Author Topic: Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left  (Read 521 times)

Trace13

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Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left
« on: October 10, 2016, 08:02:50 PM »
Oct 29th will be three years that my Dad has been gone. The weather is turning colder and the same chill is in the air as when I found him. Since then it's been a rollercoaster of emotions and fashbacks of old traumas that I thought were well put away. 18 years of Law Enforcement, Fire Fighting and EMS, you see a lot of bad stuff. Plus I worked 7 yrs. in a big Emergency Dept at a hospital. There's a slide show going on in my head and it will not stop. I'm seeing a T, on Wellbutrin and Lexapro, but it doesn't seem like things are changing.

ChrisMom

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Re: Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2016, 01:22:28 PM »
hello Trace13,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad, I have not lost my Dad to suicide but we lost our son Chris to suicide. I will never forget that day as I entered his townhouse to find him, then I called 911 and after I went back upstairs to see Chris and all I could do was touch his knee as he lay dead on his bed, with his grandfather's rifle on the floor that he had used to complete his suicide. Then I hear the knock at the door downstairs, and open to two policeman with their guns drawn. I let them in and said, this has to be the hardest part of you job! They were very professional and that began our nightmare of losing Chris. I suppose that is what you have been subjected to in your profession, if I understand your post. I assume you lost your Dad to suicide. I just hope you are not the one that found him. Well, it has been since 1997 now, you do the math, Chris was 24 years old, he had schizophrenia. So sorry you are having a hard time of it, it does get better over time as life goes on and the memories fade. Hold on, keep talking, keep reaching our for help. We care.
werememberchris.org  is our story. Hugs.
Sincerely, Chris'Mom

Trace13

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Re: Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2016, 07:36:50 PM »
Thanks for responding back. Yes, dad's death was suicide and I did find him. He had shot himself in the head. I found him behind a privacy fence, in the dark and cold evening hours. It was horrible. I was in shock and went into investigator mode. The when I went inside the house I fell apart. Can't get that image out of my head. There was no note.

Terry

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Re: Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2016, 06:41:20 AM »

(((((Trace)))))

I'm sorry for the tragic loss of your precious Dad.

My Dad also died a few years ago. He had Alzheimers and even with it he remained my rock and greatest support after my children died. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of him and miss him terribly.
I can relate to the change in weather as being a time of great stress as all of our memories surface at different times of the year; the holidays, their birthday, angel date and any event where they filled our lives with joy and also with sadness.

Welcome to Webhealing. We're here for you.

Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

Terry

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Re: Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2016, 06:47:12 AM »

(((((Chris's Mom)))))

I'm sorry that your precious son, Chris died. Welcome to Webhealing.

I visited Chris's web page. Very touching and also informative. Thanks for posting his link.

Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

Trace13

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Re: Almost 3 yrs. since Dad left
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2016, 02:33:19 AM »
Thanks Terry, I think with Dad's death date coming up it just brings up a lot of emotions . You never expect suicide to touch your loved ones and if it does it's something beyond any pain you have ever known. Dad and I were very close, I feel like a large part of me died with him that day. Not only that so many other past traumas have resurfaced and are consuming my head and with medication and therapy I still find no relief. It's exhausting.
But thank you for the welcome and I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.