As I shared with you in an earlier post, I fully understand that lonely feeling after caring for someone for so long and even after *loving* someone for so long. Love fills us up with such a joy and death also fills us up with a longing for that joy. The finality of death is very stinging and that burning pain doesn't go away in a few days or even weeks...the time (we impatiently wait for) when we can remember them and smile and our hearts are filled with joy differs for each of us. Grieving takes time, patience and love for ourselves.
You wrote, "Its hard to have a routine when you have no life." You do have a life, Michael even though you are deeply grieving and may sometimes even feel hopeless due to missing your precious Roxanne. We all have a life. We're only on this earth for a short time and none of us knows when we're going to die so we do all the good that we can and keep our hearts open to love for as long as we are here.
So, if your routine at this time is sleep, dinner and a walk then that's going to have to be good enough until you are able to do more.
I was glad to read that you are seeing a counselor. Every little bit helps, Michael.
After just 3 short weeks of saying good-bye to someone I loved, I certainly wasn't expecting those good feelings to wash over me somehow miraculously and forget about the love that was swept away in a split second. That's a shock, Michael and not only to our heart but to our body and the reason for my sharing with you how important it is to take good care of yourself right now. There is nothing more important right now than your physical and mental health.
I look forward to reading more from you!