Author Topic: My father died last month and I'm an only child.. I feel VERY alone in this  (Read 2170 times)

lauriemcm

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My dad had just visited me two weeks prior to celebrate my 39th birthday and to celebrate the soon to be birthday of my twin boys who are 6. I remember he said he would be back in Feb. and when I dropped him off at the airport I gave him a good but quick hug like I would see him again. I was watching the previews for a movie when I got the call he had died. He was not sick, he was in a motorcycle accident. Per witnesses and police, he was on his motorcycle going about 30mph and barely collided with a 1 inch section of right bumper of a truck. His crash bars caught it. He always used this shitty little helmet that looked like a turtle shell and was not DOT regulated. His theory was when it's your time, it's your time. That's great, but I am left behind. My dad wasn't married and I am an only child. Plus, I live about 3k miles from him. I feel like the last month has been a blur of single handedly planning a wake/funeral/scattering his ashes/going through his entire home in 9 days before I headed back home. The amount of paperwork is overwhelming and confusing. I have been basically pretending like it didn't happen and have been avoiding looking at his pictures. The holidays have been OK, but it's because I am basically numb. I have thrown myself into researching aimless things on the computer for hours and I have been eating like crap. I am seriously considering buying a 2k purse..wtf?  I stay up very very late and wake up very early to get my kids to Kindergarten. Then I go home and sleep for hours...When I do allow myself to feel, I get a crippling sadness and this horrible feeling that I am alone in this. I wish I had a sibling to feel exactly what I feel. My husband tries to be as supportive as he can, but he doesn't really know what I feel- he still has both his parents.  Another problem is that I have been dealing (before his death) with a little depression/anxiety. Have been on light meds for the past 3 months and a year before that was on them for about 6 months. My dad also had a history with depression (long term) and he was the one person who I could really talk to who understood what I was going through and didn't judge or make me feel crazy/lesser. I feel numb and I want to feel again but will be filled with horrible sadness. Plus I have young kids who need me and I feel like I have to "be brave/put together" for them. Really I just want to flee for a few weeks and cry and grieve.   Is this normal? Anyone else going through this? Thanks

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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 Laurie - I'm sorry that your precious Dad died. It's seems that you have a lot going on, having to deal with the handling of the aftermath, which is always very difficult to do.
You need to take time for yourself to grieve. It's healthy and important for both you and your children.

Lori, in the post below yours buried her Dad three and a half months ago so you're both in a very fragile state right now. Numb is shock and we all certainly understand that feeling on these baords.

Welcome to Webhealing. Hopeing you find comfort between posting here and keeping a journal. Any way that you find....get those feelings out, Laurie.

We're here for you. :love9:
Love,
Terry

lglucius

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Laurie,
I am also an only child.  I know exactly what you are going through!!!!!!   My dad was in good health.  He had some heart problems in May of this year, and was anemic. but other than that he (thought) was fine.   He had a colonoscopy on August 24.  They found colon cancer.  Operated on August 25.  Started leaking bile so they operated again on August 28.   He was admitted to Hospice on August 31 and died on September 2.  If you're doing the math, that's only 9 days.   I buried him the day before my birthday (45th).   I have children but they are both in college.  My husband still has both his parents.   I do still have my mom and she is in good health, but I have pretty much made all arrangements, handled the mountains of paperwork, and now am dealing with getting grave markers.   I feel like I have to be there to help hold her together, but there is no one there to help me stay together.    I am barely functioning and just holding on by a thread.   I have started going to grief counseling.   I have talked to a lot of people who have lost a parent but they all have siblings and a strong support system.  I just wish I had someone.

Please, you are welcome to contact me anytime you need to.   I'd love to talk to you.