Author Topic: How is everyone?  (Read 5344 times)

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
How is everyone?
« on: March 26, 2015, 08:49:41 AM »
How has everyone been doing? Please check in when you find the time and update us. Thanks!

Love,
Terry

RobinBlue

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 102
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2015, 06:39:03 AM »
Hi Terry ... and everyone ...

Well, I thought I was doing good. I actually had a couple of "good" days in the past week. But yesterday, the crying jags returned. I'm wrestling with the "why did this have to happen in the first place?". To me, things happen for a reason. I understand the reasoning behind why things happened so suddenly (it was to prevent Tom from being in pain and agony ... I get that). But I'm struggling with the overall "why him? why did this have to happen at all?". And I know I'll probably never realize the answer to that ... and eventually I will learn to let go of the "need" to know why and just move on. It's only been a month and half ... and I'm still learning to find my way.

I still continue to do my "grief walk" in the mornings with my dog, Molly. We actually have been joined by my neighbor and her dog. This is a big step for me ... I am shy at heart (Tom was the outgoing one in our union ... he's the one who went out and made friends while I just quietly stood by). And we rarely spoke with this particular neighbor ... so the fact that I'm making a new friend is HUGE.

I've managed to start working a little bit again (I work from home as a remote bookkeeper for a CPA firm) ... a couple hours a day a few days a week. Just something to make my brain think of something else other than of grief and memories and finances and things that need to get done around the house.

The well-meaning friends are starting to fade and the check-up phone calls are becoming less and less. The dust is settling ... and I know I need to start being more independent.

And I did manage to make reservations for my annual trip to Montana (Tom and I have been going every year for the past 10 years). I'm taking a couple of girlfriends with me this time. Making the reservations was the easy part ... since I always did that. The hard part was not being able to come out into the living room and announce to Tom the rates I got for the hotels and not being able to celebrate that we set our vacation into stone for another year. I miss him terribly.

Other than that? Life is just flowing on. It's not stopping or waiting for me to get my act together. I know, eventually, some time, I'm going to have to break into a run to catch up.

Love to you all.
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.

Janka

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 293
  • My beloved Jan-a.d. 11/11/11
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2015, 09:32:53 PM »
How has everyone been doing? Please check in when you find the time and update us. Thanks!

Love,
Terry


Dear Terry!

I´ve experienced so many emotions from Christmas till now I´d like to talk about,but there´re still those things I´m not able to,so I´ve made up my mind to start with the current one.Since Christmas my life has very changed.One priest I´ve known more than 3 years made a miracle for me and since that moment everything goes well in my life.There´s nothing between these two worlds which me and my beloved Jan live in that could be hurting me or him.I´m sure that my beloved Jan is in heaven and with help of God he sent a priest into my life that has been helping me on my way,bringing me to an end my beloved Jan is waiting for to come one day.That´s why I wrote that God is my biggest help.He takes care of my beloved Jan and the priest is a help to cross the bridge on the other side one day.At the end will be my beloved Jan I´m living for every second of my life.Now I understand many things that have happened to me so far. I´m writing this message with tears in my eyes.You´re like my mum and I have a strong need to tell you what I feel deep inside.The priest I´m talking about became a close friend of mine.I can hug him when I need to...He can hold my hand when I need to...We can talk together about everything I worry about or makes me happy when I need to...He´s a good,kind,indulgent,patient and smiling person,the superior of the Franciscan monastery,absolutely different than most of the priests I´ve known in my whole life.I´m fond of him and esteem him so much,I need him walking through my life and he accepted this kind of rare friendship.He knows that I love my dearest Jan above all and I can talk about him every time we spend together.Those miracles that have happened to me by now are helpful to subdue my pain and grief I´ve gone through and making my life more bearable by all means.

I hope that you feel better,think of you and send you a lot of warm kisses!

With love Janka

​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2015, 12:21:39 PM »
Robin....steady going...good for you. It's not easy. I know how much you're putting into it.

So glad to read this. Remember one step forward and two steps back for awhile and it's all OK.

Thanks so much for sharing how you've been doing. :icon_flower:

Love,
Terry

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2015, 12:28:06 PM »

Janka,

I'm so glad to read that a very nice person has entered your life and has made a difference. Your priest sounds wonderful and caring.
Though I agree there are two worlds, two very different worlds....this one that you're living in now is waiting for you with open arms. Embrace it. It's time here is but a blink.

Try and do something nice just for you. It's so important. :love4:

Love,
Terry

funlearningmother

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2015, 04:01:55 PM »
Hi Terry and everyone else as well

I had an experience yesterday. When I wake up lately, I will wake up but keep my eyes closed and just let my mind wander and think about things, sometimes just worry about stuff. I was lying there for maybe 2 or 3 thoughts and all of the sudden I felt a puff of air on my left hand, like someone blew on it and I heard my drawer open. My eyes opened real fast because no one else is here right now. My drawer was not open and no one was in here. I swear I felt that air though. The only other thought I had was maybe I was still dreaming and thought I was awake. If I was awake then why those things? What does it mean? Something just getting my attention?

Later I looked in my drawer and the only thing in there that meant something is some film I have put off getting developed for several reasons, money the biggest one. The film has pictures from before we met if I remember correctly or they are from before his death and after. I took them out and looked up places to get them developed. I will take them in this week to find out. I am nervous about doing it.

Hugs and love, Shelby x
« Last Edit: March 29, 2015, 04:47:17 PM by funlearningmother »

funlearningmother

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2015, 04:07:58 PM »

Other than that? Life is just flowing on. It's not stopping or waiting for me to get my act together. I know, eventually, some time, I'm going to have to break into a run to catch up.


This sentence made me think of this song. I would like to say for everyone, please comment if you would like. This in most ways applies to all of us. I hope you all can get it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm17jKf5G9A   I still don't know how to post videos like Janka does.

Shelby x

funlearningmother

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2015, 04:46:10 PM »
Janka

It's wonderful to hear that you have found some happiness and someone to share your sadness with who cares and seems to understand!!!
I have been struggling with a lot and have not been on much. Having to work through the accident after that lady fainted in my arms seems to be still with me. Although I guess there is a lot connected to it. Since January I seem to have been thinking a lot about my life then and the things that happened. I can't talk to my boyfriend about him because he doesn't like it. He knew Riki and liked him in some ways but didn't like how he treated me and I think sometimes that he is jealous or he thinks he is protecting me by not letting me talk about him and living in the past.

It sounds like you are doing well, I am glad to hear.

Hugs and love Shelby x

Janka

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 293
  • My beloved Jan-a.d. 11/11/11
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2015, 06:49:52 PM »
Dear Shelby and others!

I woke up with a thought of Easter week starting today.It put a smile on my face after last night crying all along.I´ve made up my mind to do not shed the tears this time.It´s still the feast of the Resurrection,the life beyond,the meeting our loved ones waiting for and loving us forever.I´ve drawn the strength going it through.It´s my spiritual path I have to hold onto.Since the priest became a lifesaver of mine I´ve let him take me to where I need to go feeling a profound gratitude.He became the close friend of mine who is on a more emotionally level with me,who I can open up to find out there´s something comforting in that and it causes me a joy everytime I see him,because I´m mindful of the miracle he made for me to help me get right through my life when there were happening the worst things around me,as though my beloved Jan sent him into my life to save me on my way to home he is waiting for me to come one day.It´s a kind of unreal and so wonderful.He picked up the phone when I called up despairing in the middle of the night and since Christmas all goes well in my life.He is one good,kind,indulgent,patient and smiling person,the superior of the Franciscan monastery,absolutely different than most of the priests I´ve known in my whole life.I´m fond of him and esteem him so much,I need him walking through my life and he accepted this kind of rare friendship.He knows that I love my dearest Jan above all and I can talk about him every time we spend together.I can hug him when I need to...He can hold my hand when I need to...We can talk together about everything I worry about or makes me happy when I need to...Today after the mass was done I took a seat in the church and when he saw me,walked in smiling again,putting his kind words out towards me,bringing such a joy into my heart and I returned it to him,took his hand and he took mine.It´s a kind of rare friendship that neither me nor him may not take for granted.He helps me the most and I know that he always will for the rest of my life.

"My dearest,only one and beloved Jan,thank you from the bottom of my heart that you sent me this help in my immense misery and I truly hope to be with you as soon as possible in your loving arms as one forever.I love you above all!!!"

Janka
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

sevenofwands

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 992
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2015, 09:50:43 AM »
For Terry and everyone on this forum.

Good wishes for peaceful moments over this holiday period.  Hope everyone is well.

All the best
Sevenofwands


Janka

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 293
  • My beloved Jan-a.d. 11/11/11
    • View Profile
Re: How is everyone?
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2015, 06:40:05 PM »
For Terry and everyone on this forum.

Good wishes for peaceful moments over this holiday period.  Hope everyone is well.

All the best
Sevenofwands

Thanks a lot!I also wish you all the best.

Greeting from Janka
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka