Author Topic: Been a month  (Read 34 times)

JustMark

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Been a month
« on: April 16, 2017, 10:48:18 PM »
It's not only Easter it's also one month since Gina passed. I still find myself pausing while doing things around the house. I reflect and remember Gina either doing the work herself or me doing the work and her coming into to chat or see if I needed help. Those memories could be any point in time since we got together and are typically happy moments I shared with her. They run from anywhere from a few seconds to a couple of minutes and often they comfort me through out the day. As an example, when I planted the vegetable garden a couple of days ago I looked over at her rose bush and remember her trimming it.

My mom says I'm doing good in reference to adjusting to life now that Gina is gone but when no one is around there are times I'm still crying like a baby. My 3 dogs get close to comfort me as best as they know how. Sox gave me 3 false alerts for meds this month because I was crying. He's been trained to alert me for meds for panic attacks. He is not sure of the difference between crying in sorrow verses anxiety attacks so maybe he thinks he needs to treat them the same way which is not the case. Also the dogs are trying to be more playful. He has figured out what he has been trained to do for reassurance works when I cry. I'm also finding TwoToez still needs moments of reassurance and whimpers for Gina. They are slowly tapering off. I'm still finding myself having problems falling asleep and my appetite still isn't back to normal. I am making sure I am eating a salad or fresh raw vegetables around lunch time. It's what I did when contracting in the hot summers because those hot days in the sun were appetite killer days so I would eat light until after sunset and a cool shower. I also cooked me a meal two times this month as there were a whole lot of left overs from deli platters and some caseroles and my mom and daughter cooked me some meals and brought them.

I'm finding it easier to get started on somethings and others my heart still isn't in. This last month I concentrated on out door things for spring and started the vegetables. This week I'll start on indoor things like laundry, some cleaning, putting air conditioners in windows and start back on the office and half bath where I left off. I am also making sure I pick up one of my guitars or the keyboard for an hour a day. I guess you could say it's my me time. I will also start going through Gina's things as I can handle it. Get items to her family in New York, donate cloths and shoes and such. Dawn my daughter, says she will come by once a week to give me a hand with that because she knows somethings will be hard for me. Clothing wise I'm only keeping her wedding dress and bathrobe. Gina's wedding outfit was a pretty turquoise. The bathrobe because it's the very first piece of clothing I bought her. I got it for her in fall of 2007 when she moved into the house. The house got a little cool in the winter back then. First thing I did after the demo work on rehabbing the house was making the furnace and duct-work more efficient and insulated exterior walls. It's been much better these last two winters and the furnace doesn't go through that much oil now.

I'm drying out several of the roses and flowers from the funeral floral arrangements to make a few keepsakes for me, my mom and my daughter. Two days after I hung them my daughter liked how my father's keepsake turned out with his roses. So she asked about some of the flowers as she had an idea and I told here there were plenty. I was planning sort of a shadow box but I think I'll see what Dawn is thinking of. End of this week they will be ready for the preservative. For Gina's memorial service I did a poster board on how I proposed to her and how we almost got married in the hospital chapel in hospital gowns by the chaplain. Maybe for our anniversary this coming June I'll post it in here or online somewhere. I got more done then I expected with Gina's death but no where near what I normally do but at least I did something and took a few steps forward.

I guess I started this thread so I can look back from time to time to see how far I've come as time goes on. Maybe it will help others see some things that worked for me and may work for them or something they can adapt to help them. I know from my dad's death in 2001 and what I learned grieving is a process and takes time. So no need to rush and always remember, one day at a time and one step at a time equals healing over time.