might have at our local library. Thank you again for all your effort  listing these and for your very insightful comments.

Most sincerely,

Title: All help is good help
Post by: sevenofwands on March 06, 2012, 06:34:37 AM
Thank you, Helene, for the kind words.   I do so hope you find more peace as you write out and talk about the issues in your life.  It shows courage.

Every good wish to you for the peace and contentment you so deserve
Title: Too soon old
Post by: sevenofwands on March 11, 2012, 07:36:06 AM
Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now [Hardcover]
Gordon Livingston  M.D.
Gordon Livingston (Author)
(Author), Elizabeth Edwards

REview: "The gentle, even-keeled warmth of Livingston's prose distinguishes this slim book of 30 inspirational "truths." A psychiatrist familiar with trauma from both his practice and his life (in one 13-month period, he lost one son to leukemia and another to suicide), Livingston offers the kind of wisdom that feels simultaneously commonsensical and revelatory: "We are what we do," "The perfect is the enemy of the good," "The major advantage of illness is relief from responsibility." He intersperses counsel with personal experience, and tackles topics both joyful and deeply painful. In the chapter focusing on "We are what we do," he notes that the "three components of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to," and he reminds us that "love is demonstrated behaviorally"-that is, actions count more than words. In his discussion of "Happiness is the greatest risk," he considers how our fear of losing happiness is often a roadblock to our experiencing it. For those contemplating suicide, he writes that "it is reasonable to confront them with the selfishness and anger implied in any act of self-destruction." Livingston's words feel true, and his wisdom hard-earned."
Title: Ian Rowland
Post by: sevenofwands on March 31, 2012, 01:21:51 PM
A book:

The Full Facts Book of Cold Reading by Ian Rowland


http://www.thecoldreadingbook.com/ (http://www.thecoldreadingbook.com/)
Title: Richard Carlson (died 2006)
Post by: sevenofwands on April 06, 2012, 05:14:02 AM
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2693.Richard_Carlson (http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2693.Richard_Carlson)

“One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It's not and it won't. When we make this mistake we tend to spend a lot of time wallowing and/or complaining about what's wrong with life. "It's not fair," we complain, not realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.”
Richard Carlson

And a few others

Panic is a sudden desertion of us, and a going over to the enemy of our imagination.  ~Christian Nevell Bovee

Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face.  ~Nelson DeMille

As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men's minds more seriously than what they see.  ~Julius Caesar

Title: More books
Post by: sevenofwands on April 17, 2012, 12:06:17 PM
Just putting up this link as it contains quite a few books on widowhood, grieving and so on.

http://astore.amazon.co.uk/widowie-21/278-9127984-7214921?node=1&page=3 (http://astore.amazon.co.uk/widowie-21/278-9127984-7214921?node=1&page=3)
Title: Widowers in mind
Post by: sevenofwands on April 18, 2012, 05:10:51 AM
http://www.grandtimes.com/widowers.html (http://www.grandtimes.com/widowers.html)

An excerpt:

This is the point at which men who have developed resilience and flexibility in their lives have a distinct advantage over men who had led conventionally restrained lives.
Resilient men have already had long experience in accepting challenges and trying out new solutions to problems. After a period of grieving the death of a beloved wife, they may plunge themselves into some new and absorbing activity. Or they may devote themselves to a pursuit they have always dreamed of but couldn't indulge in while young and carrying the responsibilities of a young family.
 For a while these resilient and resourceful men may keep themselves feeling alive and vital as they go about their new enterprises. But the time soon comes when they long for the intimacies that they realize will exist for them only in a marriage or a committed relationship.
Title: When Men Grieve
Post by: sevenofwands on April 18, 2012, 06:10:07 AM
A book:

When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help [Paperback]
by Elizabeth Levang 


"The masculine grieving style is described in eloquent, lyrical language and mirrors the experiences of many men who seek counseling and support in my bereavement groups. The author gives sound advice about how women can better understand and support men who grieve, while also honoring their own feelings. "
Title: NAMI
Post by: sevenofwands on April 22, 2012, 12:57:19 PM
http://www.nami.org/Graphics/TemplateHeader/By_Illness_Header.gif (http://www.nami.org/Graphics/TemplateHeader/By_Illness_Header.gif)

NAMI stays focused on educating America about mental illness. NAMI is the foundation for hundreds of NAMI State Organizations, NAMI Affiliates and volunteer leaders who work in local communities across the country to raise awareness and provide essential and free education, advocacy and support group programs for people living with mental illness and their loved ones. NAMI creates change and works tirelessly to advocate for an American health care system that ensures access to treatment to those in need.

Because mental illness impacts the lives of at least one in four adults and one in 10 children--or 60 million Americans--NAMI will work every day to save every life."

Title: Where the hell is God?
Post by: sevenofwands on May 20, 2012, 01:57:34 PM
Someone mentioned this book to me today, so I thought I'd mention it here.

"Where the Hell is God?" by Fr. Richard Leonard (a Jesuit)

The author says:

"On 23 October 1988 my sister, Tracey, was involved in a freakish car accident: she dislocated the 5th cervical vertebra and fractured the 6th and 7th vertebrae. For the last 23 years she has been a quadriplegic. Tracey is one of the finest people I know, and even at the time of the accident, at 28 years of age, she had already lived in Calcutta for three years and nursed the poorest of the poor at Mother Teresa’s House of the Dying. She had returned to Australia and got a job working with the Sisters of Our Lady of Sacred Heart, running a health centre for Aboriginal people at Port Keats. It was near there that the car accident happened.

Within twelve hours of my mother finding out about Tracey’s accident, she was standing in a hospital room in Darwin asking, ‘Where the hell is God?’ "

Maybe the book will be helpful to some.


Title: Mn and grief
Post by: sevenofwands on June 20, 2012, 11:12:21 AM
http://www.griefspeaks.com/id38.html (http://www.griefspeaks.com/id38.html)
Title: Men and grief
Post by: sevenofwands on June 20, 2012, 11:14:50 AM
Many men avoid grief in one of the following ways:

When men experience loss, they often get overlooked.  When others fail to acknowledge their losses, men tend to feel isolated, misunderstood and compelled to keep their grief a secret. We have different social expectations on men and women.

From the lin in previous post
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: Terry on June 21, 2012, 01:29:56 PM
Hey Seven!

Tom Golden cowrote this book "When a Man Faces Grief / A Man You Know Is Grieving" by Thomas Golden and James E. Miller

This is an exerpt from the forward:

"We want to be clear that the masculine side of healing is used by both men and women. It would be a mistake to say that all men heal in one way and all women another. This is simply not so. The truth is that we all use both sides. Women will use the masculine side in their healing just as many men will find the feminine ways helpful. It is how we blend the masculine and the feminine sides that makes us unique. As people we are too complex to be put into boxes."

More than ever, Seven men are beginning to realize that it's OK to grieve, feel deep pain and to know that it is not a sign of weakness, rather of strength. I really appreciate your posting this information, as I do all of your helpful posts.

I wrote a post earlier today ("what has helped me to understand") sharing another of Tom's books, "Swallowed by a Snake" which helped me to regain what was lost in my marriage after my surviving son died. And, I will be forever grateful for the information offered as it gave my husband and me many more years of quiet understanding and a peaceful solution to which I feared had none.

I remain so grateful for this site and the wonderful people that have walked beside me during my darkest hours.

Sending hugs & love,

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on June 21, 2012, 02:06:00 PM
Thank you Terry. 

One tries to help in one's own way.  I know people (many) do look in on the links I mention here, and it is to be hoped that some of teh information helps.

Title: Grieving Friend
Post by: sevenofwands on July 01, 2012, 12:12:40 PM
Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, and feeling sad or bad is not only appropriate but actually healthy. There are better ways  to offer emotional and physical support to someone you care about while they work through a tumultuous time.

Acknowledge what happened. While bringing up the subject may feel awkward, it’s necessary. The grieving person needs and wants to talk about what happened and their relationship to the person involved. Robbing them of that opportunity is arguably the worst thing you can do."


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/broken-hearts/201204/basic-tips-helping-grieving-friend (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/broken-hearts/201204/basic-tips-helping-grieving-friend)

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on July 29, 2012, 08:38:01 AM
http://www.havenofnova.org/articles/useful_articles.html (http://www.havenofnova.org/articles/useful_articles.html)

Some good articles here for the grieving.

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 01, 2012, 08:41:21 AM
http://www.drlarrylachman.com/people/caring-for-the-caregiver.php (http://www.drlarrylachman.com/people/caring-for-the-caregiver.php)

"Grief expert and psychologist, Dr. Therese Rando, in her book, How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies, writes that in order to "resolve" grief, we all need to acknowledge and understand our loss, experience our pain, and move adaptively into a new life without our dearly departed. This is a crucial point since many of my current bereavement clients struggle with this self-imposed dilemma: "How can I keep my loved ones' memory alive, without having to be in pain to do it?"

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: sevenofwands on August 11, 2012, 12:18:27 PM
http://mentalhealth.about.com/library/sci/0401/blwidow401.htm (http://mentalhealth.about.com/library/sci/0401/blwidow401.htm)

Good article IMO
Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: Terry on August 20, 2012, 10:45:14 AM

These are both very good articles and I recommend everyone reading them when they have the time. I particularly liked the first one - http://www.drlarrylachman.com/people/caring-for-the-caregiver.php (http://www.drlarrylachman.com/people/caring-for-the-caregiver.php)

Thanks, Seven for these recommended readings!!

Title: Re: Practical help
Post by: clinicain on July 23, 2019, 10:58:08 PM
this is a good articles thanks for it... ;)