Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Sibling Loss => Topic started by: bean on November 20, 2007, 06:00:32 PM

Title: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: bean on November 20, 2007, 06:00:32 PM
This is the first time I reached out to any kind of goup or anything for that matter since I lost my brother 6 years ago this New Year's Day. I am (Now) my parents only living child and what an incredible burden it is, especially with the holiday's and his anniversary approaching.  The holiday's are particularly hard for me and for the paretns but my mother has become such an angry person and its hard to deal with her.  I do everything in my power not to annoy her or anger her.  I am 31 and have my own life but we are very close and its difficult to see how sad, how changed, my family has become.  We were a family of four and now its just not the same.  It's 6 years, its not getting any better----- any ideas on how to cope, how to handle the holiday's and just how to handle a grieving much loved mother- would be helpful?????? thanks
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: Lonnie on November 21, 2007, 02:20:05 AM
Bean-I'm the Moderator from the Main Board, and I just wanted to welcome you. I think you will find the boards a great help to you. I know that it must be hard on you to see the changes in your mom. Grief does that too you, and the loss of a child is devastating. I know that you must feel a lot of pressure and expectations, being the only child now.
I am sure that others who have lost Siblings will be along soon, and perhaps some of the moms who have lost children can also help with some advice, about how to deal with your mom in a loving and compassionate way. But I understand what you mean about the anger, and it just destroys everyone else as well. But she is grieving for her child, and doesn't know anything to make it better. And it is understandable.  Just know that when she is angry, it is not your fault, or even about you. You sound like a wonderful person, and the holidays are so difficult when a loved one is missing. I am sure that some of the others can add to this.
I am so sorry for your loss, and sorry for the way it has changed the happiness of your family. Please drop by any time.  Lonnie
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: Jeanneb on November 21, 2007, 01:55:00 PM

I posted to you under "love my brother."  I hope you will keep coming and posting.

Peace to you,
Philip's mom
Bruce's sister
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: kevinptr on November 22, 2007, 08:05:55 AM
this is a tough time for too.i lost my brother 2 years ago and my father 8 years ago.and i miss them terribly.this is my first time chatting about this.this year i will be with my inlaws .my brother left behind a wife and 4 children who are all young.
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: Lonnie on November 22, 2007, 01:37:10 PM
kevinptr: I am so glad that you posted, and so sorry for the loss of your brother and father. I know this time of year can be very difficult, but I hope your day is as good as it can be. Come by and post anytime, and tell us about your dad and brother.  You can post on the Main Board as well. Big hugs-Lonnie
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: hummingbird on November 22, 2007, 03:25:56 PM
Hi , welcome
sorry for your losses,
i'm not looking forward to christmas either, last yr was the 1st christmas in yrs that i had spent with my brother and it make me sad to to think i will never spend another one with him, but i am so greatfull that i had christmas  with him.
Its also so close to when he died too, 10th of january will be a whole yr with out him and hasn't it gone fast, where does the time go? I feel like it was only yesterday and hurt just as much.
I wish he was still here.
The last week has brought lots of dreams of my brother, i got to talk to him and tell him that i love him, i wanted to say goodbye but i think that dream is still come as in each dream he has not said goodbye he just says see you soon.
We just have to remember the happy times the memories that make us laugh and be proud that we had the greatest pleasure of knowing them and being part of their lives.
Take care hugs Helen
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: Coco on December 19, 2007, 12:06:20 PM

I am sorry to hear about your loss and understand the feeling of being torn and burdened by your parents.  I lost my brother and my mother.  My brother only 1 1/2 years ago.  My dad sister and I are left and my sister is in her own world.  In order to cope with dealing with my dad I had to go to a couselor she has told me that I am grieving as well and I cannot take on his grief for him, everyone grieves differently.  Thanksgiving this year I was proud of my dad he decided to go to my sisters this year and not feel sorry for himself that he did not have my brother's house to go to.  I also am part of a bereavement support group to be with others who have had recent losses it really very comfortable and I feel like a clicked with them very early on.  I would encourage you and your parents to try something new this year for the holidays it is to hard to relive the past when the person is missing.  You also need to be kind to yourself for you have had a loss as well.
Hope this help,
Title: Re: How to Handle the Holidays?
Post by: DianasMemory on December 19, 2007, 05:59:14 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss and yes the holidays are a difficult time.  My brother passed away when I was nine years old.  24 years ago.  It is so hard to believe life without him.  The holidays are hard.  This is my first without my mom.  Somehow I know this is the first christmas in 24 years she is spending with her son.  I miss them both so dearly  I find in the last six months since my mom passed I've missed my brother more and more.  I named my son after him.  The uncle he'll never know.  My brother touched my life so much that I will never stop missing him. 

It was wierd my mom use to say and friends use to say my son Andy looked just like my brother Andy.  My son has his name and some of his looks.  I handle holidays just like I handle each day somethimes one moment at a time.  If you are having a bad day the good thing is you can start your day over any time.