Hi GreensGal,
I lost my husband, Jim, suddenly in April and I feel just as lost as you do. I am a widow at 56. There are good days and bad days, LOTS of meltdowns. I miss the things that you do, snuggling under the blankets, the hugs, him holding my hand...just the feeling of "safeness" that we created together. I just miss HIM....My house is SO physically empty but it is still alive with Jim and our memories. Most days, I am as content at home as I can be with his absence but others I just scream because it's just not fair. It's a lonely existence right now but you have to find things to occupy yourself...things you didn't do with your husband. It's hard and it definitely sucks....I have used that word quite often. I think that everyone is just as lost as you.
When I came to this site, I found someone that had lost their spouse relatively close to me so that I could relate better. He was extremely helpful and while all of our stories are different, the grief is pretty much the same. Keep reading, this is a very helpful and caring site.
One thing that I get irrationally angry at is that the world didn't stop when Jim passed away. It did for me but everyone else just continues on with their lives. Of course they should but we feel forgotten...we're not. No one can possibly understand this heartache unless they have gone through it but you have to be grateful for the ones that are there. I find a lot of comfort in my daughters and my grandchildren but otherwise, I prefer to be alone...you have to find what makes you "comfortable" .