Sorry to take so long to reply. I just got on here again after a long break.
I do know what its like to lose patients. I am a hospital SW in the heart transplant dept. I see a lot of death. Some patients we get attached to. And its usually bc we can identify with them of that family in some way. I think your biggest fear is that you will end up a widowed woman with 3 little ones like this poor woman is. So you project your own feelings onto this situation , assuming what you would feel like if it were you. Perfectly normal. We all do it. I had a hard time when a patient died that was my mothers age when she died.
But fortunately I have a team that I work with. You sound like you are out there on your own. Thats certainly no way to work with patients. Your grief is real when your patients die and so therefore you need a team of support. Not only for grief loss, but for burnout (or the prevention of burnout ) too.
I would go to your local hosp chaplain (who usually offers free service) and schedule an appt with them in order to provide that support for yourself. I would walk into the hosp, and ask for the chaplains office. They certainly know how to comfort staff when there is a death. Its what they do. Find one that you like and get to know them so that you can have a "go to" person the next time you lose a patient (bc it will happen again). I was fortunate enough to have one by my side when we had to tell a loved one that their spouse just died in surgery. I was comforted by what she was telling that spouse. It comforted me too
I hope this helps. In a world in which we help others daily, you need to practice self care... spa, pedi, mani, hair appt, massages, counseling, fun girl nights out, date night with hubby, hotel night with hubby (great stress reliever
), chruch, etc.
Take care, and I wish you the best with your newest little one.
LaurenE