Author Topic: Loss of Son  (Read 392 times)

BonnyLu

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Loss of Son
« on: July 18, 2017, 11:21:04 PM »
My name is Bonnie.  My son, Tom, passed away on February 3, 2017.  He lived with me and was sick for about three and a half years.  On Friday night, Feb. 3rd, he walked into the bathroom and said, " I feel so strange."  He passed out and died.  He was taken swiftly, thank God.  He suffered for months from a brain tumor and Diabetes insipidus and type 2.  Even though it has been 5 months, I feel like it was yesterday.  A part of me died with him.  Today has been such a long, painful day.  Sometimes I go for days without crying and then out of the blue, I just cry and cry and cry.  I feel so panicky, like I will just explode sometimes.  Like I cannot endure it....but I do.

JustMark

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Re: Loss of Son
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2017, 10:08:49 PM »
Bonnie, I'm sorry about your son and I mean that sincerely. I have not lost a child, so I can only imagine the grief you are experiencing is worse then mine. I do have a multiply handicapped that's 32. For my daughter I am scared that she won't go before me.
I lost my wife 4 months ago. Also between my wife and my dad and I can relate to caring for someone you love for years that and they pass away. Both my wife and my father experienced torturous bouts of pain and I know that feeling of helplessness that you get when you see them go through it. and all you can do is comfort them as best you can. I too suffer with chronic pain with my disabilities but not like they did. I miss them both so terribly but I do take some comfort in that they are no longer suffering. They both went quick and peacefully also like your son. I'm not sure how old your boy was. Gina, my wife went so peacefully I still find it impossible to believe that there wasn't any noise. No thud, no bump no nothing. I was in our office and she took her usual pain meds and waited for them to take effect because she had a tooth ache. She had kissed me on the cheek while I sat at my desk on my computer in our office and said she was going to bed. I told her I wouldn't be much longer. I sat at my desk and watched her go into the bedroom.  A short time later about a half hour or so I turned off my computer and headed to bed and found her on the floor.  So quiet even our dogs didn't alert me like they are trained. One of them was in the bedroom with her only about 8 foot away from where I found her on a hardwood floor. Gina did have a peaceful look on her face that I hadn't seen for quite some time if at all. She had a ventral hernia that ten surgeries couldn't repair before I even met her in  2006.  She had a heart attack.before getting into bed and nothing was disturbed like maybe she was reaching for something or tried to get a hold onto something to steady herself while unbalanced. No signs of any sort of struggling at the last minute either. I still find myself weeping from time to time. Just did yesterday. I'm glad they are not suffering anymore and I did have some emotional forewarning or preparation but it still hurts when they go. I would do anything to have them back as long as they wouldn't be in pain or suffering. 

Terry

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Re: Loss of Son
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2017, 07:49:13 AM »
(((((Bonnie)))))

I'm so very sorry for the great loss of your precious son, Tom. Welcome to Webhealing.

Webhealing is a safe place to vent your feelings....never any judgments. I came to Webhealing when my oldest and only surviving child died, many years ago. My posts here on the board looked more like 'short stories' as I held nothing back, or in. It really helped me.
It takes a long time to even begin to understand our loss. Losing a child is so devastating.

If there is anything I can do for you, feel free to message me. And when you feel up to it, please tell us more about your Tom. We're here for you.

Sending love & understanding,
Terry

BonnyLu

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Re: Loss of Son
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2017, 08:21:41 PM »
Thank you Terry and JustMark!  I am so sorry for your losses!  It will be 6 months on August 3rd since Tom died,  His Birthday is August 7th.  He would have been 48.  This will be the first birthday that I haven't been with him.  He was such a strong, intelligent loving person.  He has 2 grown sons in their 20's.Instead of Good-bye when they left, he always said, "Daddy Loves You."
He knew he was going to die.  He told me every day how glad he was that God gave him a Mom like me.  He also felt like he was a burden to me.  I told him time and time again that He wasn't and I WAS glad to care for him, it's called being a Mother.  He lived a year and 4 months after the brain surgery. 
Today my 87 year old mom fell and had an injury to her head. When the ambulance came, they put a bandage around her head and I JUST LOST IT.  It reminded me of the bandages Tom had to wear for months.  I couldn't stop crying,  Am still crying. When does it get better?

JustMark

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Re: Loss of Son
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2017, 10:00:46 PM »
Hi Bonnie, I hope your mom is ok. At her age sometimes the healing from injuries takes a long time. You probably know that already. My mom is 86 and two or 3 years ago she fell and cracked a rib. Took her several months to get over it. I can fully understand how your mom being bandaged reminded you of your son and would trigger a reaction from you. I learned early on that moms are special people and it sounds like your son did too. I also think Gina knew she would be going but wouldn't talk to me about it. We had joined an online church because of relying on God and she couldn't get out. I do know she complained about feeling guilty for me caring for her or her not pulling her weight or helping around the house like she used to. Quite often I would reassure her she wasn't a burden and I meant it. I used to tell her I fully well understood what I was getting into after what I had been through with my daughter and then hearing about her 10 surgeries and what she went through before we met. I told her I would still willingly marry her. I also often told her after looking at the circumstances and situations we were living in our individual lives before we met I understood why God brought our paths together and our lives were intertwined from there on. Anyway like your son I believe Gina knew she would soon be going. Also like your son I believe he had a special mom too. I'm not sure if you stay in touch with your grandsons or not. Maybe they are busy caught up in life, maybe trying concentrate on climbing the corporate ladder, working their buts off to keep a roof over their head or busy in college trying to launch new careers or a half dozen other things I can think of that I and other people have done at their ages and call them if you haven't seen or heard from them recently. I have no doubts that they do or say things that will remind you of Tom and perhaps you can let them know that Tom is still having a positive impact in the world and living through them. My mom calls me and my two brothers every year on August 31st my dad's birthday to remind us of the same thing I just told you about. She lets us know of things we do or have done that remind her of our dad  and we, his sons, continue to let the lessons he taught us continue to impact the world in a positive way and we thank God he gave me and my brothers a good roll model for us to become good dads too.

Terry

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Re: Loss of Son
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2017, 02:12:31 PM »

He knew he was going to die.  He told me every day how glad he was that God gave him a Mom like me.  He also felt like he was a burden to me.  I told him time and time again that He wasn't and I WAS glad to care for him, it's called being a Mother. 


How sweet your Tom was. And strong. Those words must bring you such comfort, at times.

Surely understand about your Mom and how frightened you were, and still are. Tom's death being so recent and your pain being so very raw right now.....try (as hard as it is) to take care of yourself. Try to rest. Eat healthy snacks. Take a walk outside. Drink lots of water, stay hydrated. We forget, sometimes to do the simple things, like breathe in and out...deep breaths. I remember having to remind myself at times just to breathe.

Let us know about your Mom and how she's recovering. Holding good thoughts for her, and you.

Big Hug ((((((BonnyLu))))))