Author Topic: I lost my Son Derek on 6/18/2017  (Read 205 times)

Jules

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I lost my Son Derek on 6/18/2017
« on: September 05, 2017, 07:03:51 AM »
My son died while I was out of town. He died in my kitchen. He was 33, but had several medical problems and was a severe alcoholic. If I had know that he was that sick I would have never left. I have so many unannwered questions that werent answered. No autopsy was performed, and they say it was a heart attack. I just cant seem to accept any of this and my pain is so bad. I cry all of the time.

JustMark

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Re: I lost my Son Derek on 6/18/2017
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2017, 03:14:12 PM »
Jules I'm sorry to hear about your son. I can only imagine the questions running through your mind. That is natural. Don't blame yourself or run through the what if and what could have beens. It will drive you nuts. I don't know what his medical problems were or if they stemmed from his alcoholism or if he died because of the alcoholism. I'm not even sure your staying home would have prevented it at best it may have only postponed it if it was alcohol related. We can only protect them from themselves so much. It sounds like this is a very fresh wound and it's normal for family members to blame themselves when in reality they cannot take responsibility for the alcoholics actions or results of the alcoholics actions.  There is a very good chance that the autopsy wouldn't have revealed anything different at all. What the leading cause of heart attack is a person's life style. That's exactly what my wife Gina died from was heart attack, no autopsy was done and she wasn't an alcoholic and she did have medical problems. Heck with Gina at first I thought it may have been an accidental overdose of her pain meds and I started wondering if I had done something wrong but later after some thought I realized she didn't abuse her medications and she had been on the medications for years and how they were administered hadn't changed either so it wasn't an accidental over dose. So with it being a heart attack how would you staying home prevented it?

Terry

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Re: I lost my Son Derek on 6/18/2017
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2017, 08:56:03 PM »

Jules,

I'm so very sorry that your precious son has died and I understand this pain is unbearable at times. We all do the 'what ifs' and the 'could of and should ofs' but it only complicates an already long road ahead to grieve in a healthy manner. I've been there. We've all been there. Guilt is a monster and an unforgiving one. It takes so much time to forgive ourselves for something we feel we 'should' have done.

I wish I could make your pain go away. But all I have is an ear and a shoulder and an understanding of how devastating it is to lose a child....at any age.
I've buried all three of my children. It's like losing a limb but we always feel the pain of that absent limb.

Sending you hugs, love and my understanding.

Welcome to Webhealing.

Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss