First of all...I am very, very sorry for those of you who find yourself here grieving this loss. Sending love to each one of you struggling.
I wondered if any of you could help answer me a question relating to this subject, as my (new) boyfriend lost both his parents in very quick succession (days apart) unexpectedly right after we met.
I have struggled with this now for three months or so, have tried everything possible to help, to be there, but ultimately he was very emotionally distant and pushed me away but gets upset when I come close to leaving.
I have tried very hard with this...I can't really express how difficult it is to me, as I was engaged once and my partner suffered a brain injury and was after that very cold / distant / unemotional and pushed me away and I endured that (emotional abuse) to stand by him for almost three years before he asked me to go away and leave him alone and that experience was traumatic and very painful for me.
I feel, once again, that someone i love is behaving like a stranger and I can't reach him - but as he was a very new boyfriend I am wondering if this is his grief?
It is difficult to describe but he is very selfish, forgets me, doesn't respond to calls and messages and gives me the silent treatment - interspersed with requests for me not to leave, that he loves me. He seems to throw himself into work excessively, always on the go, going out with friends a lot and oblivious to me.
I am very confused, and thought perhaps someone who has been in his shoes might help me to understand as i am struggling so hard to know what to do and also to discover where my boundaries are for him treating me poorly.
I tried to end the relationship a few days ago, and he finally sat down with me and talked. He told me that he was in love with me, hated the idea of me being gone, but that he had just lost two of the most important people in the world to him and he felt that if he let me close to him he would rely on me and I would also leave him.
I feel so much compassion and love for this man, but his grief is causing him to be so hurtful that I am becoming emotionally destabilised by it all and find myself crying, tired, withdrawn all the time.