Author Topic: Am I numb, in denial?  (Read 179 times)

BLW

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Am I numb, in denial?
« on: September 17, 2018, 08:16:56 AM »
Hi. I lost my husband early July, 2018. We were together 20 years and he fought a good fight with cancer for 14 months.  My job allowed me to stay home and take care of him his last 3 months. For that I will be eternally grateful. As I was taking care of him, I pushed my feelings back, and just did what had to be done. Now that he is gone, I don't feel like I am dealing with things like I should.  I have always been able to talk about him without breaking down, like most people do who lose someone close to them.  I wonder if I am numb or in some kind of denial, or maybe since I pushed my feelings aside for so long, they just haven't resurfaced yet. I don't have the desire to go anywhere or do anything besides stay at home with my 2 dogs.  I did go back to work 1 week after he passed, so I do have connection with people there. I am starting grief counseling this week per my doctors recommendation since I lost my Dad 6 months before my husband.  Didn't get to mourn for him due to taking care of my husband. I do write in a journal what I feel occasionally. I read a lot of the posts already, and maybe I am more normal than I thought.  Everyone thinks I am so strong, they just don't understand it's a front I put on. I miss my best friend so much. I know this post is all over the place, but that is how my mind is now.