Author Topic: Mothers Day- How do we cope  (Read 228 times)

Lacemaker

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Mothers Day- How do we cope
« on: May 11, 2017, 08:09:54 PM »
My mom has been gone a little over a month. Not sure how I am going to get through this weekend. All of the ads on tv and in the store are making it so hard. I just want to scream and say don't you realize how hard this is on those of us who don't have our mothers anymore. I am having such a hard time trying to function anyway. I can't concentrate on anything. And all the things I use to do I have no interest in. Everybody seems to act like I should be acting different and be over this already. I want to say how would you be coping if you watched your mom literally die before your eyes unexpectedly. I can't sleep as I have nightmares replaying that day. So I don't want to go to bed at night but I dread getting up as I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I have no purpose to get out of bed. No interest in anything. My house is a disaster zone. Nothing seems to matter anymore. Have so much anger built up. Mad at God and seems like just mad at the world so to speak.

JustMark

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Re: Mothers Day- How do we cope
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2017, 11:12:28 PM »
Hi Lacemaker, I'm sorry about your mom and I know it's hard with mother's day coming. It's ok to cry, we know and understand. With me it was my father and father's day. To be honest every holiday the first year he was gone was rough. The various holidays were much easier after the first year. That first father's day I spent a few hours at his grave site and I talked to him and I think he listened. To this day my younger brother still doesn't have the strength to go to my dad's grave site. If it's only been about a month for you, I don't know why anyone would think you should be over it by now. It takes a while and it's quite an adjustment when one looses a parent. My dad died in 2001 but I didn't deal with his death until 2005. It's one thing to know someone has died is different then when someone accepts the death of their loved one. Two different ball games altogether. You also mentioned watching you mom's death and having night mares. The loss of sleep alone could be zapping your motivation to do anything around the house and effect a persons concentration. Could also lower a persons frustration threshold and signs of irritability. You may want to talk to your Dr and perhaps they can prescribe a mild sleeping aid or even recommend you see a psych doctor for an evaluation. You may not be aware of it but you also described the classic symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. If your doctor does recommend a psych doctor that's ok too. You don't have to be a vet like me to have PTSD. Witnessing or experiencing any traumatic event can cause it and there are treatments for it with a high success. It could also be short term if you have it. Only thing I am saying is talk to your doctor and see what they recommend.  As for me I start with a new psych doctor the 28th this month in dealing with my wife's death. I dealt with PTSD and depression for years and made tremendous progress. I'm also smart enough to know I don't want to take steps backwards so I keep taking steps forward and get help when I need it. So it's something you may want to look at as an option.

Lacemaker

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Re: Mothers Day- How do we cope
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2017, 07:58:07 PM »
Thanks Just Mark.. I just feel so alone in this. I've had Chronic pain for years and have had to learn to fake it when I am around most people. And this is how I may have to try and do again but I think it would just be easier to just close the blinds and stay home instead.. The first week or so my friends were there to let me vent and express myself, But it seems now they avoid being alone with me. So I take that as a hint. And yes I am sure my easy frustration has to deal with the lack of sleep and grief. I wish I had words of wisdom to try and help you. Our pets do make it a little easier. I know my cat Jalo seems to know when I need her the most. I am glad that even in your loss that you see your need to keep moving forward. And don't let your self sink into the depression. I have heard that the PTSD can be very traumatic. So I am glad you see that you need to get help when needed. I am not a drinking woman as per say. But right now it would be very easy to try and numb the pain this way. I just don't understand how people can lose a loved one and just go on with life and act like nothing ever happened. I am going to try and make it to my moms grave on Sunday.  Unfortuneatley it is not in the town where I live. otherwise I think I would be there every day. Thanks for answering my post. I have tried to find a grief support group in my town unfortunealy  there are none. the closest in 45 minutes away. My husband don't want me going. But I made have to do it and he will have to just deal with it. try and have a good weekend. Sure it will be a rough one for you as well.

Terry

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Re: Mothers Day- How do we cope
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2017, 10:42:00 AM »


(((((Lacemaker)))))

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your precious Mom. Sending you hugs and holding you close to my heart on this Mother's Day.

Love, :love9:
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

Lacemaker

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Re: Mothers Day- How do we cope
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2017, 08:18:41 PM »
thanks Terry, ,I almost just want to stay in bed all day tomorrow and not come out till Monday. Unfortuneately for me sleeping is a problem to. So I guess I have to suck it up and fake the day for everyone.

JustMark

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Re: Mothers Day- How do we cope
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2017, 08:55:18 AM »
Hi Lacemaker it's now Tuesday and I was wondering how things went for you over the weekend with mothers day.

Lacemaker

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Re: Mothers Day- How do we cope
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2017, 06:37:30 PM »
Sounds terrible but I am so glad the day is over.. Was a pretty lousy day. Mom and I to go to DQ for a cherry pepsi.so went and did that in her memory. but the rest of the day was tear stained. .How was your weekend. Thanks for checking in