I think your failed marriages made you grieve more than an average person. But it's OK, there is hope. It is possible to find better partners/friends, people you deeply connect to. Having true friends makes people grieve less. In the meantime, you should take care of your health for yourself and for your mom. Those words are also for myself, when I'm motivated to live a good life for my mother. When I'm too sad, I stop being hard on myself, meaning not working hard. Instead I enjoy food. Going to restaurants, or eating unhealthy but consoling food like chocolate.