Daily struggle missing both parents

[Unkn0wnAngel]

I lost my mom when I was 14, just entering high school, to pancreatic cancer, she lasted 7 months after her diagnosis. Then 4 years later just after high school graduation I lost my dad to a heart attack. Now I’m 21 about to graduate college in 4 months and I struggle a lot with their loss. All I ever wanted most of my life was to make them proud and I wish they could see me now. I want to tell them so much about my life since it’s been so long and I just want to hear what they have to say. Sometimes I sit and wonder how I’ve got this far without them to talk to. They were such a big part of my life. Thinking about college graduation without them breaks my heart because it’s all they both ever wanted for me. And I wonder how I’ll get through the other major events in my life like getting engaged, married, having children. I do have my boyfriend of 7 years and he’s great but he’s just about all I have and I feel like I put all this pressure on him to be what I need because my parents aren’t here and I’m not close with my family whatsoever. He lost his dad almost 9 years ago at 15 but he’s still got his mom and siblings that he’s close with and I’m an only child. Sometimes it’s all just so hard and overwhelming and I would give anything to see them and talk to them one more time. I don’t really have any friends and those people I do talk to don’t understand at all. Loss is such an incredible experience, someone you’ve known you’re whole life suddenly isn’t there anymore. They don’t exist anymore. I just miss my parents they could be my biggest cheerleaders for the special times in my life and a shoulder to cry on and someone to always go to for advice and someone who was just always there when I was lonely sad or upset. I just don’t have that constant in my life anymore. You’d think after this many years I would’ve come to terms with it. But life without parents sucks. Sucks so bad. And I’m terrified it’s going to affect my ability to be a mother in the future. I’ve always wanted kids but I don’t know how I’m going to handle it since I don’t have parents. Like why did this happen to me. My whole life has been a rough struggle through hell. Why.
Guess I just needed to vent. Thanks to anyone who actually read all this.

[Terry]

((((UnknOwnAngel))))

I'm so sorry to read of the great loss of both of your precious parents. So young to lose two extraordinary people. And I believe that they 'can' see you and that they are with you, always.
With every major event in our lives there is always a sadness when we're unable to share it with those we love. My Mom died when she was 48 and I was young, too. I'll always miss her because I loved her so much. I don't think that missing ever goes away, it just becomes a part of us, a very manageable part of our lives. We bring with us all of the experiences from our loving parents into our future and they continue to mold us into adults.

'You' are proof that your parents existed and all of the love in your heart is because they loved you so much. You are their 'product.'
And when the time comes that you decide to have your own children, you will know in your heart that it's the right time. Take the time to heal your heart, as long as that might take.

Welcome to Webhealing.

Hugs,
Terry

[Lacemaker]

UnknOwnAngel,

[Lacemaker]

UnknOwnAngel, So sorry for your losses. I lost my mom almost a year ago and she was my biggest cheerleader. So I can understand wanting to share these things with them. I believe like terry said they know those good things and are there with us. Ive been going to a grief group and we use a book called undertsanding your grief. It has alot of helpful information in the book and helps you understand you are not alone and we all grieve differntly. If you need a listening ear there are alot of good ears on here. we may not have the answers for you but you will atleast have a sounding board and alot of the times that can be a tremendous help. And you will be surprised as life goes along God will put new people in your life to be there during different season of your life to help you along the way. As for your boyfriend just thank God he is there. And dont worry so much about putting to much on him. Apparently he loves you very much and wants to be there to help you through all of this..your in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to chat you can pm me and ill check in periodocally to see how your doing.