Author Topic: I'm new here  (Read 438 times)

Raven2017

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I'm new here
« on: April 28, 2017, 05:06:10 PM »
I just saw this site through the funeral home that I used.  I'm not sure that I am posting properly as I have never done this before.
My husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on April 13.  We were both in second marriages and from the beginning, it was like we were soul mates.  He was my very best friend and was there for me always. We will be married 12 years on May 14. He was only 59.  He was the kindest, most sincere person that I have ever met. He helped everyone that met him, even in his death. I had family here until yesterday morning and now I don't know what to do.  Everyone says to keep busy but there are too few things to do to fill the hours in a day.  I just want to sleep and wake up from this nightmare.  I keep expecting him to walk in the door or to hear his voice.  This makes no sense to me at all.  He took care of himself physically, ate properly and loved life.  I just want him back.

Raven2017

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Re: I'm new here
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2017, 06:23:38 AM »
It's been a little over two weeks and it feels like forever and I can't comprehend that.  I want to see Jim so much.  last night, I heard the door opening and I ran but he wasn't there.  I feel like I am losing my mind. I keep pretending that he is on a holiday and will be home soon.  He was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia in March.  It was supposed to be treatable and then he had a headache one night that was actually a brain bleed.  Because of his disease, his blood didn't clot so they couldn't operate. I called an ambulance and went to the hospital with him but he was already in a coma.  I still thought that they could fix him this wasn't supposed to happen to us. I miss him so much he was the kindest man

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: I'm new here
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2017, 06:17:50 AM »

(((((Raven)))))

I'm so sorry to read of the recent death of your precious husband, Jim. The days, weeks and even months following the death of our loved one can be very confusing times and no, you're not losing your mind. Early grief is truly a very difficult time.

Try to care for yourself the best you can as grief can zap our immune systems and we can get very sick. Eat healthy snacks, drink plenty of water, rest if you can't sleep and try to get out of the house to go for a walk everyday.

The finality of the death of a loved one is stinging. We all understand that here. Post as often as you are able. Someone is always reading.

With love & understanding, :love9:
Terry

JustMark

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Re: I'm new here
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2017, 05:00:28 PM »
Hi Raven, I'm sorry to hear about your husband Jim, I think you said his name was. I'm fairly new hear myself as well. I lost my Gina on March 16th. For me the two weeks were the roughest. I would hear things or something happen as well that I would turn and look and see no one standing there. It wouldn't just be me but our dogs would look as well. Over a little more time that feeling of expectation to see Gina gradually faded to more of a sense of her stopping into check on me or let me know it's going to be ok. It's hard to describe I guess you could say it feel more like a peaceful contemplation or a calm reassurance is about the best I can describe it. I've had to learn to do some things on my own and I still have my moments like the one just now. An older lady up the street stopped by had just heard about Gina and stopped by to give condolences and handed me a card. We talked a few moments and and she turned to head back to her home. She was always a very nice and considerate woman. Needless to say I got back into the office and hugged Sox my dog and began to cry. I'll read the card later as right now I know I can't. For Gina and I it was our 2nd marriages too. Needless to say it does get easier and the moments of sorrow slowly subside. First thing you need to do is make sure your taking care of yourself. Make sure your eating . For me the first couple of weeks I lived off of deli sandwiches, salads and chicken wings as there were plenty left overs from the deli platters and I would also make sure I had some sort of cereal for breakfast. My mom or my daughter also would bring me a small casserole from time to time. I didn't really do any cooking until about my 4th week. I'm still not used to cooking for just myself yet. I also kept myself busy out side, like planted a vegetable garden or pull a few weeds just to help keep me occupied while taking my time. I encountered a whole lot of fond memories that I cherish during the time as well. I didn't worry about clearing any of her things or anything like that. I took time for me and cared for our dogs. Anyway that is what it was like for me the first month. It may not work for everyone but that is what worked for me and my mom and my daughter say I'm doing good.

Raven2017

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Re: I'm new here
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2017, 06:37:45 AM »
Thank you for your kind words, Mark and I am sorry to hear about Gina.  Your posts were actually the first ones that I read as I felt that you were almost in the same time frame as I am and I wanted to see how you felt after one month.
It makes me feel better to know that others experience some of the things that I am going through and you do provide some hope.  Makes me feel like I may not be going crazy after all.  The eating is hard.  I know I should but nothing is appealing.  I'm sure that at some point that will change.  My dog also reacts whenever I hear or think I see something.  It is reassuring in a way.

JustMark

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Re: I'm new here
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2017, 01:16:21 PM »
Thank you Raven, I'm glad I could help. Yes we are in the same time frame Gina's and Jim's deaths were less then a month apart so I just got a couple weeks head start is all. Gina and I would have been married 8 years this coming June. When you include the time we started dating and living together we were together for a little more then 10 years. Eventhough we were only together 10 years we loved each other enough for a whole lifetime together.

Yes the eating is hard at first. At times it seemed like I had to force myself to eat and it seemed like on those occasions I made myself eat everything was bland and tasted the same or I was so caught up in feeling sorry about my loss I didn't notice the difference in tastes of different foods. I wasn't used to eating alone either. For me it began to change around the middle of the 3rd week. Don't get me wrong I'm still not eating like I used to but I am eating at least two meals a day. I ate two meals a day before but I also snacked throughout the day. It wasn't uncommon for me to wipe out a box of vanilla wafers or a couple candy bars or have a third meal or cheese and crackers on top of a breakfast and dinner. I'm still not snacking much anymore except for one or two days after my usual monthly trip to the grocery. I'll pick up one or two snack items.

I'm also doing more work around the house now then I was before. I was not only taking care of Gina I was also rehabbing the house, chores outside like cleaning up after the dogs, gardening, maintaining or repairing our van and car and other stuff. Gina did most of the laundry all I did was carry baskets up and down stair for her. She would do a meal 2 or 3 times a week as her health let her. Gina was still helping as she could. Her last month or two was really bad on her and I was doing it all most of the time. I think sometimes she felt guilty she couldn't help out like she was but I didn't mind. With Gina gone I am doing more. Anyway your appetite will change and it won't be so hard.