Author Topic: Two months  (Read 61 times)

GreensGal

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 2
    • View Profile
Two months
« on: November 04, 2017, 06:24:37 PM »
It is sad to me how when my husband passed two months ago there were phone calls and visits and people helping with things and I was never alone, and now I feel very alone. The amount of work to keep up our house is overwhelming, as is the paperwork and caring for our pets.  He took care of our finances so that has been very eye opening to have to figure all of these things out.  I work full time and I guess doing everything instead of sharing the work makes me a little frustrated, which I feel guilty for.  My daughter comes on the weekends to help me, but during the week I find myself having "meltdowns" and I just feel like I am a mess.  I don't remember things from one day to the next. 

It is getting colder now, and I miss sitting next to him on the couch and sharing a blanket.  I miss hugs and kisses.  I miss having someone to laugh with and compete with while we watched Jeopardy on tv.  I hate being a widow at 50.  I hate that our daughters won't have him to walk them down the aisle.  I hate my empty house. 

I am trying to find joy in things.  Being with family or having lunch with friends.  It all just sucks, and that is the only word I have for it.   I read some of the other posts and I am wondering, is anyone else as lost as I am, because a lot of others seem to have it together.  I have never experienced a loss this profound.


JustMark

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 55
    • View Profile
Re: Two months
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2017, 11:55:49 PM »
Hi GreensGal, yes it is quite an adjustment and definitely a life changing event. I lost Gina back in March and I wouldn't exactly say I have it together but I have come a long way. No one really stops by anymore. Once in a while my mom will stop by but that's about it. I do some things on the house to keep myself busy and since Gina passed I have taken guitar back up. I have gotten used to being alone with our dogs in the house but I still don't get things done like I used to because like you mentioned I now have to do somethings that Gina always took care of.

I've actually learned quite a bit and this is really the longest I have ever been alone. I still have plenty of fond memories and find myself recalling them through out the day. I think the most important thing I have learned out of everything else is is being content with where I'm at in life. When it came to rehabbing the house I was always trying to do things the way Gina wanted. Don't get me wrong I do miss Gina quite a bit but it's more like I don't need to rush. I can take time during the day and enjoy a happy memory.

Raven2017

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 20
    • View Profile
Re: Two months
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2017, 08:51:51 AM »
Hi GreensGal,
I lost my husband, Jim, suddenly in April and I feel just as lost as you do.  I am a widow at 56. There are good days and bad days, LOTS of meltdowns.  I miss the things that you do, snuggling under the blankets, the hugs, him holding my hand...just the feeling of "safeness" that we created together.  I just miss HIM....My house is SO physically empty but it is still alive with Jim and our memories.  Most days, I am as content at home as I can be with his absence but others I just scream because it's just not fair.  It's a lonely existence right now but you have to find things to occupy yourself...things you didn't do with your husband.  It's hard and it definitely sucks....I have used that word quite often. I think that everyone is just as lost as you. 
When I came to this site, I found someone that had lost their spouse relatively close to me so that I could relate better.  He was extremely helpful and while all of our stories are different, the grief is pretty much the same.  Keep reading, this is a very helpful and caring site.
One thing that I get irrationally angry at is that the world didn't stop when Jim passed away.  It did for me but everyone else just continues on with their lives.  Of course they should but we feel forgotten...we're not.  No one can possibly understand this heartache unless they have gone through it but you have to be grateful for the ones that are there.  I find a lot of comfort in my daughters and my grandchildren but otherwise, I prefer to be alone...you have to find what makes you "comfortable" .