Author Topic: Not sure what to do  (Read 895 times)

iwannaheal

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Not sure what to do
« on: November 20, 2016, 07:03:51 PM »
So I am new to this board, and I stumbled upon it because, well, I need help. I am depressed, and have been most of my life. Most recently however, I lost my dad to cancer (April 2014), lost my job of 13 years (May 2015), and my husband walked out on me after 13 years of marriage and having been together 15 years (May 2016). My only child moved out in the fall of 2014 for college, so that is a huge change I'm grieving as well. I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster of change, loss and grief for so long, that I am about to give up. I am not "suicidal" really, although I wish the pain and loneliness would stop, and many days I do not want to go on. Many nights I think, "Maybe I won't wake up tomorrow," and actually am disappanointed when I do wake up. I manage to get through the days, move forward, make progress in life....but my small successes always feel short lived and I always feel like I have to fight harder than anyone else for small achievements and the progress I make. Then I feel like I have set backs, or I make mistakes that might hinder forward progress. Not on purpose, but I feel like I am not good enough, or not able to conintue to fight for my forward progress. I really miss the husband that I thought I had. He was there when I lost my dad to cancer and I truly thought he was my best friend and would always be there. But he fell out of love with me. That feeling hurts more than a death because I am grieving a relationship that wasn't what I thought it was. I am not ok being independent and by my self. I mean, I am doing it, but I don't like it. I really wish I could feel normal again. Someone please reply to this, as I am feeling really sad, alone, and pathetic. 😢

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Not sure what to do
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2016, 07:30:09 AM »

(((((iwannaheal)))))

I'm sorry for your losses. Welcome to Webhealing.

When we have a great loss we lose a part of ourselves and in the beginning it could feel like we're lost forever, but we're not. It's one day at a time and in the early part of grief it's one second at a time. It's how we all get through. Posting your feelings is healthy and will help you heal and gain a healthy perspective toward life.
Your screen name says it all, "I want to heal" and that's a huge first step in acheiving that goal.

We're here for you. :love9:

Hugs,
Terry

Veronica1992

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Re: Not sure what to do
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2018, 03:46:35 AM »
When losses occur one after another, it is very difficult not to fall into depression. Try to find something that brings you joy and pleasure. If you are lonely, buy a cat or a dog. Animals are very good friends and companions