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1
Main / Life goes on
« on: August 26, 2009, 08:57:16 AM »
Hi,
It has been awhile since I have been here. The anniversary was August 6. I had plenty of family to help the kids and I through. It was hard, but we all made it through with alot of tears. I have started dating an old friend of 18 years. We both are going through our stuff. He is just going through a divorce and has some stuff going on, but this is a civil divorce. I have not seen many of those. His soon to be ex has a boyfriend and my old friend is dating me and him and I are very happy. The kids are getting along beautifully. They all enjoy each others company. We both feel we have been given a second chance and even think because of the timing that we are finding that miracle in life. The guy from before basically dumped me just as I was reconnecting with my old friend. Obviously, I am now glad that the old boyfriend dumped me. I am much happier now. Thanks for caring and listening. I feel I am coming full circle and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you to all that have helped me on my journey.
Friedgen
It has been awhile since I have been here. The anniversary was August 6. I had plenty of family to help the kids and I through. It was hard, but we all made it through with alot of tears. I have started dating an old friend of 18 years. We both are going through our stuff. He is just going through a divorce and has some stuff going on, but this is a civil divorce. I have not seen many of those. His soon to be ex has a boyfriend and my old friend is dating me and him and I are very happy. The kids are getting along beautifully. They all enjoy each others company. We both feel we have been given a second chance and even think because of the timing that we are finding that miracle in life. The guy from before basically dumped me just as I was reconnecting with my old friend. Obviously, I am now glad that the old boyfriend dumped me. I am much happier now. Thanks for caring and listening. I feel I am coming full circle and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you to all that have helped me on my journey.
Friedgen
2
Main / Re: Life update
« on: June 28, 2009, 04:55:49 PM »
Hi everyone,
I am back. I am doing better now than before. My children do not have many feelings on this, but are glad she is gone. I am just feeling as if she did not pay enough for what she did. It has not been a full year yet since the accident. The rest of probation for her will now be done, no more community service, all that was suppose to be as a punishment for taking my husbands life will be done. It feels like this is not right. It just gets me angry again. She probably died in her sleep, much more peaceful than my husband fighting for his life for seven hours just to lose the fight at age 43. I may sound cold, but it is the way I feel. Thanks for you words and listening to me.
Friedgen
I am back. I am doing better now than before. My children do not have many feelings on this, but are glad she is gone. I am just feeling as if she did not pay enough for what she did. It has not been a full year yet since the accident. The rest of probation for her will now be done, no more community service, all that was suppose to be as a punishment for taking my husbands life will be done. It feels like this is not right. It just gets me angry again. She probably died in her sleep, much more peaceful than my husband fighting for his life for seven hours just to lose the fight at age 43. I may sound cold, but it is the way I feel. Thanks for you words and listening to me.
Friedgen
3
Main / Life update
« on: June 28, 2009, 08:13:59 AM »
Hi everyone,
I do not have very long, so I will make it quick. Last night, I found out that the women who killed my husband is dead, not even a year after taking my husbands life. I have very mixed feelings. I am going to pick up my kids, and will be telling them and the rest of the family the news. I am sure it will give some closure to my children, I think, I hope. I will probably come back later, since I have many emotions with this. Thank you for listening. Peace to everyone here.
Friedgen
I do not have very long, so I will make it quick. Last night, I found out that the women who killed my husband is dead, not even a year after taking my husbands life. I have very mixed feelings. I am going to pick up my kids, and will be telling them and the rest of the family the news. I am sure it will give some closure to my children, I think, I hope. I will probably come back later, since I have many emotions with this. Thank you for listening. Peace to everyone here.
Friedgen
4
Main / Re: Strength from grief
« on: June 22, 2009, 08:54:59 AM »
Kevin,
I am sooo sorry for what you are going through. Your strength and insite are amazing and profound to me. I had an incredibly hard time on father's day, being the first one without my husband. I felt sooo jealous of those that had their father's and those father's that were able to be with their children. I wept at my husbands grave that day. Those last lines are a reminder to me why I can not let the grief take control. I know my husband would expect me to win this battle. I am wishing you the best in this new battle. Take care.
Kay,
I am sooo sorry you are still hurting sooo bad. I know the feeling of wanting someone there to help you through it. I know I have my new dating friend, but I also realize the difference between the caring from him and the irreplaceable love from my husband, which I still ache for. Anyways, there may still be someone that will come and care for you in addition to the people here that care so much. Take care of yourself and I am sending ((((hugs)))) your way.
Friedgen
I am sooo sorry for what you are going through. Your strength and insite are amazing and profound to me. I had an incredibly hard time on father's day, being the first one without my husband. I felt sooo jealous of those that had their father's and those father's that were able to be with their children. I wept at my husbands grave that day. Those last lines are a reminder to me why I can not let the grief take control. I know my husband would expect me to win this battle. I am wishing you the best in this new battle. Take care.
Kay,
I am sooo sorry you are still hurting sooo bad. I know the feeling of wanting someone there to help you through it. I know I have my new dating friend, but I also realize the difference between the caring from him and the irreplaceable love from my husband, which I still ache for. Anyways, there may still be someone that will come and care for you in addition to the people here that care so much. Take care of yourself and I am sending ((((hugs)))) your way.
Friedgen
5
Main / Re: 1 year anniversary just around the corner
« on: June 19, 2009, 06:27:50 AM »
Thank you everyone for your helpful and kind words. It is nice to see that there are people who understand my mixed emotions. I also want to send out (((hugs)))) to Kay. You can have a hug whenever you need it. Thank you again. I hope we all can find some peace in the days ahead.
Friedgen
Friedgen
6
Main / 1 year anniversary just around the corner
« on: June 18, 2009, 11:27:42 AM »
Hi everyone,
It has been a little while since I last came here. Most of you know I started to date someone. He is not as eager to get rid of me as my husbands family was hoping. He still wants to spend time with me and does not seem to be with anyone else. That is what he told me. Some of my friends got a chance to meet him and thought he was nice, genuine and respectful. I do not know what will happen next, but I know it could end at any time. The wierd thing is that things seem to be going ok with that, but I am still finding myself so sad for my husband and wanting my old life back. I am still having times when I just want to runaway and be with my husband. I know better, but it still hurts so bad sometimes. I have been thinking about my husband alot with fathers day just this weekend coming up and the 1 year anniversary on Aug. 6. Last night the kids wanted to see home videos. We looked at a x-mas one with my kids being younger and sooo cute. My husband was in the video and you could see the love he had for his children and the wonderful family happiness we had when we were together with our kids. Then, last night I had a dream were I was looking for my husband and everyone told me he was gone. In the dream I did not believe them and would not stop looking for him. Then it hurt sooo much when I woke up. The grief counselor said that my grief for my husband is colliding with my feelings for the guy I am dating. I am still feeling so much guilt and even angry at my husband for leaving even though he fought with everything he had. I hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel after this anniversary. Thank you for listening. I hope others are finding some peace. Good luck to everyone on this unwanted journey.
Friedgen
It has been a little while since I last came here. Most of you know I started to date someone. He is not as eager to get rid of me as my husbands family was hoping. He still wants to spend time with me and does not seem to be with anyone else. That is what he told me. Some of my friends got a chance to meet him and thought he was nice, genuine and respectful. I do not know what will happen next, but I know it could end at any time. The wierd thing is that things seem to be going ok with that, but I am still finding myself so sad for my husband and wanting my old life back. I am still having times when I just want to runaway and be with my husband. I know better, but it still hurts so bad sometimes. I have been thinking about my husband alot with fathers day just this weekend coming up and the 1 year anniversary on Aug. 6. Last night the kids wanted to see home videos. We looked at a x-mas one with my kids being younger and sooo cute. My husband was in the video and you could see the love he had for his children and the wonderful family happiness we had when we were together with our kids. Then, last night I had a dream were I was looking for my husband and everyone told me he was gone. In the dream I did not believe them and would not stop looking for him. Then it hurt sooo much when I woke up. The grief counselor said that my grief for my husband is colliding with my feelings for the guy I am dating. I am still feeling so much guilt and even angry at my husband for leaving even though he fought with everything he had. I hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel after this anniversary. Thank you for listening. I hope others are finding some peace. Good luck to everyone on this unwanted journey.
Friedgen
7
Main / My new life, positive thinking and reality
« on: June 05, 2009, 05:03:22 AM »
Hi everyone,
Thank you to everyone for your insight, advice and caring. I thought I would update those who are interested. Turns out being a little positive paid off. The guy I have been dating called last night and so I took the opportunity to put my thoughts out there for him to absorb. I also mentioned that I noticed when he was eyeing that other woman on the way to the bathroom. Turns out he was just doing the guy thing, but maybe now that I said something he might think twice about doing that in front of me. Turns out my gut feeling was right. I did not think he was saying he wanted to move on and it turns out that I am right. He is content being with just me and understands that I will not play second best to the next pretty face that comes along. He said it was not about being with someone else and he just is feeling like he has to spend every weekend with me because we have seen each other once a week since we met. I told him that I do not expect to spend every weekend with him because we both have busy lives and sometimes there are other priorities and that is just how life works. I also told him that if he needed space that was just fine. I told him that I do not expect him to change his life, plan our future or even fall in love with me, just take the time to get to know me, but that if he chooses to be with someone else tell me so I can move on. I told him I thought dating more than one guy at a time will send a bad message to my daughter and son, especially my 14year daughter who is entering highschool next year. He understood my thinking and told me that I do not have to sell myself to him. Anyways, I think I made myself clear and he does seem to like me. However, I realize that I do not know the future and I do not want to know the future. If this does not work out it will hurt but I have survived the worst in losing my husband so suddenly. I will stay true to myself and continue to remember what a great love I was given and know that, if that is the only true love I have in my life that is ok. I know someday my husband will be there to hold me again when my time comes. I will try to live a good life for me and my kids, and my wonderful husband for the time being. Thank you again. I will try to stop worrying so much and mellow out a little bit. I think alot of this is coming from the 1yr. anniversary coming up on Aug.6. How I wish I could bring my husband back and have the life that I had. Thank you again. I hope everyone here can find some peace in their day. (((Hugs))) to everyone.
Friedgen
Thank you to everyone for your insight, advice and caring. I thought I would update those who are interested. Turns out being a little positive paid off. The guy I have been dating called last night and so I took the opportunity to put my thoughts out there for him to absorb. I also mentioned that I noticed when he was eyeing that other woman on the way to the bathroom. Turns out he was just doing the guy thing, but maybe now that I said something he might think twice about doing that in front of me. Turns out my gut feeling was right. I did not think he was saying he wanted to move on and it turns out that I am right. He is content being with just me and understands that I will not play second best to the next pretty face that comes along. He said it was not about being with someone else and he just is feeling like he has to spend every weekend with me because we have seen each other once a week since we met. I told him that I do not expect to spend every weekend with him because we both have busy lives and sometimes there are other priorities and that is just how life works. I also told him that if he needed space that was just fine. I told him that I do not expect him to change his life, plan our future or even fall in love with me, just take the time to get to know me, but that if he chooses to be with someone else tell me so I can move on. I told him I thought dating more than one guy at a time will send a bad message to my daughter and son, especially my 14year daughter who is entering highschool next year. He understood my thinking and told me that I do not have to sell myself to him. Anyways, I think I made myself clear and he does seem to like me. However, I realize that I do not know the future and I do not want to know the future. If this does not work out it will hurt but I have survived the worst in losing my husband so suddenly. I will stay true to myself and continue to remember what a great love I was given and know that, if that is the only true love I have in my life that is ok. I know someday my husband will be there to hold me again when my time comes. I will try to live a good life for me and my kids, and my wonderful husband for the time being. Thank you again. I will try to stop worrying so much and mellow out a little bit. I think alot of this is coming from the 1yr. anniversary coming up on Aug.6. How I wish I could bring my husband back and have the life that I had. Thank you again. I hope everyone here can find some peace in their day. (((Hugs))) to everyone.
Friedgen
8
Main / Re: My new life, reality hits again
« on: June 03, 2009, 06:15:23 AM »
Thank you to all of you for your care and concern,
I will be honest, because I know I will not be judged here. There was a definite attraction between the two of us and yes we were affectionate with each other. But understand that did not take away the longing for my husband or the love I still have for him. I just do not believe in being affectionate and treating someone like they are something special and then doing that another night with some one else. If he gives me affection and treats me like I am special, especially the affection part, and then does the same with someone else the next night, that is a sign of disrespect to me. It makes me feel second best. I know I am worth being the one and only when I am with someone even if it does not mean a future. Just respect for me in the moment we are in. Thanks for listening.
Friedgen
I will be honest, because I know I will not be judged here. There was a definite attraction between the two of us and yes we were affectionate with each other. But understand that did not take away the longing for my husband or the love I still have for him. I just do not believe in being affectionate and treating someone like they are something special and then doing that another night with some one else. If he gives me affection and treats me like I am special, especially the affection part, and then does the same with someone else the next night, that is a sign of disrespect to me. It makes me feel second best. I know I am worth being the one and only when I am with someone even if it does not mean a future. Just respect for me in the moment we are in. Thanks for listening.
Friedgen
9
Main / Re: My new life, reality hits again
« on: June 02, 2009, 06:15:52 AM »
Thank you everyone,
I do not think it is this man as much as it is him reminding me that I had a man that loved me with all his heart and soul. I so miss what I had and what was taken. It brings back all the sadness and loss. I have more lawyer stuff to do, father's day is coming up and the 1year anniversary. I am feeling overwhelmed again and thinking about asking my grief counselor about an anti-depressant. I have tried to be so strong, but feel like I am drowning and could crash. I do not want to do that because I love my children and want to be a good mom and make my deceased husband proud. I am also angry that I now know that I can care again and show this man how to trust in another person and show him how real caring can give you so much more happiness than going from girlfriend to girlfriend every 2 months. Thanks for listening. I feel like I need my friends so badly to survive this.
Friedgen
I do not think it is this man as much as it is him reminding me that I had a man that loved me with all his heart and soul. I so miss what I had and what was taken. It brings back all the sadness and loss. I have more lawyer stuff to do, father's day is coming up and the 1year anniversary. I am feeling overwhelmed again and thinking about asking my grief counselor about an anti-depressant. I have tried to be so strong, but feel like I am drowning and could crash. I do not want to do that because I love my children and want to be a good mom and make my deceased husband proud. I am also angry that I now know that I can care again and show this man how to trust in another person and show him how real caring can give you so much more happiness than going from girlfriend to girlfriend every 2 months. Thanks for listening. I feel like I need my friends so badly to survive this.
Friedgen
10
Main / My new life, reality hits again
« on: June 01, 2009, 07:45:43 AM »
Hi everyone,
It has been awhile since I have been here. Last time I was here I had talked about someone that I was dating and how he was very nice and respectful and really seemed to care about me. Well, he is still all those things but we had a serious talk on our last date. He seems to think that I am feeling more commitment than him. He said he did not want to hurt me because I have been through so much. He told me that I was beautiful, fun to be with very nice and that he enjoyed my company and likes me very much. Than he told me that if I dated other guys he would be ok with that. He also told me that if I ended it he would be bothered, but would ultimately be ok. Than when we were out he followed some girl with his eyes while she was walking to the bathroom. To be honest, I do not think he even noticed that I saw. He told me that he did not love me and could not tell me that. I just looked at him and said of course you can not say that, it has only been two months. I told him that I was not looking for someone to love me, just care about me. I have always told him that I was not looking for love or another marriage, but I do not think I can handle the concept of him being with me one night and then giving that kind of attention to someone else on another night. I have started to care about him. We talked about the anger that he has towards his ex-wife. He said it was still very fresh after two years and that he is the one that actually tried in marriage counseling. He also said he has not addressed the anger since the divorce. He just keeps up the wall. I told him that I know I am worth loving because I had a husband that proved that he loved me and that there could be no one else. I told this guy that when someone comes along that could love him that he would miss it, because once he cares about someone he lets them go. I guess I thought he would give me a chance because he knows that I loved only one man for the last eighteen years. I am hurting alot, but have support from my friends and kids. Plus the 1 year anniversary is coming up on Aug. 6th. This guy really stinks in his timing. Thanks for listening. I am trying to find the strength and still hoping for a miracle.
Friedgen
It has been awhile since I have been here. Last time I was here I had talked about someone that I was dating and how he was very nice and respectful and really seemed to care about me. Well, he is still all those things but we had a serious talk on our last date. He seems to think that I am feeling more commitment than him. He said he did not want to hurt me because I have been through so much. He told me that I was beautiful, fun to be with very nice and that he enjoyed my company and likes me very much. Than he told me that if I dated other guys he would be ok with that. He also told me that if I ended it he would be bothered, but would ultimately be ok. Than when we were out he followed some girl with his eyes while she was walking to the bathroom. To be honest, I do not think he even noticed that I saw. He told me that he did not love me and could not tell me that. I just looked at him and said of course you can not say that, it has only been two months. I told him that I was not looking for someone to love me, just care about me. I have always told him that I was not looking for love or another marriage, but I do not think I can handle the concept of him being with me one night and then giving that kind of attention to someone else on another night. I have started to care about him. We talked about the anger that he has towards his ex-wife. He said it was still very fresh after two years and that he is the one that actually tried in marriage counseling. He also said he has not addressed the anger since the divorce. He just keeps up the wall. I told him that I know I am worth loving because I had a husband that proved that he loved me and that there could be no one else. I told this guy that when someone comes along that could love him that he would miss it, because once he cares about someone he lets them go. I guess I thought he would give me a chance because he knows that I loved only one man for the last eighteen years. I am hurting alot, but have support from my friends and kids. Plus the 1 year anniversary is coming up on Aug. 6th. This guy really stinks in his timing. Thanks for listening. I am trying to find the strength and still hoping for a miracle.
Friedgen
11
Main / Re: Trying not to be bitter about life.....
« on: May 29, 2009, 11:24:16 AM »
Sun Lilly,
I know how hard it is not to be bitter. It has been 10 mths. on the 6th of this month. Aug. 6 is the anniversary date of when my husband was taken by a careless driver while on his motorcycle coming home. I still have moments of being bitter with the women who took my husbands life. Through these months, I have learned to try and let go of my bitterness, so I can enjoy my children and get back to life like I know my husband would want. I still get very anxious and even have times when I ask why wasn't I taken instead because my husband was so much stronger than me. I remind myself to try and get away from those thoughts so my kids can have a healthy and strong mom, and therefore a future of happiness and promise. It is a continuous battle that only eases with time, but never ends. Somewhere down the line we find the strength to fight it. Never give up the fight against grief. We have one life and we have to live it for ourselves and the people that love us here and on the other side. I hope the support of the people here can help you through this horrible journey that none of us asked for.
Friedgen
I know how hard it is not to be bitter. It has been 10 mths. on the 6th of this month. Aug. 6 is the anniversary date of when my husband was taken by a careless driver while on his motorcycle coming home. I still have moments of being bitter with the women who took my husbands life. Through these months, I have learned to try and let go of my bitterness, so I can enjoy my children and get back to life like I know my husband would want. I still get very anxious and even have times when I ask why wasn't I taken instead because my husband was so much stronger than me. I remind myself to try and get away from those thoughts so my kids can have a healthy and strong mom, and therefore a future of happiness and promise. It is a continuous battle that only eases with time, but never ends. Somewhere down the line we find the strength to fight it. Never give up the fight against grief. We have one life and we have to live it for ourselves and the people that love us here and on the other side. I hope the support of the people here can help you through this horrible journey that none of us asked for.
Friedgen
12
Main / Re: Living
« on: May 18, 2009, 06:38:53 AM »
Everything said is so profound and true. Those words really make you think. I find myself still struggling with the past with my husband and allowing myself to enjoy the present with the really nice guy I am dating and still worrying about the future. When I will see him again, or get a phone call and have a way to escape my reality of what is. I am hoping that at some point I can make peace with it all. I wish I knew when. I know that is not possible so I just keep trying to get through one day at a time. So much easier said than done. Thanks for listening.
Friedgen
Friedgen
13
Main / Re: My Mothers day gift
« on: May 13, 2009, 05:05:31 AM »
What a wonderful gift. I am so impressed that through all this grief you can show us how lucky we are to have our kids. They will always be a part of us and the one we loved. You are a great mom. Happy belated birthday and mothers day.
Friedgen
Friedgen
14
Main / Re: My sister in law said something stupid to me on Mother's Day, of all things?
« on: May 11, 2009, 09:43:00 AM »
Hi everyone,
I had a chance to have a heart to heart with my sister in law. When she told me this last night, she was referring to a fight she had with my brother in law shortly after the accident. He kept telling her that she killed his brother(my husband). After hearing it for the third time she snapped, which is why she said such a horrible thing. I told her that I still thought that was an incredibly bad choice and she should have walked away. After talking a while she did say she regretted her choice and would do it differently if she could. She also pointed out that the tempers and emotions were running high and how we all can say the most hurtful things in anger. She said she was not trying to hurt me and did not want my husband gone. Her emotions got the best of her and she apologized to me. I told her that I did not want bad feelings between us. I love her like a real sister and she is one of my anchors through all of this. We both commented on how this grief just grabs you up at times and sends you on a ride you do not want. It was 9 months on the 6th of this month and this family is still hurting soooo badly. I hope we get a reprieve soon. Thank you again for listening.
Friedgen
I had a chance to have a heart to heart with my sister in law. When she told me this last night, she was referring to a fight she had with my brother in law shortly after the accident. He kept telling her that she killed his brother(my husband). After hearing it for the third time she snapped, which is why she said such a horrible thing. I told her that I still thought that was an incredibly bad choice and she should have walked away. After talking a while she did say she regretted her choice and would do it differently if she could. She also pointed out that the tempers and emotions were running high and how we all can say the most hurtful things in anger. She said she was not trying to hurt me and did not want my husband gone. Her emotions got the best of her and she apologized to me. I told her that I did not want bad feelings between us. I love her like a real sister and she is one of my anchors through all of this. We both commented on how this grief just grabs you up at times and sends you on a ride you do not want. It was 9 months on the 6th of this month and this family is still hurting soooo badly. I hope we get a reprieve soon. Thank you again for listening.
Friedgen
15
Main / My sister in law said something stupid to me on Mother's Day, of all things?
« on: May 11, 2009, 05:26:14 AM »
Hi everyone,
I am sooo mad, I can barely type. Mother's Day was tough, but my sister in law really screwed it up for me. What in the hell. Later in the evening I was riding back to my house with just my sister in law, I and a mutual friend. We passed the sight of the accident on the way home and my sister in law started talking about the last fight her and my brother in law had before the sentencing. She told me what she said to my brother in law (my husbands brother). When they were fighting and he wouldn't respond to her, she said she was glad that my husband, his brother was dead, she claims he kept accusing her of killing his brother because of an incident the night before the accident. Then she told me that she did not regret it because it got to her husband, my brother in law. Then she tells me that she did not mean it and loved my husband, but still did not regret telling her husband (my husbands brother) that. It blew me out of the water. I know she has anger issues, but how incredibly disrespectful to my husbands memory and me his wife sitting right there. She actually expected me to be sympathetic to her and understand. What a joke. I called the guy I am dating and he was so wonderful. He said that was unacceptable and I should tell her off and tell my brother in law about it. He is already planning on divorcing her. I was all for keeping the marriage together until last night. I need your help. This is eating me up inside and I feel like I might explode. When will this hell end? Thank you for listening.
Friedgen
I am sooo mad, I can barely type. Mother's Day was tough, but my sister in law really screwed it up for me. What in the hell. Later in the evening I was riding back to my house with just my sister in law, I and a mutual friend. We passed the sight of the accident on the way home and my sister in law started talking about the last fight her and my brother in law had before the sentencing. She told me what she said to my brother in law (my husbands brother). When they were fighting and he wouldn't respond to her, she said she was glad that my husband, his brother was dead, she claims he kept accusing her of killing his brother because of an incident the night before the accident. Then she told me that she did not regret it because it got to her husband, my brother in law. Then she tells me that she did not mean it and loved my husband, but still did not regret telling her husband (my husbands brother) that. It blew me out of the water. I know she has anger issues, but how incredibly disrespectful to my husbands memory and me his wife sitting right there. She actually expected me to be sympathetic to her and understand. What a joke. I called the guy I am dating and he was so wonderful. He said that was unacceptable and I should tell her off and tell my brother in law about it. He is already planning on divorcing her. I was all for keeping the marriage together until last night. I need your help. This is eating me up inside and I feel like I might explode. When will this hell end? Thank you for listening.
Friedgen