Author Topic: Death of My Spouse  (Read 226 times)

Caspercat

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Death of My Spouse
« on: March 20, 2018, 09:36:07 AM »
Hello everyone.  I'm not sure where to start.  My 57 year old husband passed away on December 15, 2017 at home after a 7 month battle with cancer.  There haven't been any grief support groups running in my city so I've been trying to get through with reading about grief and trying to keep myself busy.  We were homebodies and spent all of our time together.  3 months after his death I still feel completely lost most days even though I am back to work full time.  Those waves of grief I have read about still hit me when I least expect it. Can anyone offer any suggestions on how to deal with this?

JustMark

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 76
    • View Profile
Re: Death of My Spouse
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2018, 07:29:56 PM »
Hi Caspercat, sorry to hear about your husband. It's hard watching someone you love deteriorate. I know from caring for my disabled wife Gina the last 2 years she was with me and what my dad went trough before he passed in 2001. Even though you know the inevitable out come, you really are still unprepared. Those waves will hit you for a while. I still have my moments and Gina has now been gone a year. Keeping your self busy does help quite a bit. Make shure you are eating and taking care of yourself. You may also find it helpful to get a hobby. When Gina and I first met I played bass in the churches music ministry. Gina asked me why I didn't play lead and I explained I never had an electric 6 string nor ever took the time to learn. So she bought me a Fender Tele for Christmas 2014. I played it during Christmas break but to protect it while I was finishing rehabbing our home  She knew I always wanted one and told me it was time to learn. The guys I hired came back after the Christmas break so I had put it away until I finished our new office in the basement and had the room to set things up. Well in April 2015 she had surgery for her knee but while she was still recuperating in the hospital, the night before she was scheduled to leave she lost the use of her arm. So when we finally got her home I was also busy caring for her as well as continuing on the house. So time went on and March of last year she passed. I regretted that she didn't get to see the house complete or me play the guitar after I had put it up. So April of last year I couldn't get motivated to work on the house but I did dig out that guitar and signed up for classes. Other then a two to three month break for surgery on my back I've been taking care of the house and continuing to practice and relearn guitar. It has helped me quite a bit as there are times when I am playing it I sort of sense she stops in to listen and check on me.  So if you did any hobbies years ago now would be a good time to get back into them.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5903
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Death of My Spouse
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2018, 02:33:21 PM »
((((((Caspercat))))))

Welcome to Webhealing.

Caspercat

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Re: Death of My Spouse
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2018, 09:10:45 AM »
Hi Caspercat, sorry to hear about your husband. It's hard watching someone you love deteriorate. I know from caring for my disabled wife Gina the last 2 years she was with me and what my dad went trough before he passed in 2001. Even though you know the inevitable out come, you really are still unprepared. Those waves will hit you for a while. I still have my moments and Gina has now been gone a year. Keeping your self busy does help quite a bit. Make shure you are eating and taking care of yourself. You may also find it helpful to get a hobby. When Gina and I first met I played bass in the churches music ministry. Gina asked me why I didn't play lead and I explained I never had an electric 6 string nor ever took the time to learn. So she bought me a Fender Tele for Christmas 2014. I played it during Christmas break but to protect it while I was finishing rehabbing our home  She knew I always wanted one and told me it was time to learn. The guys I hired came back after the Christmas break so I had put it away until I finished our new office in the basement and had the room to set things up. Well in April 2015 she had surgery for her knee but while she was still recuperating in the hospital, the night before she was scheduled to leave she lost the use of her arm. So when we finally got her home I was also busy caring for her as well as continuing on the house. So time went on and March of last year she passed. I regretted that she didn't get to see the house complete or me play the guitar after I had put it up. So April of last year I couldn't get motivated to work on the house but I did dig out that guitar and signed up for classes. Other then a two to three month break for surgery on my back I've been taking care of the house and continuing to practice and relearn guitar. It has helped me quite a bit as there are times when I am playing it I sort of sense she stops in to listen and check on me.  So if you did any hobbies years ago now would be a good time to get back into them.


Thank you Mark.  I have in fact pulled out my 12 string guitar and have been working on some knitting projects.  It sure does help to keep the mind occupied in some way.  One day at a time.....

Caspercat

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Re: Death of My Spouse
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2018, 09:11:24 AM »
Thank you for the welcome Terry.