Author Topic: Been a month  (Read 181 times)

JustMark

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 25
    • View Profile
Been a month
« on: April 16, 2017, 10:48:18 PM »
It's not only Easter it's also one month since Gina passed. I still find myself pausing while doing things around the house. I reflect and remember Gina either doing the work herself or me doing the work and her coming into to chat or see if I needed help. Those memories could be any point in time since we got together and are typically happy moments I shared with her. They run from anywhere from a few seconds to a couple of minutes and often they comfort me through out the day. As an example, when I planted the vegetable garden a couple of days ago I looked over at her rose bush and remember her trimming it.

My mom says I'm doing good in reference to adjusting to life now that Gina is gone but when no one is around there are times I'm still crying like a baby. My 3 dogs get close to comfort me as best as they know how. Sox gave me 3 false alerts for meds this month because I was crying. He's been trained to alert me for meds for panic attacks. He is not sure of the difference between crying in sorrow verses anxiety attacks so maybe he thinks he needs to treat them the same way which is not the case. Also the dogs are trying to be more playful. He has figured out what he has been trained to do for reassurance works when I cry. I'm also finding TwoToez still needs moments of reassurance and whimpers for Gina. They are slowly tapering off. I'm still finding myself having problems falling asleep and my appetite still isn't back to normal. I am making sure I am eating a salad or fresh raw vegetables around lunch time. It's what I did when contracting in the hot summers because those hot days in the sun were appetite killer days so I would eat light until after sunset and a cool shower. I also cooked me a meal two times this month as there were a whole lot of left overs from deli platters and some caseroles and my mom and daughter cooked me some meals and brought them.

I'm finding it easier to get started on somethings and others my heart still isn't in. This last month I concentrated on out door things for spring and started the vegetables. This week I'll start on indoor things like laundry, some cleaning, putting air conditioners in windows and start back on the office and half bath where I left off. I am also making sure I pick up one of my guitars or the keyboard for an hour a day. I guess you could say it's my me time. I will also start going through Gina's things as I can handle it. Get items to her family in New York, donate cloths and shoes and such. Dawn my daughter, says she will come by once a week to give me a hand with that because she knows somethings will be hard for me. Clothing wise I'm only keeping her wedding dress and bathrobe. Gina's wedding outfit was a pretty turquoise. The bathrobe because it's the very first piece of clothing I bought her. I got it for her in fall of 2007 when she moved into the house. The house got a little cool in the winter back then. First thing I did after the demo work on rehabbing the house was making the furnace and duct-work more efficient and insulated exterior walls. It's been much better these last two winters and the furnace doesn't go through that much oil now.

I'm drying out several of the roses and flowers from the funeral floral arrangements to make a few keepsakes for me, my mom and my daughter. Two days after I hung them my daughter liked how my father's keepsake turned out with his roses. So she asked about some of the flowers as she had an idea and I told here there were plenty. I was planning sort of a shadow box but I think I'll see what Dawn is thinking of. End of this week they will be ready for the preservative. For Gina's memorial service I did a poster board on how I proposed to her and how we almost got married in the hospital chapel in hospital gowns by the chaplain. Maybe for our anniversary this coming June I'll post it in here or online somewhere. I got more done then I expected with Gina's death but no where near what I normally do but at least I did something and took a few steps forward.

I guess I started this thread so I can look back from time to time to see how far I've come as time goes on. Maybe it will help others see some things that worked for me and may work for them or something they can adapt to help them. I know from my dad's death in 2001 and what I learned grieving is a process and takes time. So no need to rush and always remember, one day at a time and one step at a time equals healing over time.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5831
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Been a month
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2017, 05:59:20 AM »
Hi Mark,

Thinking of you and hoping your days have been gentler.

The keepsakes is a really good idea and I'm sure will be appreciated. The poster board has to be heart warming....what a beautiful idea.

Hugs
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

JustMark

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 25
    • View Profile
Re: Been a month
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2017, 07:35:15 PM »
Hi and thank you Terry, days have been gentler to a certain extent. Day before yesterday was interesting. In the evening I had knocked off for the day and was warming up on my old bass guitar in the office which right above where the dining room is going to be after I'm finished. It's down to studied walls and one of the exterior walls waiting for insulation. Right now on working on the bathroom that will be right next to it so the only thing in the dining room is some lumber, tools and an old saw. Anyway me and the dogs had a moment of excitement. The amp was up a little louder then usual and I hit an E cord and held it will playing along with a CD at the end of a song and we herd a load bang come from down stairs. It sounded like dynamite going off. I put my bass down and rushed downstairs behind the dogs. At the bottom of the steps there was a sea of dust hovering in the air up to about 3 foot above the floor throughout the whole first story.

So I started looking around to figure out what in the world that noise was and opening windows and doors to let the dust out in the process. Turned fans on blowing out as well. I got to the dining room and strewn across the floor was chunks of the old plasterboard and mortar like they did walls and ceilings in the late 40's. I looked up and the old ceiling I was trying to save had a 6 by 8 foot of the old plaster work gone. The chunks were more than an inch think and half the nails in the upper floor joists to hold it up came out of the joists with it. The amount of material that hit the floor was a good 800 pound to a half ton I figured. I looked down at the dogs and they had a surprised look on their face and I said "Sox what in the world did you do?" He looked up and sort of tilted his head like he was trying to figure out what I was asking. "I said "Tootz", which is what I normally call Two Toez for short "did you do that?" he looked at me and looked at the floor and looked back up and gave me that look like "it will be ok daddy, I'm a good boy". I began laughing. So I cleaned up the chunks and debris and used up the last of my contractor bags. I called my mom told her what happened and told her  I needed more bags in the morning. Mentioned she could get them from Lowes in the morning for about $30 dollars a box and I would reimburse her when she dropped them off. I told her I would be using 6 to 7 more contractors bags by the following night. I explained the rest of the ceiling needs to be brought down while you can control how big the chunks are and bring it down in pieces or it will come down when it chooses. So that was definitely a high point for me this this last week. Bare with me it's my contractor humor showing I still think it's funny with that look Two Toez gave me.


JustMark

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 25
    • View Profile
Re: Been a month
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2017, 06:21:10 PM »
It's now just a few days past the 2nd month of Gina passing. This month I started a guitar course and it seems to be going well. I also bought a piano course and it arrived but I won't start that until the office and the half bath in the basement is complete. I also half halfheartedly started going through some of Gina's clothes and a few items in the kitchen that are not needed anymore. There are a couple of items she wanted to go to certain people like a Christmas sweater given her by my mom she wants my daughter Dawn to have. Gina treasured that sweater. She also wanted a specific jewelry box to go to Angel my multiply handicapped daughter. It has a little ballerina circled by mirrors with wind up music box Gina had gotten from her father as a little girl. Angel loved to listen to it during her visits with us. Angel would lay in bed and listen to it in order to drift off. Angel can't speak. When it needed to be rewound she knew exactly how to get her point across. Most of Gina's clothes are being donated to a church or they are going to good will or salvation army. I'm not sure yet even though I have some bags ready to go. I don't have the strength to do anything with her dresses at this time. I started to but then comes floods of memories. Good memories but I find they begin to lead to self pity if I'm not careful. So for the time being they can stay where they are at. The vegetable garden is progressing well also.  I got the remaining plaster work in the dining room removed and bagged for a dump run. Between hanging sheet plastic to protect the rest of the house to pulling the plaster down, breaking it up for bagging, then sweep, vacuum and getting the sheet plastic back down took me the whole week. After I work on the van next week I'll get a few guys to load the van and ride along to dump them. 17 contractor's bags and the lightest one is around 75 pounds. No way can I move them with my hip the way it is. That bit I used to get done in one day actually a half day before my disabilities got bad. I find myself still crying on occasion but I guess that is to be expected. Gina picked out everything that will be getting installed by the time I'm finished.