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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Child Loss => Topic started by: Dena on December 11, 2006, 07:06:11 PM

Title: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Dena on December 11, 2006, 07:06:11 PM
If you have an immediate need/emergency - please post it here!
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: adele on December 22, 2006, 12:23:47 PM
I thought that I could get through this season for a change without melting down. It will be seven years in January since I last held my baby Thomas.

We have gone through so much...losing Thomas, then losing my Mom two months before, and then going through bankruptcy. I think part of it is we are invited back to our old neighborhood to visit an old family friend and she wants to go carolling through the neighborhood. I'm not sure that I can do that and I'm missing my babyThomas and my Mom.

I have invited my 92 yearr old Dad to the house we are living in now for Christmas

So funny I was listening to the news this morning and they were talking about missing family and what to do for the sadness. Part of my answer may be not going back to our old neighborhood and remembering the life we use to.
Adele-Mom to Thomas(Forever Four 1-05-06-1/26/00)
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: CRCmom on December 22, 2006, 12:38:05 PM
Adele,

I am so sorry that you are going through the raw emotions like you are.  Going through the old neighborhood may not be such a good idea.  You certainly know what is best for you at this time.  I would only do what is beneficial to you and your well-being.  Having you 92 year old dad with you must be difficult in and of itself. 

I wish I could make the pain of missing our kids magically dissappear, but it just can't be. 

Know that you will be in my prayers throughout this holiday season.

Much love,

Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Dottie (Tammie's Mom) on December 22, 2006, 01:06:22 PM
Dear Adele,

Sure wish I had a magical word that could help take some of the pain away. I too have been melting down the past couple days, I have even been physically sick. It is just too much for our minds and bodies to handle sometimes. Too, too painful.

Please know I am thinking of you and sending any strength I can your way,

Dottie Tammie's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: faye on December 22, 2006, 06:57:50 PM
I am holding you close to my heart Adele.  I have been having some awful meltdowns too.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: adele on December 23, 2006, 06:54:06 AM
I was able to get through last night okay. Yesterday it was pouring rain(we got 4 inches of rain ) yesterday and that did not help my mood.
 
Thank you for your responses.

Adele
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Dena on December 23, 2006, 07:23:13 AM
((((Adele)))) - The holidays are SO hard for us.  It is even worse when we compare other peoples "normal" to what has become our own.

I am thinking of you and if you need to talk - we are here.  Wishing it were different.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: quint906 on December 23, 2006, 11:09:08 AM
Hi Adele,

I can really relate to you.  Last December 19th, my son Cory died.  Doing all I can to make it through this Christmas.

Here's a little history of my last year.

Last November, my mother fell and broke her hip.  Dec. Cory left me.  Went back home to Florida to make arrangements.  New Years eve, my brother ended up in the hospital for a week with an amputation.  (This was the day after we got home from moving Cory's apartment).  In April, my mother almost died from a bowel obstruction and going into septic shock.  My daughter who lives in Slidell, La. and her children developed asthma from the mold in their rented house from Hurricaine Katrina.  In October, moved my mother-in-law up from our home in Florida, put the home on the market and now she's living here with us at my mothers.  Mom needs care as she is now in a wheelchair.  Like I said, I'm really forcing myself through this holiday without my son.  At 2:00 this morning I heard a sharp knock on the bedroom door.  Opened it, and there was my mother on the floor.  She fell again and now has tremendous pain in her leg.  Keeping her in bed with ice and elevation.  Hoping it's not broken.  This is the same side as the broken hip but it doesn't seem to be hurting in the hip area.

I was just sitting here thinking "why".  It's seems every holiday that comes, there's some trauma happening.  Everytime things seem to get a little bit better, there's another setback.  Even foolish thoughts like "what have I done to be punished like this" go through my mind.  This life is getting so hard.  I'm the one everyone relies on but how much more can I give?  Getting through Dec. 19th and the holidays was more than I can handle.

Like you, I miss holding and talking to my son.  Cory was 30 years old with a wife and two beautiful kids.  He was my heart.  Now I feel like I just exist.

Sorry for the ramble, just needed to get this out.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Rebecca on December 23, 2006, 11:23:39 AM
Adele: You are not rambling, just speaking your heart.  I don't know why some families have more than their share of heartache and sorrow.  I read an article in today's newspaper that the writer said:  No one should ask why... well, I want to know why too.  But I know there are no answers only more heartache... I hope that you get to see Thomas' wife and children for Christmas.  Jason was 31 when he died but without a wife, SO, or children so we will not have that from him.  Right now, I would be happy to have him but I know that is not an option.  Times are just so sad.  I guess I didn't help you too much.  I am sorry for that.
Rebecca Jason's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Jeanneb on December 23, 2006, 02:42:41 PM
Adele,

I am so sorry that the pain is so raw and intense right now.  I wish I had the magic wand to make it go away.  Not sure going to the old neighborhood would be a good thing right now but only you know what is best.  Taking care of your elderly father is certainly a full-time job.  My grandmother passed away this past July at age 99.  It was like taking care of a baby, you had to watch her 24/7.  It really took its toll on my mom.

Please try and take care of you along the way.

Love and hugs,
Jeanne
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Chy Scott's Mom on December 24, 2006, 04:14:10 AM
The weight of the world  on shoulders get tired, weary and bent over.  Dec. 19th would have been Scott's 21st birthday, for months after he was killed I was hoping that some little girl would call and say she was pregnant.  But that didn't happen, I guess I taught him right, you know?  The might sound odd but I wonder if any of you have had these passing thoughts, most of the time I am so busy with either work, or my son (he demands a lot of effort) or now the holidays and juggling my grandson and work with my DIL that I actually get angry because I can't get the space and time to grieve and wallow.  This really makes me mad, I've spent almost 4 years just fetchin' and gettin' it seems with no down time to grieve.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: starynyte on December 24, 2006, 05:18:50 AM
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Adele)))))))))))))))))))))))))) wishing you peace and comfort.


((((((((((((((((((((((((((Chy))))))))))))))))))))))))))) From my experience, when I have done this, it seems to make my grief much more intense. Holding it in, denying it, is very bad. It will find a way to come to the surface, and I wasn't able to control when. Totaly breaking down in public is humiliating for me...

Please try to set limits on extending yourself to others, take care of you. People that love you may think if you are busy, it helps keep your mind off of your grief. To some degree it does help, but not when you have no time to yourself.

Wishing you peace, and and empowerment to say "no"

Love Cherri
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: marie on December 24, 2006, 09:44:48 AM
This is the first year without Patrick. I just hope I could get through it Cristmas day at the nursing home without having a melt down. I just loose it at times like I am having a nervous break down. It breaks my heart and I start crying when I see Patrick's dog BISCUIT peeking through the gate just waiting for Patrick to come home and sometimes he barks at nothing.LOVE AND HUGS MARIE
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: adele on December 24, 2006, 10:05:00 AM
Dear Marie,

The holidays are the worst times especially the first year. Take one breath one minute and breathe again and one step at a time. Remember be kind to yourself. Sending cyber hugs.

Adele-  Mom To Thomas (Forever Four)
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Chrs on December 28, 2006, 11:19:37 PM
This pain is so overwellming and having fools (my fam) for support does not help anything. My mom thinks I should just get over losing Sara and my sis thinks Sara and I are going to hell! I just dont know what to do with my days anymore kinda lost! Im in winter break from college and dont have the stress of that. But seem to lose track of my days wallowing in my pain not knowing what to do with myself.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: starynyte on December 29, 2006, 02:24:58 AM
I sure remember those days! Its like a vortex that sucks you in, and before you know it, youve cried yourself through 4 days, and somehow got lost, and didnt realise those days had even passed.

I know its easier said than done, but try to find healthy ways to occupy your mind. Get out of the house, try to summon the strength to busy yourself.

As far as your family, I know you want and need their support so bad, but it looks like you wont get what you need from them, unfortunately. Perhaps look into a local support group... there ARE people that understand and can show you compassion, I wish it could be your family though.

Wishing you a blanket of peace to cover you in comfort.

Love Cherri
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Kyme jeffreys Mom on January 06, 2007, 06:41:44 PM
I just want to know he is okay, that is all I want to know that my son is okay


I miss him so much

Jeffrey's mom
Kyme
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: sykeller (Ray's mom) on January 06, 2007, 07:23:58 PM
Kyme,

I wish I had the words to comfort you, to ease the pain.  My heart goes out to you, one broken hearted mom to another.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Sy

(http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l123/sykeller/Angel.jpg)
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Paula, Tims Mom on January 06, 2007, 07:30:06 PM
I just want to know he is okay, that is all I want to know that my son is okay


I miss him so much

Jeffrey's mom
Kyme

Kym, I suggest you start doing some research and reading about NDE (near death experience) - there are some wonderful books and scientific studies out there about what people experience at the moment of clinical "death", and there is a widespread universal experience (described in many different religious faiths) of a continuation of consciousness and an embrace of great peace and wonder.  Once you read about what people experience at the time of "death"  it may set your heart at ease that Jeffery is "OK", beyond any further discomfort or pain and quite probably in the company of other members of your family who passed before him.  

My mother had an NDE. She was approaching glory and didn't want to come back but was told it wasn't her time.. This happens to so many.  Just do some research and reading.  It helped me in the early months after Tim died to think about who he was met by and who is with him now. Also to recognize that we are all here for a purpose until it is our time and someday we'll understand it all. It is hard to have to wait to know, but probably we Moms have already done the hardest thing we will ever have to do.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Johanna on January 08, 2007, 08:45:45 AM
I absolutely agree with you Paula, and that belief is what has kept me going for the past 11 months and 13 days.  I believe that he is around me any time I need him, and that (as much as it sucks for me) he was here as long as he was supposed to be, had learned the lessons he was to learn while here and had completed what he was here to do. It doesn't make the agony of losing him any less, but it is somewhat easier to bear knowing that I will be with him again when I have learned my lessons and have done what my soul set out to do when it got here... "learning my lessons" has never been much of a strength for me though...

And Kyme, if the need to know that Jeffrey is ok is tearing you up so badly, you might want to look into seeing a psychic medium if it is not strictly against your religious beliefs.  Do your homework and make sure you see someone reputable because I don't want to see you 'scammed' (I think several women here have seen mediums and may be able to suggest someone in your area - I am in Canada, so I wouldn't be of much help with that).  I know I feel better just having had someone validate what I was "feeling", "smelling", "sensing" and "hearing", and hearing someone confirm to me that he is ok.  He is not happy because he wished he hadn't had to hurt me, but he is content where he is. I also am pretty sure - from a "dream" I had - that he is busy where he is, helping others (I won't write the details of the dream cause I don't want you all to think I've lost some marbles or am just wishful thinking).  Makes sense, it's what he tried to do all of his life here.

Anyway, hope this has helped, even just a little.
Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Kyme jeffreys Mom on January 15, 2007, 11:29:22 PM
Johanna

I am in Canada, still as far as I now montreal is still part of us

Kyme
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Johanna on January 17, 2007, 05:53:14 PM
Hi Kyme,
I'm sorry. I didn't look at your profile when I replied to your last post in this section. Nice to meet another Canadian here - there are only a few of us - I just wish it was under better circumstances.

I'm from a little community about a half hour north of Barrie, Ontario.  If you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to email me privately and we can exchange phone numbers.

I hope you are finding a way to get some of the answers you need. Take care of yourself.
Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Kathy on February 08, 2007, 09:45:18 AM
I don't post much ,but read all the time. My 16 year old son Don was killed in a car accident on Oct. 2, 2004.

I took my 13 year old son, David to the doctor for a what I thought may be a sinus infection. He will be having a CAT scan today at 3:30. I am so scared!  Please keep David in your thoughts and prayers.

Kathy
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Johanna on February 08, 2007, 11:31:52 AM
Absolutely. 
Wishing you and your son the best.  You'll be in my thoughts.
Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED _ KATHY
Post by: Karen Paul on February 08, 2007, 12:17:46 PM
Kathy - keeping you and your son in my prayers.. please do let us know how it goes with the doctor...

luv and hugs,
Karen
aunt of chris
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Debh on February 08, 2007, 12:48:44 PM
Cathy I will keep you and your son David in my thoughts.

Love
Deb
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED -Everything is OK
Post by: Kathy on February 08, 2007, 06:00:06 PM
David will be fine. He has a very bad sinus infection. The doctor ordered a CT scan because of the amount of pain and location of the pain. We have been going to this doctor for 18 years now (he was Don's doctor also) and he has a conservative approach to treatment. So, his ordering a scan was a big surprise. After having loss one child and my husband being badly injured last year, I know the worse can happen. We also had to go to the same hosptial where Don was taken (he was DOA) and where my husband was taken. The memories were awful.

Thank you friends for your support, caring and understanding.

Kathy
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Johanna on February 08, 2007, 06:37:46 PM
I'm so relieved to hear that David is ok.  Hugs to you and wishes for him to get will soon.

Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Lori, Alex's Mom on February 12, 2007, 08:19:07 PM
Kathy --

love and prayers to you, David and your family.

Lori, Alex's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Dottie (Tammie's Mom) on May 05, 2007, 05:42:55 AM
Oh, My God,
Dear Brenda,
I hope you take time to read here and act on your pain. I understand you are hurting and miss your beautiful son but he would not want you to do this to yourself and the other people in your life that love you.

Please get yourself some help. There is help out there. Find the right counselor or group. I found a wonderful group it has helped me when I thought I could not go on. Believe me I understand. Tammie was my only child and best friend, my life is so empty without her. I GET IT. But taking your own life is not the answer.

Please Brenda, think of your daughter::::

We are all here to help anyway we can.

Dottie Tammie's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Kathy on May 05, 2007, 09:08:25 AM
Please Brenda, please don't do this! Taylor wouldn't want you to do this. Your family needs you more than they can every say. I understand your pain ,but please get some help.

Love,
Kathy-Don's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda(Jessica's Mom) on September 17, 2007, 10:25:30 PM
Feeling really low today... wishing I had bought a gun. NO I have kids here today I have to tend to. but GOD I wish I was free to go home.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Penny - Sean's Mom on September 17, 2007, 10:37:56 PM
I don't have wise words but I wanted to let you know that I am here.   A gun isn't the answer to our pain.  It sounds like an easy out but we of all people know there is no such thing as an easy out.  We are here for some reason that I don't completely understand but we are here.  Hang in there.  Call someone - even if it's a complete stranger.  It's not your time to go home yet.   

Penny - Sean's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda(Jessica's Mom) on September 17, 2007, 10:41:55 PM
Thanks Penny, I KNOW a gun isnt the answer, and that pisses me off. How easy it would be.... but alas, no easy shit for me. Life sucks.  Why the hell ISNT my time to go???????
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Penny - Sean's Mom on September 17, 2007, 10:51:53 PM
The "why" is a question I ask myself all the time.  If you figure out the answer before me be sure to let me know!  I have so little faith in so many things but I do know that there must be some reason I'm still here.  I keep saying that there must have been a easier way to learn whatever lesson it is I'm supposed to be learning from this journey but here I am.  Our kids don't want us to find them the hard way, so here we are.  Hanging in.  Doing the best we know how.

Wishing you peace tonight...

Penny - Sean's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: quint906 on September 18, 2007, 02:25:21 PM
Hi Brenda,

Just finished reading your posts.  I've been where you are today.  The hardest thing for me is acknowledging that Cory is gone.  I've been in such a denial still hoping this is a dream.  I have to tell myself everyday that Cory "is" still here, I just can't see him.  Sometimes I ache so bad because I just want to feel a hug, hear his voice or smell him.  I don't know how many times I've asked "Why?".

There is a reason that we're still here and have to be here.  For some, like me, I'm still searching for the answer.  Maybe my purpose is to keep Daddy alive for his children and to be able to teach them and tell them the stories about their father.  Maybe your purpose is to keep Jessica alive to her family and friends.  There are things that a mother knows about their children that only they can convey.

There are days that we wake up and the void in our hearts is unbearable.  Those are the days that we think "maybe tomorrow will be better".

I seem to be rambling but I just want you to know that when you hurt, we all hurt with you.  We're here for you.  Just keep coming back until you make it through this painful time.  Our lives are now the words "moving forward" and doing it the best that we can.

My thoughts are with you and Jessica.

Jo (Cory's Mom)
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Jeanneb on September 18, 2007, 03:51:56 PM
(((((BRENDA)))))

You hold on tight.  I know the dark place is just so overwhelming sometimes.  I've been there in that pit thinking I would never get out.  Took a handful of pills, hubby found me and they pumped my stomach and I promised him I wouldn't leave him here alone.  It hurts and it hurts really bad but for whatever reason we are left here. 

Jessica was your sweet angel.  I don't know why she was taken...I don't know why Philip was taken...but we are left here to carry on the best way we can.  Just as hubby found me, it wasn't for me to leave but to stay...I can say this was way early in my journey...the pain I thought was just too much.  I still say "I WANT HIM BACK".  In so many ways we buried a part of us along with our child.  Trying to find our way, searching endlessly to make it through but you can.  It isn't easy but know that I walk right beside you.  Somedays I think I have this figured out and why I'm still here...just as fast as that thought comes...the next day I just don't know what my purpose is...I just keep taking those deep breaths and baby steps.

Holding you oh so very close to my heart,
Jeanne
Philip's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: sandy2 on September 18, 2007, 06:05:09 PM
BRENDA, i read jessica memorial site before writing ,WHAT A BEAUTIFUL YOUG DAUGHTER YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO BE PROUD OF!!!!!!!!!  god i feel your pain wish i could comfort you in some way . im 4 mo into this journey  & im just not realy sure what too say . just wanted to let you know I AM SO THINKING OF YOU & YOUR BEATIFUL JESSICA !!!! PLEASE TRY AS HARD AS POSSIBLE TO TRY & STAY CONNECTED HERE , I KNOW ITS BEEN MY LIFE LINE . SENDING HUGH HUGS & LOTS OF LOV , SANDY SHANES MOM
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: wubbie on May 16, 2008, 07:46:58 AM
its been a month since i lost my son  i cant take the pain
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on May 23, 2008, 03:59:23 PM
We are all here for you... it is the number one thing that has helped me through the last 3 1/2 years w/o my only son Taylor... please if you can only type one sentence, one word,,,, just know you are never alone... Love, Brenda
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: mamaAnn on June 01, 2008, 12:40:59 PM
our son died 3 weeks ago.SOMEBODY PLEASE TALK TO ME!
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: WendyRN on June 01, 2008, 06:14:49 PM
MamaAnn:

So sorry to hear of another on this long and lonely journey.  Three weeks is such a short time to even imagine it being true.  If you've posted other information about your son, I haven't had a chance to catch up with it yet.  When you feel like it and if you want to, please share more about your precious son. 

My son died in an atv accident last August and I am still having trouble believing he's really gone.  Its just so impossible to TRY to believe.  I WANT HIM BACK!

I wish you strength to help you cope over these most fragile days and weeks. 

Wendy, Keith's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on June 01, 2008, 09:32:41 PM
I just read your post and I am so deeply sorry about your precious son... we are here for you. My 14 year old only son Taylor was hit by a car 3 1/2 years ago.. it's a dark journey, but we are all here for you as much as we can be... Brenda
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: mwf on July 21, 2008, 04:47:34 AM
My son hung himself this morning.  I can't sleep or eat
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: grainofsand on July 21, 2008, 04:54:42 AM
mwf
We are here for you....
You are not alone...
Prayers are being sent out to heaven...
My arms are reaching out to you ...grab hold ..
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: MelissaCharliesMom on July 21, 2008, 11:45:05 AM
We are all here when you are ready to scream, cry, talk..whatever you need.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: WendyRN on July 21, 2008, 12:00:57 PM
mwf, I'm so very, very sorry for the loss of  your son.  Please take gentle care of yourself.  We are here for you if and when you want to share.

Wendy, Keith's mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on July 30, 2008, 06:53:16 PM
mwf, I am so deeply sorry about your son, please come back and talk to us when you can.. love, Brenda
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: rita-grammy on October 06, 2008, 07:37:40 AM
It is so sad to read everyone's pain, I am also still in that please come back phase...I am not sure I believe she is really gone. at her funeral I had it all planned out I was going to buy the gun, call police and do it while on the phone so my husband or grandson would not be the ones to find me. As painful as living is now, there are others who need us and we can't put them through the pain we are now going through. I agree it is unbearable and difficult so many times I wanted to leave to be with my baby. I even tried to overdose and woke up in ICU. I guess I quit breathing but, I still lived. Now I am on antidepressants and in theraphy. Nothing makes this journey any easier for all of us, but, because of our loss we are all in this together. I hope everyone keeps posting when they feel they need help this website has been a God send to me. There are people who do care and do understand.

Peace and love to all
Rita
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: KatEngland on March 08, 2009, 01:06:07 PM
I am so grateful to just come across this site.  It is so sad to see others heartbroken like me.  My beautiful daughter lost her baby, Ian Alexander Narbatovics, a couple of days ago.  She was laid off of her job, and as if that was not enough, her placenta ruptured and she gave birth to Ian 2 months early. Ian weighed 2 pounds 6 ounces.  His prognosis was great..they thought he was going to make it.  Misty had a csection, and never got to see Ian before she awoke as he was whisked away to a neonatal care unit at another hospital 45 minutes away. March 3rd was his birthdate..March 5, as she was released form the hospital, he took a turn for the worse.  he basically died in her arms.  The first time seeing him, he died in her arms.  I want to die right now.  i don't know how to help her.  This loss of Ian has made me dead inside.  I wish i could be dead and he would suddenly be here. I just widsh it were me. The worst is that she has baby clothes still coming to her that I ordered on ebay before he died. i can no longer talk to my family..I just can't. I have nowhere to turn besides my cherished husband. Thank you for reading.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Dena on March 08, 2009, 01:11:56 PM
(((((Kat))))))))

I am SO sorry for the loss of your precious grandson, Ian.  Just be there for your daughter.  My daughter lost my granddaughter (born still) a year ago and it was just devastating. In 1999, I lost my son, Joshua (14).  As parents, we want to make it all better for our children and it is heartbreaking and so frustrating when we can't.

You are in the right place for support  -we all walk that same sad journey.

Hugs,
Dena, Josh's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: KatEngland on March 08, 2009, 01:25:14 PM
Thank you, Dena. There are tears in my eyes at the pain of you for your children that you have lost as well. I know someday it will not hurt so much..because right now it is just overbearing..all consuming..Thank you.  Kat
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: KatEngland on March 11, 2009, 04:34:43 PM
we buried Ian yesterday. it was a cold and rainy day...but I swear I felt his presence. Although furious, and dying inside, I realize it was a blessing, for even only the 2 days my grandson was alive. Ian brought two days of joy and miracles. Worth every bit of pain now.  Every bit. Although I have tears of pain, I also have tears of joy for being a grandmother to Ian Alexander. I called the hospital that tried so hard to save him, and although I cried, I amaged to thank them for trying so hard. I also asked if any baby they thought would not make it in the past week had lived. One had..one they gave almost no hope for. I KNOW it, I just KNOW it, that my Ian was there to help that baby. I know it. Thank you for your help..and even though it hurts to breathe, to live each second, my grandson is a reason to celebrate as well as grieve.  :)  K
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Dena on March 11, 2009, 05:18:44 PM
(((Kat))))

I so understand those tears as a grandmother and as a mother.  You are right - Ian is a reason to celebrate as well as grieve.  I am so thankful for being able to hold my granddaughter and cuddle her.

You will find Ian all around you and he will send you signs to let you know that he is there.  Most are very subtle, but you will recognize them.

Hugs,
Dena, Josh's Mom
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda W on March 15, 2009, 05:33:20 PM
 My son Patrick (PJ) passed away on 2/7/09 just four days after his 26th Birthday, he died of liver failure related to a rare genetic disease called Alstrom's Syndrome.  I cannot help feeling that if I had gotten him to the hospital sooner he would have gotten his liver and kidney transplants that we waited nine years for;even though the Doctors tell me otherwise.  How do you get over the guilt that your child trusted you to make the right decisions for them?  He was also blind, so he did rely on me.  I just want to go to sleep and not feel so lonely anymore-he was my best friend and hero, his father left 11 years ago, so it has just been the two of us.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: KatEngland on March 16, 2009, 08:04:33 PM
Oh Brenda, I feel your pain. Our little Ian, my grandson just died MArch 5, and I have so many what ifs..you did nothing wrong, Brenda. I feel guilt over Ian';s death, anger that I live, and he died. Anger, loneliness, unsure of how to proceed living. So many questions without answers, when answers are what we so need. Grief this fresh, this raw, is like an open wound..it neeeds a lot of time to heal, and a lot of tears. This board has already given me a lot of strenght, and I have met some wonderfully compassionate people that have taken their pain and anguish and use it to comfort others. This board is so wonderful as people UNDERSTAND what you are going through, and that in itself means a lot to me. remember the joys of your loved one..it helps me.  Kat
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: KatEngland on April 19, 2009, 03:09:07 PM
Please helpe. Oh my god, I am so desolate and so lost right now. I wish I could die. I cannot take this loss of Ian. I am trying so hard. I am strugglind, desperately working to make a difference, but..if there is a go..which I cannot believe, as no god would do this to me and Misty...please just take me now. Let this suffering end. Please let me be with Ian. I wish I were dead.
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: JaimiesMom on May 21, 2009, 10:11:05 PM
:( omg kat!!! i know how hard it is, we all do... and im one to talk due to the fact that im seriously thinking of ending it... but kat, you have a life, children, husband, grandchildren... they need you, i need you!! <3 oh gosh i wish i could be there to hug you tight!!!
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: Brenda Taylors Mom on May 16, 2010, 02:40:09 PM
katengland. Hold on please these feelings will come and go they will pass. Your daughter needs you, I know it's hard but please just hold on and let it pass, take deep breaths seek professional help if you have to. I tried to end my life after Taylor died and was in a psyciatric ward for over a week, it was awful, I felt like a criminal, not to mention the pain it caused my daughter. We love you here. Brenda
Title: Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
Post by: missing kaiden on October 23, 2011, 08:23:18 AM
I read all the posts on here and my heart goes out to you all. I can feel your pain and its like you all are talking for me. My son has been gone for 15 days.....I don't know what to do with myself most days. No more bottles to make or diapers to change....no more. I have thought about putting myself out of misery but then I think about my other 5 children and my husband and I say I'm being selfish to them that they need me to...but I say Kaiden needs me too. My baby boy is gone and I didn't tell him enough how much I loved him. I can't mourn around my family because they say get over it and push forward. So I try to smile when I'm really dying inside or better yet...I'm dead already. I can't sleep or eat and my husband doesn't understand. He doesn't understand my heart is broken and can never be fixed