Author Topic: Writing a journal  (Read 288 times)

jmorm53

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Writing a journal
« on: July 09, 2018, 05:59:29 PM »
My wife of 43 yrs. passed May 29th of ovarian cancer. She fought hard for 2 yrs. 2 operations and a couple of rounds of chemo. One morning, 3 weeks before she passed as I was leaving for work, she asked me to stay home with her. I called my employer that morning and arranged a leave of absence. I stayed with her until she passed, I am so glad that I was able to spent that time with her til the end.
I have never hurt or cried this much in my life. I wake up in the morning thinking of her , I think of her all day, go to bed at night with her on my mind. I still can't believe that she's not there when I wake up in the morning, and she won't be there when I get home from work. 
It was 3 more weeks after she left that I went back to work.
I miss sitting holding her hand and talking about our day, so I started writing to her most every night before bed, just a page about the days events.
My life just doesn't have a lot of meaning anymore. I've read a couple of grief books, and they say most of these feelings are normal at this stage, nothing seems normal anymore, They say these feeling will lessen in time, that the pain will subside, that seems unrealistic right now.
For now I will keep writing to her in my journal and try to keep my sanity.

MichelleLeah

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Re: Writing a journal
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2018, 07:17:53 PM »
So sorry for the loss of your wife. Journaling sounds like a good idea. I may need to try it also. My husband passed away in early May from Leukemia. I was able to be home with him from late February until he passed. At one time he told me I should go back to work so I wasn't missing so much, but I knew that I would never regret missing work to be with him. Being able to take care of him through his illness was everything to me. He had spent almost 20 years taking care of me and I couldn't even come close to paying him back, but I was with him for everything. The treatment was so tough on him and he fought for over a year.
As much as it was exhausting working full time and taking care of him, I miss it so much and would love to be doing it still. I wouldn't wish for him to be sick again, but I really wish I could have him here with me. It feels so wrong to not be taking care of him anymore.
I also understand what you mean about life having no meaning. I have lost every single dream I ever had because he was a part of all of them. I need to start over and I don't have any urge to. It is very difficult to find enjoyment in anything and any dream I can come up with seems pointless without him.
I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I hope it gets easier eventually for me and you.

JustMark

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Re: Writing a journal
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2018, 09:05:34 PM »
Hi Jmorm, and MichelleLeah, I know it seems kind of late for me to be posting but somehow or other time got away from me as up until about a month ago I was coming on here fairly regularly. I'm sorry for your loss. I was devastated when Gina had passed last year and I was only with her for 10 years and I can only imagine how you must feel. I myself hadn't used journalism but I have heard others say how helpful it was for them. So it sounds like it may not be a bad idea I'm giving it serious consideration myself as I have had a new development I'll be discussing in another thread in here that has me a little perplexed I'll be seeking guidance on that others maybe willing to contribute should they care to.

MichelleLeah and Jmorm, what I did that helped me a lot was I started relearning guitar about a month after Gina passed. It really had been decades since I had played. In some respects it's similar to journaling if you look at it over all and instead of writing what you are feeling or experiencing and using the writing of melodies or learning songs that help you describe or express yourself if you can understand I'm taking sort of an overall approach in looking at this as I described you will find it very helpful. As time goes on and you get more involved in it you will have opportunities that during the times you feel you may not be growing and healing you will be able to go back and see how you were at a point in the grieving process and see the growth and healing that you couldn't see otherwise and maybe see something in yourself you missed or over looked back then and document that as well.