I'm in my mid twenties and feeling so very stuck.
Mom and dad both died in 2013. I was 23 years old. Mom died in February, followed by my beloved childhood dog in August, then Dad died in October. All three deaths were unexpected and the word "easy" doesn't fit remotely near any of their descriptions.
After their passing, I was left with the responsibility of...everything. I'm the youngest of 3 siblings [by seven years at that]. My oldest sister has a lot of issues, can't hold a job due to her drug addictions, and is just unstable and exhausting. I'm basically taking care of her because I am taking care of our childhood home that was left after mom and dad died. She either stays there or is left on the streets. There was no will. Our brother has mosaic down syndrome and will need a caretaker for the rest of his life. He is very independent and highly functioning luckily. He has a job, and makes a little money. But he can't do much more than, say, a 14 year old would be able to do on their own.
I have a decent job, working in the career that I went to school for. I have a boyfriend and we're trying to move our lives forward with getting married. We both have this desire to settle down together, have our own place, and have children... of course. That's what any couple in their mid 20s would want.
But I am so conflicted with everything that's happened. The financial burden of the deaths, the responsibilities of our home and other property that was left to us after mom and dad died. Having 2 mortgages without ever being a homeowner is tough... I do all of the cleaning, pay all of the bills, do all of the shopping, all of the cooking... all of the everything...All while holding down a full time [very demanding] job. I did finally graduate last November... even that wasn't as exciting as it would have been because I was home alone when the degree and certifications came in the mail.
I feel so stuck. When my boyfriend and I start to talk about our future, we always get stuck on what we're going to do after we get married....
This is such a mess and I feel so very selfish for wanting what all of my friends and other family have. They have their new spouse, settle in to their new homes with their new life, and bring children in to their world on their own terms... but here I am stuck with this home. This responsibility of taking care of my siblings...
I don't want to be in this house. I want my own home....without having to care for everyone else... I just want my own life... not the baggage of what was left behind after my parents passed away... but I feel so selfish. That "baggage" is my family... It's such a conflicting battle in my mind. It's causing so much grief and so much more stress on top of everything else.
I don't want to take care of everyone and everything else. I just want the responsibility of my OWN life.. but there isn't any room. I need help. I don't know what to do. I'm so unhappy.