Why Go On

[tsurandy]

I guess my biggest question of late, is with the pain I have, why would I go on?

[kevinjj]

My wife would not have wanted me to experience as much hurt as I did and she would have wanted me to continue of living, even though it can still hurt without her. I'm sure it would be the same with your Mother, she would want you to continue on even though it seems impossible to do. The absence just be totally devastating sometimes. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.

[Donna B.]

Tsurandy(texas)
   I read you post and I am so sad. I just wish I had the words to help you through this. Your mom would want you to go on. You must for her. I know you have things to do and you will get through this. Work and also going to your home and working on it. Just know there are people who care. Even If I do live in Ok. Take care of yourself and I promise the pain will become less, it will never go way it will just not hurt as much. You are in my thoughts and I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. Donna(Okie)

[Luvinmike]

Dear tsurandy;
   i know we all feel this way sometimes. Sometimes to help myself i think of it as swimming upstream, or going against the wind- it is hard but not impossible. You can do it. I get very low, but then i think of ways to assure my husband's legacy will live on in a respectful way. Like making a donation in his name. Eventually we will be having fundraisers to help low income kids in our city play baseball w/ equipment and a field. I don't know how long this will take, but just the idea of something good in his honor helps me swim upstream and go to damn work every day and deal with dumb annoying stuff we all have to deal with. Plus I make small memorials for him, like a photo and card to mail out to one of his old friends. It is not the answer, but it can help a little. Just know we are here for you. So sorry you are hurting so deeply. You are not alone. Also hope this helps, but when i am getting swallowed up by it all, i go outside- it seems to help a bit. let us know. Your friend Terri

[laurenE]

tsurandy,

Why go on?  Because as long as you are alive,  so is your mother.  It is our responsibility to carry on the special traits and traditions of our loved ones, to "pay them forward" , to keep them going from one generation to another.

Why go on? Because its not your time. 

Ive asked the same questions after my mother died.  I do know the deep deep pain of grief.   I wondered why I should go on 6ys ago when I lost her suddenly.   But I am so glad I kept on.   
That pain does not stay as deep as it feels right now.   I honest to God thought it would.  But thankfully it didnt.   

Keep on keeping on and make your mother proud. 

[tsurandy]

Thanks to each of your for the support, I know i have to go on, its been a depressing couple of days, Mom and I had just bought our dream house (it needed some work) she spent only 2 nights in it, sleeping in her recliner, then she was in the hospital 7 weeks and passed away.  I am finalizing the work on the house, I did it all the way we had talked about.  I guess I just think how unfair it is, that she is not here.  I will be okay, I will go on.  I pray for everyone who has experienced this pain.

[kevinjj]

It seems impossible that they are gone and the void left does not fill very easily and much of what we do seems pointless but after a while, some of life's meaning and worth returns and the raw, sharp edges of the void smooth out and it slowly fills. We are always left with a hole in our heart and slowly as we age, more little holes will be there, never 100% healed. It seems life is really about how we deal with loss at many levels and not just that of a close loved one. Early on after the death of my wife, I hated any kind of change in my life in any way - it was like another form of death I had to deal with and I didn't want to have to deal with it.

[georgiapeaches]

I feel like if it wasnt for my kids I couldnt go on, especially on days I feel down like this. But I guess I have no choice, my husband would  probably tell me to stop whining. But it is so hard when it hurts this much. My prayers are with you and I hope you find comfort.

Georgia.

[Irene]

Hi Tsurandy,
   I read your note, and knew that I had to reply. On November 2nd, it will be four years since my mother passed away suddenly. On the day that she died and for a long time afterward, I had no idea how I could ever go on. She was one of my closest friends, and certainly my strongest supporter. I loved her with all of my heart. The next year especially was incredibly difficult. I would come here virtually every day, and tearfully write my feelings out. There were always understanding people here, and I
listenned to what advice they gave.
   Now that the four year anniversary is approaching, I find the familiar memories of those last few days playing again and again in my mind.
   I have to tell you that it does get better. I found that I am a changed person as a result of my mom's passing. I will always miss her. Not a day will go by, that I don't think of her. On the other hand, there is still joy in this life and happiness to be found. I have done some travelling with my family this summer, and had a wonderful time. Four years ago, I could not have imagined that I could still have days where I would smile.
    I miss my mom, and always will. I will still have days of sadness, especially now, but I also know that I will make it through this time. My mother would have wanted this for me, and certainly your mother would want this for you.
   There will come a time when you will be able to do a little bit more, and find it a bit easier, and as time goes by those days will become more plentiful. I wish you the best, but know that we are here to listen at any time.

   
   

[MommysPreciousAngel]

Tsurandy, I know how you feel.  I also wonder why go on.  It's not just my mom, but a few things, and losses of others too.  These days everytime I lose something, or argue with a friend, it is like another loss.  I miss even those that are still alive.
And when I read the posts of people who are still missing their moms and feeling sad after four or six years, it makes me want to run away, because I cannot imagine carrying this feeling for all those years, even though they say it gets better. 
I look at my little baby daughter and know my mom will never watch her grow up, and she is not there for the advice I will surely need, and I have so many regrets, but I also do know that she conditioned me, sacrificed years and years and many things, to bring me to adulthood, to be a person who would make her proud, and I know I did, she told me many times.  Now, I guess, I have to continue to be that person, even though losing her has left me a changed person, and for now, an empty person with very little to offer anyone else at this stage.  Right now it is all about me, my feelings, my pain, and I don't really care about anyone else - except ones who have lost as I have, who feel what I do.  These are the only people I really relate to right now.  You guys, here.
I have gotten a new job, starting 3 November, and to them I am a stable whole person, but to me, it's all a front.  They have no idea how broken I really am inside, how empty, how hollow.  But for my mom, eventually, I will try to come back, to be me again.  But right now, I WANT to mourn my mom, I want to be empty.  It hurts less. 
I hope the house is coming along nicely, and I know what you mean, if you look around and she's not there to see what you've done, the things you've planned together.  It's so sad, I am so sorry.  Let's just hope it gets better.
Take care.  Tammy