Author Topic: 7 months  (Read 665 times)

Raven2017

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7 months
« on: November 14, 2017, 02:36:37 PM »
Yesterday was 7 months since Jim has been gone.  I am wondering if this EVER gets easier?  I have added so many new activities into my daily routine and there are still so many hours left in the day.  I am ALWAYS thinking about Jim and no matter what I do, I feel so sad.  This is mentally and physically exhausting - the face you put on for everyone else so that they aren't "uncomfortable" and then the real "you" when you're alone.  The saddest part is that if I ever had a problem or was stressed about anything, Jim was the person that I turned to.  He and I talked about pretty much everything...we didn't always agree but we were good sounding boards for each other.  I want to talk to him now so that he can help me understand this but he's gone.  I have good people in my life but no one that comes close to understanding what I have lost with Jim's passing. He was my best friend and I miss him so much.
Sometimes, I find it hard to believe that 7 months have already gone by but then I look at it day by day and this has been the longest 7 months of my life.  I wonder if the rest of my life is going to feel like this?  Only 7 months but I have already had so many firsts - Easter, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, Jim's 60th birthday, all our children's birthdays, our grandchildren's birthdays, Thanksgiving, Halloween.  All without Jim. The problem is that we celebrated so many everyday moments in life that I just can't escape.  I am grateful to have so many wonderful memories but that makes EVERYTHING that happens a "first" without Jim. It is overwhelming. 
I know everyone says to take good care of yourself but how on earth do you sit down and eat a meal all by yourself?  I have tried to eat better, tried different rooms, tried everything.  I don't see the point in cooking for myself and then throwing it away because it feels lonely.  I know I have to get past this but I don't know how.
Just having a bad couple of days....

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: 7 months
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2017, 03:29:10 PM »
Hi Raven,

I don't think it ever feels like it's getting easier especially when we lose someone we love so much. It's a rough road, this grieving. And, I agree with you that it is both mentally and physically exhausting.
Seven months is still very early grief. I don't think the shock really wears off that soon. Try to be patient with you. Your heart, your soul and your body has taken a beating. Jim was so important to you and such a big part of your life. Those harden feelings of great loss don't soften overnight. One day the pain won't sting as badly as it does now and you'll even smile sharing stories about him. For now, take care of you the best you can and know that the pain you're feeling is the result of your love for Jim. We just can't have one without the other.

Hugs,
Terry



JustMark

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Re: 7 months
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2017, 03:23:12 PM »
Hi Raven, sorry I haven't been on or I would have responded sooner but the last few weeks been hectic for me but finally it's settling down so I can get back onto some sort of schedule. I'll mention what all has happened in another thread.

I could be wrong but I don't really think you can view loosing a spouse, parent, child and in some cases very close friends as "getting over it" because you can never really get over it. It's very much a life changing event and we can't out run or hide from our memories. It is such a big life change for us that we have to learn a whole new way of life. So I guess the real question is how do we do this. For me it has been more like a process of acceptance before I could learn my new life. I was constantly being held back until I did accept Gina's passing. Acceptance wasn't easy because I had depended on Gina a whole lot more then I realized while she was here with me. There is a difference between "getting over" and "acceptance" of something you can't change. When I realized I needed to learn acceptance then I could see myself making a little progress each day and I learned from it and from that I learned to do things I never did before or hadn't done in years. I also learned how to be content with where I am in life and could take time to live or enjoy a quiet moment. To heck with what I think with will be doing tonight. I am very much aware of the here and now talking to you.  I can't stop the future. I can plan and adjust as necessary. I also can't change or relive the past. I can learn from it and treasure those lessons or memories but I couldn't until I accepted them. Once I did that I began learning a whole new way of life and learned for the first time how to be content. I can only prepare for the future and accept the past and really I only have the here and now.

In regards to cooking I still really don't do too much of it. No where near like I used to. I cook once or twice a week. But my freezer is full. I have a good bit of things like pot pies, hot pockets and things like that but also left over stuff from when I do cook. A good example of what I mean by that is If I do roasted chicken breast, string beans and box mix scalloped potatoes. I cook like I did when Gina was here and half of what I fix gets frozen. After all the size of the can of string beans didn't shrink nor the box of scalloped potatoes. So just throw on another chicken breast so that I not only have dinner for that night but another night as well. Just pull it from the freezer and heat it is all.