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Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Sibling Loss => Topic started by: babs on April 09, 2007, 02:38:12 AM

Title: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: babs on April 09, 2007, 02:38:12 AM
Found this board and not sure if posting my feelings will help or not.. I lost my sister 6 days ago and am having a hard time dealing with this. It happened so fast. We found out she had lung cancer and within 3 weeks she was gone. Still a shock and  I feel such sadness I just don't know what to do I feel so lost.

Could use some advice. Thanks


Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Sad Eyes on April 09, 2007, 06:17:41 AM
Dear Babs,

My heart goes out to you!!!  The pain and sorrow that we feel when we have lost someone close to us is truly unbearable at times.  I wish that I had some magic advice that would make you feel better, but all I can do is lend you a shoulder to cry on and to let you know that you aren't alone as you work through your grief.  Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Jean on April 09, 2007, 07:23:46 AM
Dear Babs:

I lost my sister 6 months ago. It was very sudden - heart attack - no chance to say goodbye. I remember those first weeks as if they were yesterday - just so unbearable. I am so sorry for your loss. We need to grieve - it proves that they existed and meant so very much to us. She'll always be in your heart.

I also lost my mom almost 2 weeks ago. I am still in shock over this...It just feels that there is far too much sorrow to bear it.

But have hope...we are all here and share your feelings...

God bless you.

Jeannie
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: babs on April 09, 2007, 10:45:44 AM
Thank you for your kindness it helps. I'm trying to take one day at a time. I keep thinking the phone is going to ring and she will be on the other end.
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Jean on April 09, 2007, 02:02:31 PM
Dear Babs:

I remember going grocery shopping and every other woman looked like my sister. She lived with us, and I still sometimes hear the basement door opening...

I wish there was a phone to heaven....allowing us at least one more call...

Jeannie
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: babs on April 09, 2007, 02:31:16 PM
Hi Jeanie
I wish I could get some kind of sign from her that she is alright and not in pain anymore. I guess I am grasping at straws here trying to make myself feel better.
I am very sorry for your loss your mom and sister both can't imagine what you have been going thru. I'm finding that I have been praying alot and it really has helped me.  Well I have been rambling on here. Thank you all for your kindness. Babs

Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Jean on April 09, 2007, 02:53:02 PM
Hi Babs.
I always had faith in my life, but never like in the last 6 months. These circumstances have brought me closer to God, and in doing that, I can believe that they are happy now, free from pain and sorrow. It doesn't make it any easier because we still miss them and its so hard to imagine life without them.

I do believe in signs and that they are still with us...I was with my mom when she died - talked to her before and during...there was serenity on her face as she was going - and sweet relief for her. As much as I wanted to scream and tell them to bring her back, I couldn't because I knew she'd be much happier...
Now I am rambling on...thank you for your reply and for listening. You will get your sign.

Jeannie
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: 4EVRdarrensSIS on April 09, 2007, 03:44:19 PM
Babs~  i'm so sorry to hear about your sister.  six days...it's all so fresh, kinda like you are spaced out.  i don't remember much of the first three months after my brother died of cancer......my 25 birthday was 9 days later and i just remember not caring about anything.  that was almost 5 years ago.  it will get easier.....the pain doesn't go away, i think we just learn to tolerate it  and accept the circumstances.  i am so sorry that you are going through this.  it's not fair.....nothing is fair about death.  i believe that darren is in heaven now...free from the pain he lived in for years before he died.  i believe that he is whole and healthy and smiling and laughing and carrying on keeping everyone in stitches up there......i have to believe that one day we will be together again....."and with all my heart i'm sure, we're closer than we ever were.  i don't have to hear or see, i've got all the proof i need....there are more than angels watching over me....i believe".  take care of yourself and let yourself grieve......   ((((((hugs))))))
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: babs on April 10, 2007, 05:18:53 AM
was just wondering does anyone think that dreaming about one that has passed is just a dream or could this be really a way of communicating? I guess I am just hoping. I had a dream but could not make out what was said everything was fuzzy.
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Jean on April 10, 2007, 06:52:51 AM
Hi Babs:
I truly believe it is a way that our loved ones can communicate. My daughter, age 9, had a dream about my sister (her aunt) not long after she passed. My sister had come to her in a church and told her that she was sick for a while but is alright now and happy. I just know in my heart that this was her communicating to us that she was in heaven.

Jeannie
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: rachel on April 30, 2007, 06:13:43 PM
Deeply I'm sorry. I can share with you Isaiah 33:24 "No resident will say: 'I am sick.' This will come true very soon and you will be able to see your sister again. God has promise.
                                Rachel
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: jazzgirl on May 03, 2007, 01:50:22 PM
I lost my brother Jan. 1 of last year. It is definately a numbness state that you are in. Mine lasted for a few months. It is still an emotional roller coaster ride. Just know there is light at the end of the tunnel. 
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: wings on May 29, 2007, 10:27:35 PM
dear babs i understand the pain you feel i lost my sister only 3 months ago, my sister commited suicide. sometimes the pain is unbearable, we all greive differently but parts of grief are similar. it helps to know others are feeling the same sort of feelings that you are experiencing especially as your loss is so raw. be kind to yourself, sending you healing thoughts from australia
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Autumn Leaves on June 17, 2007, 08:27:29 AM
My cousin died of MS and know she's in a place where her body is whole and she's with others who've gone before her. While her physical presence is gone, we all know she's still in our hearts. She is talked about at family gatherings and her memory is honored.

I think dreams are a link to our subconscious and our loved ones contact our subconscious. We are also more aware of things then when we don't face distractions from everything else going on around us. I personally think the spirit of our loved one is always with us and often looking out for us. I know my Gramma's there and keeping an eye on me and is available whenever I call for her.
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: griefstruck on June 29, 2007, 02:34:24 PM
Hello there,

I understand your grief, I also lost my sister 2 years back and the pain is still kinda raw...But yeah, as everyone says, you start living with it...

Dreams...I dont know, I dream of my sis every night...Sometimes, she is really happy, at other times, I see myself doing things together..its all really nice..but when I wake up, I yearn for her..just to talk to her once...ask her if she is fine...

so, may be, dreams are a way to communicate.. or may be not.. but they make me closer to my sister...
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: yellowsunshine on July 08, 2007, 09:25:08 AM
I lost my sister December 30th. She was 41 years old and my best friend. I I still feel a horrible feeling of loss. She was found in the driveway seizing. She had a ruptured brain aneurysm.  I lost my oldest son 4 years ago in a car accident, and like you wonder how to deal with the grief. Talking about how you feel and about the ones you love/loss helps. Remembering. As time goes on the feelings are still there, but they don't feel as consuming. At least that's what I have felt after losing my son.  It sure isn't easy...but somehow we go on... :(
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: hez on July 08, 2007, 07:12:11 PM
First off, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my sister, my only sibling, on April 14th, 2006 to a massive heart attack.  It was at 3:30am and by God's grand design my family and myself were staying there while my mother-in-law was having major surgery not far from her house.  She was 37 years old.  So I was awoke by my brother-in-law telling me he needed my help and shortly after we lost her while doing CPR.  Her two children and my two children watched.  Though the post traumatic stress has been unbearable at times Grief has been overwhelming as well.  My best advice to anyone is to take the time to research what happens to your body physically and emotionally during the process.  I started having panic attacks I think due to seeing her die, but also grief is such a process.....I didn't realize what was normal.  I started feeling like something was wrong with me physically when it was actually just part of the process.  Sudden death I think contributes to the shock factor as well.  The best way I have been able to describe to those who don't know is it is like being HOMESICK.  But it's your life making you feel that way.  Nothing seems right.  Just remember that some of your friends will be at a loss to how to make you feel better.  Some won't call because they don't know what to say.  It hurts, but it isn't intentional. Though you HAVE to go through grief don't let it define you or consume you.  Grief is all your emotions times 100.  When I was sad I was really sad....but when I was mad.....I was enraged.  I hope I have gave you a little insight....I will pray for all of you for all my real strength came from God alone.  Turn to him even if you are angry with him.  He will understand.  Death is about the only thing it's okay to hate.
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Sad Eyes on July 09, 2007, 04:46:29 AM
Yellowsunshine I am so sorry for your losses.  I watched as my parents grieved over the loss of my sister and after my mom passed away my brother was killed and I watched as my dad mourned for him.  No parent should ever have to mourn the loss of a child.................................it really aged my parents after my sister passed away and my dad was never the same after my brother died. Multiple losses only add to the pain and sorrow you feel................you begin the mourning process all over again for your first loss.

Hez, I have used the description of HOMESICK many times when talking to my friends about the loss of my family.  This sad thing about grief is we can never get our loved one back.  You are right about sudden death adding to the stress and shock factor.  I can remember having panic attacks in my own home after my brother was murdered, the suddeness of death takes away our feeling of security.  I am so sorry that you have lost your sister in such a tragic way.

Yellowsunshine and Hez you both are in my prayers.  Let everyone know how you are doing.  We are here is you need a shoulder to lean on.
Title: Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
Post by: Jparks on July 09, 2007, 03:53:53 PM
Know that everyone truly means what they say when their heart goes out to you. Mine does. Lost my little brother last year and some days are devastating while others are peaceful. The pain doesnt seem to go away, but as time goes by you know the pain and learn to confront it I think. Blessings and prayers to you and your family.