Author Topic: Motherless by 17, parentless at 26.  (Read 68 times)

Bri

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Motherless by 17, parentless at 26.
« on: February 24, 2017, 01:14:55 AM »
I don't really know how to do this. I can't find a grief support group in the city I live in. I took social work and counselling in school, so one-on-one doesn't work for me because I'm too familiar with the process.

I've never felt so empty and alone. I survived after my mom died when I was 17 because I had my dad. I never got to say goodbye. Try to prepare. Say I love you one last time. She was 39 years old. She was poisoned one day and the next she was gone. I was the one who called the ambulance. They wouldn't let me stay with her for the ride to the hospital. "We're going to have to do things to your mother to save her, and you won't want to see".

I phoned my dad that day and told him mom was sick, that the doctor said she may need a liver transplant. She may need to be transferred to a bigger hospital, but it was going to be okay. We would travel to the big hospital today if needed.

By 2am, she was gone. How do you handle a new type of pain that you've never felt before? I collapsed with numbness. My dad rushed to be by my side. He never left me for a week afterwards.

And now, just 4 months ago, my dad dropped dead in his living room. My dad was meant to outlive everyone in our family. Tall, lean, an exceptional athlete. He was the healthiest person I knew. I didn't get his athleticism. I'm more comfortable being lazy than I'd like to admit. He was brilliant, too. He could do complicated algebra questions that he hadn't done in 30+ years, no problem. He worked hard his whole life for a good pension. He was 3 years away from retirement and more than ready to enjoy it. He was 51.

I'm 26 years old and parentless. My children, should I choose to have any, will not know their grandparents. I will not have my beloved dad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I will not have my beautiful mother to shop for a wedding dress with. I need them. What I wouldn't give to talk to them one last time.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go on. Help.

Terry

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Re: Motherless by 17, parentless at 26.
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2017, 11:50:43 AM »

(((((Bri)))))

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your precious Dad. Losing both parents is such a great loss, especially when so young. I certainly understand the pain as I've lost both parents and all three of my children. In fact, I was around your age when my Mom died at 48.

I'm glad you found us. Welcome to Webhealing.

What kind of support do you have in your life at this time? Siblings, friends? Is there a pastor or priest that you're close to? It really helps to sit down and talk with someone but we don't always have that in our lives and the reason for the importance of message boards such as Webhealing. I, along with many others found these boards to be a life saver; coming on to post at any hour or just vent the pain is helpful. There's always someone here and we never close. Like an online journal.

Please update when you have a chance so I know how you're doing.

Again, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Dad and for the pain you're going through.

Sending you hugs, love & understanding,
Terry

"I'm thankful I have my writing to turn to.  And reading and my pets.  It is at times like these, I remind myself to think of gratitude and things I am thankful for." -Wally (Wally49er/Spouse Loss)