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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on December 07, 2008, 06:27:58 PM

Title: Friction in a marriage
Post by: Adams Brokenhearted Mama on December 07, 2008, 06:27:58 PM
Am I wrong in thinking that a lot of friction comes from no one else in my family willing to go for counseling? I think that it is so vital to learn the tools to try to survive this horrible tragedy in our lives. I keep on plugging at it but the tension and drama in this household is so emotionally draining. Not only am I a bereaved Mother I feel like I have to walk through a minefield of emotions each day in this house. I would love to have some sort of peace and harmony. Life as I knew it was unravelling as Adam's descent into the hell of drug usage amped up, Kaiti's ongoing issues and Adam's demise just seem to put the rubber stamp of OVER on all of us.
Title: Re: Friction in a marriage
Post by: SueH on December 08, 2008, 02:56:29 PM
I think that you need to just take care of YOU. Do what you feel will make YOU feel better and perhaps others will when they feel they want to.

Sueh
Title: Re: Friction in a marriage
Post by: Dena on December 08, 2008, 03:14:22 PM
Paula-

Sue is right. Take care of you.  I would go into counseling and hope that others follow by example.  Show progress and it might be encouraging to others.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom
Title: Re: Friction in a marriage
Post by: Katie--Adam's Mom on December 08, 2008, 03:54:45 PM
((((Paula)))),

It is so very hard to see our spouse and other children hurting.  I think we want to make it "better" for them in any way we can.  But we each grieve differently, on individual schedules.  My "style" was to reach out here just a few weeks after my Adam was killed, to read everything about grief, and to put my energy into the criminal case.  I didn't start formal counseling until about the one year mark but did find that it helped very much.  My husband began counseling about the same time, but it took another crisis (job loss) and much encouragement for him to go. 

I think that therapy gave me coping skills in dealing with my husband's and daughter's grief, as well as my own.  While I could not take their pain away I found ways to support them in the ways they need.  I hope that counseling serves as a safe place for you where you gather strength and insight that will not only help you but also help you in relating to your family.

It is good to see you back, but I am so sorry you have reason to be here at all.

Love & hugs,
Katie