I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad, I have not lost my Dad to suicide but we lost our son Chris to suicide. I will never forget that day as I entered his townhouse to find him, then I called 911 and after I went back upstairs to see Chris and all I could do was touch his knee as he lay dead on his bed, with his grandfather's rifle on the floor that he had used to complete his suicide. Then I hear the knock at the door downstairs, and open to two policeman with their guns drawn. I let them in and said, this has to be the hardest part of you job! They were very professional and that began our nightmare of losing Chris. I suppose that is what you have been subjected to in your profession, if I understand your post. I assume you lost your Dad to suicide. I just hope you are not the one that found him. Well, it has been since 1997 now, you do the math, Chris was 24 years old, he had schizophrenia. So sorry you are having a hard time of it, it does get better over time as life goes on and the memories fade. Hold on, keep talking, keep reaching our for help. We care.
werememberchris.org is our story. Hugs.